Nine of Wands – Rise up again and agian

Today’s Card is the Nine of Wands from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. The same card as I pulled yesterday. The Nine of Wands is for me about wanting more, doing more, doing better. A card of burning desires and the sometimes not so pleasant aftermath.

     

We often take on more than we can manage. And only after we're burned out, we ask ourselves how could this possibly happen to me. Perhaps we don’t know our boundaries as well as we should have and so we let others and ourselves trample them without noticing until it is too late.

I’ve been in this position several times. But I have also experienced that whenever this has happened to me I always rise up again, stronger, wiser (I hope) and determined never to let something like this happen to me again.

So I wondered why this card is showing up again today and I pulled the Five of Swords. Not only is a burn-out caused by taking to on much responsibilities in the physical world. It is often accompanied by negative thought patterns such as lack of self-worth, self-love en so on. These mental attackers want to lure you into a battle, which they know you can’t win. It will only wear you out more until only chaos and exhaustion will remain. Maybe it is better to acknowledge our thoughts and see them as such: just thoughts and nothing more.  

We have to ask ourselves whether these thoughts and feelings are true and if they're not, I promise they will go away.

Then we will rise up from our ashes and become a little more akin to the person we want to be.

For me, this means I have to sit with these returning thoughts of not being good enough again and learn to recognize them once and for all as tricksters of the mind.

The Tower – Raging fires

Yesterday I pulled the Nine of Wands from the Mary-El tarot as my card for the day. This card felt really significant since my inner Tiger has been dormant for quite some time now.  I know Tigers don’t hibernate but it sure does look like mine is a real sleepyhead.

Today I asked my deck of cards what I could do to wake up my Tiger and ignite my inner fire again. I pulled the Tower. Now, why does this not surprise me one bit? Really, I can’t think of a more suitable card to answer this question with. The Tower is the strongest wakeup call in the whole deck. Its energy crushes unfounded structures and old and outdated beliefs. It undermines the stories we tell about ourselves. It wrecks everything we thought was true and sacred. All these things and much more is as fuel for the raging fire we see in this card.

I believe we can release our Tiger and set our true self free if we are willing to sacrifice our illusion of safety and security, our preconceived notion of how life ought to be, and many more things that no longer are part of our reality but only hold us captive in our Tower. This doesn’t always mean we have to change our whole life: A new job, a new house, and a new husband etc. I think it is more often a radical change of our perspective and a new way of setting our goals and priorities. For me, it is mainly about getting Fear out of the driver’s seat and reclaiming my strength and confidence to chart my own course in life.

Nine of Wands and Strength – Breathe and stand down for while

My question for today was which part of me is in need of some nurturing and loving attention and I pulled the Nine of Wands from the Shadowscapes Tarot. 

Yes, lately I am too often fully armored and expecting the worst. That is my default mode when stress is piling up and I feel like I have to be ready for whatever calamity might happen next. But of course, that is all in my head because nobody knows what the next moment will bring and I am not responsible what others might do. My sole responsibility lies in my answer to their actions.

Then I was wondering how I could pamper my inner warrior, my always present sentinel and I pulled Strength. In this card, the rider has dismounted his lion and caresses his manes.  Behind him, a cat is playing with a bell tied to a ribbon. Birds are flying over him and the bamboo in the background is reminding him of how swaying in the wind without breaking, is a strength too. Look how the yellow from the first card lowers itself easily into the next. While the first card is uptight and is asking for constant alertness, the second card lets us breathe and enjoy the moment. Today this card radiates balance and inner peace for me

Even the guy in the Nine of Wands needs to stand down for moment if he want to do his job properly otherwise when the real attack come he is lying in his bed with a burnout  

Nine of Wands – Guarding our space and time

On this Saturday morning, my card for the day is the Nine of Wands from the Shadowscapes Tarot. What a welcome card this is. For me today, it represents the necessity to guard my space and time from unexpected intruders. I want, I need this day to myself. The coming week is packed with appointments, birthday visits and whatsoever.  As you all know I am a Hermit at heart, so today is a perfect opportunity to stock up on some much needed solitude (if something like this is even possible??) I  have the whole day to myself and I want to keep it that way. It is so easy to be lured into someone else’s activities when you are prone to please everyone around you. No today is for me, myself and I.  (Ouch, that’s sounds selfish)

What I love about this card is that the sentinels are outward directed protective energy . It is that part of ourselves which is mindful  to what is going on around us while we can focus on doing other things. This in contrary to the Seven of Wands where our entire self is defending her right to her own space and time.  

Today I want to respond mindfully to questions asked, instead of jumping into pleasing mode right away. 

"Within, Without, Advice" tarot spread – An excessive amount of Wands

For today I’ve used the the Wild Unknown Tarot for a "Within, Without, Advice"  tarot spread. I was surprised that all the cards came from the suit of Wands. Maybe beneath my gloomy mood of the last week, there is a lot of fiery energy going on, which I wasn’t aware of until now.

