Nine of Wands – Rise up again and agian

Today’s Card is the Nine of Wands from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. The same card as I pulled yesterday. The Nine of Wands is for me about wanting more, doing more, doing better. A card of burning desires and the sometimes not so pleasant aftermath.

     

We often take on more than we can manage. And only after we're burned out, we ask ourselves how could this possibly happen to me. Perhaps we don’t know our boundaries as well as we should have and so we let others and ourselves trample them without noticing until it is too late.

I’ve been in this position several times. But I have also experienced that whenever this has happened to me I always rise up again, stronger, wiser (I hope) and determined never to let something like this happen to me again.

So I wondered why this card is showing up again today and I pulled the Five of Swords. Not only is a burn-out caused by taking to on much responsibilities in the physical world. It is often accompanied by negative thought patterns such as lack of self-worth, self-love en so on. These mental attackers want to lure you into a battle, which they know you can’t win. It will only wear you out more until only chaos and exhaustion will remain. Maybe it is better to acknowledge our thoughts and see them as such: just thoughts and nothing more.  

We have to ask ourselves whether these thoughts and feelings are true and if they're not, I promise they will go away.

Then we will rise up from our ashes and become a little more akin to the person we want to be.

For me, this means I have to sit with these returning thoughts of not being good enough again and learn to recognize them once and for all as tricksters of the mind.

Two of Air - Stop, Breath and Listen

Today's card is the Two of Air from the Gaian Tarot: a woman is listening to the all sounds around her, the twittering of birds, the sound of leaves in the wind and so much more. But then she stops paying attention to them and is just simply hearing them. It is only then that she is starting to hear that soft tender voice from within: The voice that only speaks with love and kindness and never is about fear or despair.  She closes her eyes and she smiles because she hear whispers of Peace and Quiet which she longs for so much. In her hand, she cradles something precious, perhaps a talisman to keep her grounded and centered throughout the day.
I've seen this card many times already but today, for the first time, I noticed her necklaces. She is probably wearing these as talismans to represent the four elements. Today this highlights for me the necessity to not only think about life but also to feel, experience and want something from it as well.
I think I will put my four elemental crystals in a little pouch to carry with me throughout the day as my talisman. They will remind me to stop, breath and listen instead of always chasing toward the next item on my todo list

Aff: I take time in my day to listen and be open to receiving insight.
(J.Powell Colbert)

Eight of Air - listen to the rhythm of your soul

It's been a while since I have written something for my blog. For some reason, I can't seem to get back to regular posting. I don't know why... Perhaps lack of inspiration or drive??? Or maybe both. Anyway, I am here now and it feels good to be here.

Two days ago I celebrated my sixtieth birthday with my family and for the first time in years, I didn't get a tarot or oracle deck for my birthday.  There was not one deck I really wanted. Of course, there are lots of pretty decks around but none of them really spoke to me on a deeper level.
Yesterday I have decided to work with one deck only for a longer period of time, in order to build a more personal relationship with the decks I already have. For this month my deck of choice is the Gaian Tarot by Joanna Powell Colbert. I am in awe of the splendor of nature this time of year and I feel this deck will be in perfect sync with it. I need the more grounding energy of this deck to stay in the moment and enjoy what life has to offer each and every day.
My card for today is the Eight of Earth. It's not that long ago since I pulled this card for myself.  Yet today it speaks not so much about parenting my daughters but more about being guided myself. It feels like I am being invited to follow the rhythm of the drums, to align myself to the heartbeat of the earth, of my soul, and to establish a healthy rhythm of action and rest, breathing in and breathing out.  Creating a rhythm is not only about when to drum but perhaps even more about knowing when not to drum...

New moon in April

Instead of drawing some cards for this new moon, I have decided to choose them intentionally so they would represent what I want to accomplish during this coming lunation.
I choose the Four of Swords and the Princess of Cups from the Druidcraft Tarot.

The fours of Swords represents my intention to quiet down my always busy mind. At first, I thought it could be a good idea to start meditating daily again but knowing myself, I realized this would be very hard to accomplish. I think it would be better for me if I could choose from various options: meditating, riding my bike. sitting with Jofee on my lap, taking a walk, playing with watercolors... etc. anything which would calm my racing thoughts goes.
The Princess of Cups represents my state of being when I will succeed in this; even if it is only for a second or two. She is connected to her heart, the place where feelings whisper and true wisdom comes from. She is totally willing to hear and listen to the messages of her heart. The flow of these messages is a constant in her life because she has no problem to tune into them. I don't expect to be like the Princess of Cups in four weeks but I am willing to commit to this practice and to see where it will lead me.

Five of Air - Fear

Today's card is Five of Air from the Vision Quest Tarot. It's called Fear. When I saw this card my throat tightened and I felt almost immediately my anxiety creeping up on me. How could I write about fear? How could I share the magnitude of the hold it has over me. Fear is my constant companion and my biggest enemy.  It protects me from having to take risks and it prevents me from living a full life. It binds me to home, it lets my paints go to waist. It keeps me from playfully trying but it also prevents me from failing.
The question this card is asking me is how to face and perhaps even befriend my fear. How to coax it gently from de driver's seat to the back seat. Fear should not be seen as an enemy but as a way of learning about possible risks and how to proceed with caution and curiosity. Only when Fear is taking over all other instincts and our will to move forward we have to step up and say: "No more of this!"
Today this card has inspired me to blog and express myself, despite feeling blocked and thinking I have nothing to add to the conversation. I think Fear and I are going to have a serious chat about who is in charge of Ellen...

"Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones." Thich Nhat Hanh

Five of Swords Not everything is worth bickering about

Today’s question to draw a card with is part of the April Tarot Challenge by @Lionharts on IG. Yes, you have read it correctly: I am participating in an IG challenge again. I might not complete it but for now, I am enjoying it a lot.

"How can I make the most of this weekend?" And I got the Five of Swords. This card is telling me to avoid conflict about trivial matters. It's a waste of energy and it will only spoil the mood of this wonderful  Spring weekend with lots of sunshine and warm temperatures. Too often conflicts are mostly about ego needing to be right and victorious and they are poison to a loving relationship. So how do I try to let go of this desire?

The Emperor: clearly I need to let go of the need to be in control all of the time. This is a reoccurring theme in my personal readings lately. More and more I feel this urge is getting the better of me and in the end, it’s never worth the cost.

What energy could feed my intention to pay close attention to the advice of the two previous cards?

The Wheel: another old friend who comes along quite frequently regardless of what deck I use. This card only confirms what The Emperor has been telling me all along. Life moves in circles and we have to figure out when it is time to speak up and when it is time to let go. Choose your battles wisely and timely and enjoy life as much as you can. There is some much joy to be found in the little things. Let’s not waste our time by quarreling and squabbling over nothing.

Two of Wands - Trust, have a little bit of faith and relax.

Today's card is the Two of Wands from the Joie the Vivre Tarot.  A sunny and joyful card on a rainy April day. The question I asked myself to draw a card with was: How can I nurture myself today?
This card is about reflection on where you've come from, listening to your intuition so you will know where to go from here and imagining and preparing for your future. Outwardly, it might seem like we're are doing nothing worthwhile but on the inside, a lot is going on.  The challenge of this card is to find a balance between being active and letting our ideas and intentions having a life of their own: about not striving and clinging to the desired outcome too much.
Since I like to be in control almost all of the time, I like to know exactly where my life is heading, what obstacles I might expect on the way and how long it will take me to go from A to Z without any detours. Yes, I know life doesn't work this way but like many of us, I often live by the illusion that is does.
Today this card is telling me to ease up, to let go of my expectations and to trust that God or the Universe will respond to what I have put out there in a loving generous and wonderful way ( so much better than to expect gloom and doom because I don't like to be disappointed  :))
Taking care of myself today might be about learning to have a bit more trust and faith in this Loving Energy.

Six of Pentacles - Receiving isn't easy

Today's card is the Six of Pentacles from the Druidcraft Tarot. This is a card of giving and or receiving benefits. It also speaks about a fair balance between the two. Finding that balance can be a hard thing to do. Especially when you're on the giving side of the equation. Givers don't like to admit they need help or other resources just like anyone else. They almost need to be coaxed into receiving the gifts we want to give them. A lot of these givers have probably been spoonfed with the words that "it's better to give than to receive. ”
I know, because I am one of them. It's hard for me to express my needs to others and ask for help but I am getting better at it. In order to do that I have to open up and be prepared to be vulnerable. I think it's about time I start practicing this more seriously....
So for today I will try be mindful to graciously accept a helping hand, a compliment, some loving attention and even more, to ask for this if needed.

Ace of Swords - When lightening strikes...

Today's card is the Ace of Swords from the Wild Unknown Tarot. This card is all about sudden clarity and spontaneous insights. A card of truth and inspiration. The two lightning bolts emphasize both the swiftness as the brightness of this energy. You have to be mindful of these flashes of insight; ready to catch them if they present themselves to you. This means we have to create open space in our mind for the lightning to strike.
Yet too often we keep our mind occupied by repeating the same old, same old over and over again. So how do we go about getting this open space?
Creating free headspace doesn't mean we have to sit on our cushion the whole day long. It is more about being busy with our hands and/or moving our body. Everything which occupies our mind just enough to keep it from obsessing and moving in circles.
My brightest ideas come to me when I am going for a walk or when I am taking a shower.
Where or when does your lightning tend to strike?

Ace of Cups – Receiving Love

Today’s card is the Ace of Cups from The Wild Unknown Tarot. This is a card of unconditionally Love. The type of love you feel for a little child or a newborn animal. The Love which flows through you when you are in awe of nature or for some of us the Love we experience when we feel close to the Divine

Seeing this card it encourages me to open up to this love; to step into the flow of receiving and giving and receiving again. Living in this flow of Love should be effortlessly but we tend to over think the Source of it, which immediately disconnects of its riches and abundance.

“Who I am to be worthy of this kind of this kind of love?"is a thought pattern which sums up all kinds of disturbing thoughts on this matter. So I asked what energy could be helpful for me if I was to start questioning my worthiness to be loved (again) and I pulled…

The Ten of Pentacles. It feels like I am looking into a colorful well. At the bottom of this well, we find numerous treasures. These are the treasures we have accumulated over time but due to worrying about guilt and regret we seem to have forgotten all about them. Maybe it’s time to dive into this well and remember what Love has given us already. Count your blessings may sound corny, but it does make us more receptive to experience  Love in all its forms.

Queen of Wands - To blog or not to blog

The question whether to keep blogging has been on my mind quite a lot. On one hand, I really miss writing about tarot and the connection with my online friends but on the other hand, I keep asking myself why would I want to continue. I have been posting tarot pictures on IG very regularly and that felt as it was enough for me. One thing I am sure of is that this tiny spot on the World Wide Web is still so very dear to me and I don't want it to fade away with so many other inactive blogs.
But truthfully, sometimes I feel as if I have said it all. What possible more could I write about a card....
And then I pulled the Queen of Wands from the Thoth Tarot, which has become an absolute favorite deck of mine. What stands out today are the black spots on her leopard which symbolize the remnants of her past. The story goes she was once a dark haired Queen with a black panther who has transformed into the Queen she is today. But she still carries the scars of all the hurt and suffering she has been through.
The challenge of this Queen is to share her story with others and by doing so to reaffirm time and again what she has learned. so it will be ingrained in her most inner being.
Repetition isn't a bad thing. Originality is overrated. It is the mere act of writing and sharing what counts.
So I sincerely hope this post will inspire me to write the next one....

The Tower – Raging fires

Yesterday I pulled the Nine of Wands from the Mary-El tarot as my card for the day. This card felt really significant since my inner Tiger has been dormant for quite some time now.  I know Tigers don’t hibernate but it sure does look like mine is a real sleepyhead.

Today I asked my deck of cards what I could do to wake up my Tiger and ignite my inner fire again. I pulled the Tower. Now, why does this not surprise me one bit? Really, I can’t think of a more suitable card to answer this question with. The Tower is the strongest wakeup call in the whole deck. Its energy crushes unfounded structures and old and outdated beliefs. It undermines the stories we tell about ourselves. It wrecks everything we thought was true and sacred. All these things and much more is as fuel for the raging fire we see in this card.

I believe we can release our Tiger and set our true self free if we are willing to sacrifice our illusion of safety and security, our preconceived notion of how life ought to be, and many more things that no longer are part of our reality but only hold us captive in our Tower. This doesn’t always mean we have to change our whole life: A new job, a new house, and a new husband etc. I think it is more often a radical change of our perspective and a new way of setting our goals and priorities. For me, it is mainly about getting Fear out of the driver’s seat and reclaiming my strength and confidence to chart my own course in life.

Five of Wands - to keep or not to keep

Today's card is the Five of Wands from the Fountain Tarot. The guidebook describes this card as competitive chaos. Often this card is about a confusing situation, our own monkey mind or it could also be a challenge to find out what our priorities are. Sometimes we want so much out of life that we tend to forget who we are and what is really important to us.
For me, the only way to get a clearer picture of all this was to lay down my "Wants" and try to sit with the feeling of what's left and what's next. I can tell you it wasn't easy and it still isn't. But I have gotten to know me a little bit better and I actually like myself more. Life has become somewhat easier since I am less demanding of myself. I think I will wait a bit longer before I'll pick those wands up again. And before I do I'm going to look at them more closely to decide if I really want to use them, store them for a while or throw them away altogether

Nine of Wands and Strength – Breathe and stand down for while

My question for today was which part of me is in need of some nurturing and loving attention and I pulled the Nine of Wands from the Shadowscapes Tarot. 

Yes, lately I am too often fully armored and expecting the worst. That is my default mode when stress is piling up and I feel like I have to be ready for whatever calamity might happen next. But of course, that is all in my head because nobody knows what the next moment will bring and I am not responsible what others might do. My sole responsibility lies in my answer to their actions.

Then I was wondering how I could pamper my inner warrior, my always present sentinel and I pulled Strength. In this card, the rider has dismounted his lion and caresses his manes.  Behind him, a cat is playing with a bell tied to a ribbon. Birds are flying over him and the bamboo in the background is reminding him of how swaying in the wind without breaking, is a strength too. Look how the yellow from the first card lowers itself easily into the next. While the first card is uptight and is asking for constant alertness, the second card lets us breathe and enjoy the moment. Today this card radiates balance and inner peace for me

Even the guy in the Nine of Wands needs to stand down for moment if he want to do his job properly otherwise when the real attack come he is lying in his bed with a burnout  

Uruz and Six of Pentacles - Both sides of the coin are equally valid

Today’s rune is Uruz (ox) the rune of strength and vitality and I wondered what kind of energy would make me feel more alive and would invigorate me so I would be able to jump into the new year with some fresh enthusiasm and inspiration. Then I drew the Six of Pentacles…

Not what I was expecting but it does make sense. Often we feel the most alive when we matter to other people; when we give our time and energy to those who need it more than we do.  Mind you the Six of Pentacles is a card of reciprocity. It doesn’t only encourage us to give, give, give, even though this is often the easiest part of this card. When we, in turn, are lacking resources it is up to us to ask for help to others. Don’t expect they will notice our need because this often leads to disappointment and further withdrawal. Ideas of not being seen or worthy of love will start to arise. No, let’s be brave and ask for help. This will strengthen your love for yourself and your trust in other people. So either way, this card will strengthen you.  

Father of Air - A perfect aid in legal matters

Today's card is Father of Air from the Vision Quest Tarot.
He comes across as a much easier going fellow than his Rider Waite counterpart. To me it feels as if he invites me to confide in him, to ask him what the right course of action is for me. He will help me to do the right thing, to make the right decisions.
Since the beginning of November, I have major water damage in my bedroom which is most likely caused by the adjacent bathroom of my neighbor. I am insured for this kind of damage but my neighbor refuses to find out what causes it. Before a cause is found and also fixed my damage can't be repaired. All this causes M and me a lot of stress but I am also confident that we will find a way to come to an agreement with our neighbor. Luckily I don't have to do it all by myself. There are a lot of skilled professionals who are giving me advice and practical assistance.
So yes, the decisiveness, intelligence and verbal skills of the Father of Air are very welcome to me.

Nine of Pentacles - A little update on where I've been…

Today card is the Nine of Pentacles from the Original Rider Waite tarot. This card shows perfectly well what I’ve been up to these last few weeks: Nothing spectacular except taking it easy and enjoying the peace and quiet of my own home. Life has presented me with some rather difficult “stuff” which took and still is going to take a lot of my energy, so blogging had to be moved to the back burner for a while. I don’t know how it is with you but when life is challenging my cards seem to grow quieter with the day, so there wasn’t much to blog about anyway. The lady in this card is enjoying herself in her garden and she is noticing the precious daily gifts of her life. Like the snail she moves gently and slowly through her day. She encourages me to follow my heart’s impulses and to do what brings me joy and happiness. Also she is a welcome reminder that there is so much to be grateful for even when life isn’t all together perfect.

Journey – Stop running and enjoy the scenery

Today’s card is "Journey" from the Magical Empowerment cards by Jody Bergsma. I needed a kind, gentle and uplifting message today, so I was very pleased this deck was still in my collection. It has been on my “decks to let go” list but somehow I find it very difficult to part with decks which have supported me throughout various phases of my life. So I keep them in a box for when I want to revisit with them again. And in that box, I found this deck …

The message of the card is to focus on how far we have come instead of how far we still have to go. Everything we have experienced up until this moment has brought us to where we are right now. Looking back on my life I consider this one h*ll of an accomplishment. But frankly, I never pay much attention to this feat.  I’d rather make to-do lists, research ways to improve myself, try to fix other people’s problems, run my daily life and move forward. But life has its own way of saying "enough!": Sometimes by sending you the flu or in my case dumping too much on my plate. 

So for today, I will keep myself from running towards the finish line and take some time to be proud of myself and to be in this moment, on this day and frankly, without expecting anything, it has become a good day, a very good day....

Queen of Swords – Me and my journal

Today’s card is the Queen of Swords from the Spirit Within Tarot by Steven Bright. As you all know I identify highly with this queen and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw how Steven has captured her in his deck.

We see a woman sitting at her desk in front of her laptop, scratching her head with a pencil. She is obviously pondering what to write next; how to formulate her words in a way they will describe her feelings and ideas as clearly as possible. It feels so natural to see myself in her place. It is almost as if the silhouettes are inviting us to put ourselves or others in the depictions of the deck.  

I like to journal, almost on a daily basis. It helps me to get my mind in order and to think in a more linear way, which can be a good thing when your mind sometimes resembles a merry go round. Also, I feel that writing things down makes them more real, more tangible. I’ve been journaling since I was ten years old so I can hardly imagine myself without a journal by my side.

And then I was wondering what she was journaling about and I got …the Nine of Pentacles. This is a favorite of mine in any deck. Although I don’t shy away from writing about sad and painful things, I do like to emphasize what is beautiful, magical and delightful in life. Focusing on the sad stuff comes naturally to many of us. It used to be that way for me too. So nowadays I’d like to push myself a bit further and try not to write only about the clouds but even more so about their silver linings. Like the lady in this card, I have so much to be grateful for.

Without- Within- Advice spread with the Mary El Tarot

For today I wanted to do a daily three card spread which I found it the guidebook of the Mary El tarot

Without - The world

It seems I have it all under control. I have a house, a steady income, good health, a loving family and I am able to cope with the ups and downs life will present me with. Life is good and I am content. My dreams are fulfilled and I have nothing to complain about.

Within – Six of Wands

This is the archangel Michael, slayer of demons and dragons. Yes, although life is good, I still have many demons to confront. The question this card is asking me is if I want to slay my demons or if I want to assimilate them to become a more complete person. I think the latter. My demons are my own, they are part of who I am, although perhaps they are a bit deformed and grown out of proportion over the years. Marie White states that in this card our higher self meets our shadow. I think that although this might be scary, it is a necessary encounter which we can’t escape forever.

Advice - Ace of Wands

Roar woman! Show your strength and think of a creative way to lure your demons into the light. Don’t be afraid of who you are because you are wonderful and one of kind. This card is the primordial spark of creation. It is the embodiment of courage and power; the seed of our creativity and our intent. What better card to call us to arms than this one.  It is one of the greatest gifts life has to offer us and we only have to reach out than grab it, because it is always and everywhere!

I feel that when I can harness the power of this ace and meet my demons with courage and confidence the energy of The World will become an intrinsic part of who I am.