So let’s dive in:

Within – Two of Wands

This card is all about  potential. Everything is possible; so many options to choose from. Every color of the rainbow is used for this card. It is an exciting and promising energy; the moment before the choice. What am I going to do next?  What will make me happy and fulfilled? Honestly I am not quite sure yet and the fire which burns inside, urges me to chose. I know I need to and I want to chose but every color is as beautiful as the other. I have to watch out not to linger too long because otherwise the fire might die...

Without – Nine of Wands

In my daily life I have, like many of us a lot of responsibilities. They weigh me down sometimes but mostly  I just carry on and I climb my ladder one step at the time. I came from so far already. The moon is waning but I know I will reach it in time to be filled with her wisdom; my price for persevering.

Advice – Mother of Wands:

“Protect yourself my dear and everything you stand for. Warm en revitalize your passion and your desires and never stop believing in yourself.”

Three card daily spread with the Shadowscapes Tarot

For today I want do a three card daily spread with The Shadowscapes Tarot. This deck is currently almost the only tarot deck I work with. Each time I pull my cards from this deck, I am amazed by how the message it conveyed with such a gentle and kind energy. Even the more difficult subjects, although never avoided, are so cautiously approached.

For my spread the positions are as follows:

1 The general energy of the day

2 The challenge of the day

3 The gift of today

1 The energy of the day – Three of Cups.

Many of you know that this is the card which for me resembles me and my girls: How we interact, how we laugh and cry together and yes often quarrel together too. But we always return to our small circle of love. Each of us bringing a filled cup to the brim of our own special flavored drink and mixing it together to something quite delicious and extraordinary.

But  S doesn’t live here anymore. Of course I do think about her often but seeing this card made it a bit sour. And then this morning she called me to invite me to have coffee together at her place which was good and we talked and laughed as usual. Both my girls live in my heart so where ever I am we will always be the Three of Cups.

2 The challenge of the day – Nine of Wands

This cards challenges me to not to expect the worst. Of course there is nothing wrong to have some strength in reserve but for me today there is no need to be extra vigilant. And worrying about what might happen only drains me from the strength I do have.

3 Gift of today –Knight of Sword

My gift is to be able to speak my mind if necessary and to know when to be silent. Since he is my gift I interpret him more positively than usual. So no conflicts today!

Nine of Wands - Watch over me

For today I have drawn the Nine of Wands from my far too long neglected Shadowscapes Tarot.

We see a row of sentinels at the edge of the world where every evening the sun goes down and unknown enemies come crawling out of the abyss to hide in the  shadows, waiting….

One of the keywords for this cards is vigilance. Be prepared for whatever might happen. It speaks to me about living in fear of eventualities which may never happen or are very unlikely to happen. After some traumatic events a long time ago, I've lived like this for many years. Afraid of the outside world and anyone who might harm me or my children. Now, when I look back nobody was out to get me, nobody followed us in the shadows. Maybe because I have been such a watchful guard but probable because nothing threatening was out there. I feel sorry for this fearful woman who is still around but gradually less prominent.  Maybe I could try to see these sentinels as our guardian angels and trust we are watched over by the Divine. That would suit me quite well since I am going to visit my mother for a couple of days and traveling is for me still quite an undertaking.

Chrysalis tarot – My First reading!

Yesterday I've received my copy of the Chrysalis Tarot in the mail. I was pleasantly surprised because I’d expected it to arrive on a  much later date. In this post I am not going to write about the beautiful artwork, the warm color palette, the magical charm of the depictions, the great quality of the cardstock and the beautiful matte finish. Instead I will just jump in with a small reading! I've seen this deck on other blogs so I was prepared for the differences between this deck and the Rider-Waite system. At first I was hesitant to purchase it. Would I be open minded enough to read with this deck? When it arrived, I decided in advance I would let the deck do the talking. I wouldn't try to find similarities between this deck and the RW system, which weren't intended by the creators.

Then I drew the first card as the main characteristic of this deck: 

Sun:

We see a Sun with a tear on his cheek. The Sun is a card of confidence and optimism. The keyword from the LWB is Empowerment. I think when I am going to read with this deck and let it speak to me in its own language, I can  expect a great deal of empowerment and a boost of confidence for my intuitive reading skills. Also, I feel this card  is showing me the warm and loving energy of this deck.

The next two cards are adding some more information to this reading.
The Companion:

I don’t have to do this alone. The deck has  a troupe  of guides for your journey and this King of Spirals will accompany me while exploring the Chrysalis Tarot. When I feel stuck he will show me which way to go. It seems he is a bit pushy, sometimes arrogant (fire) but that is tempered by the little laughing bird

Nine of Spirals:

The winds of change. How apt for such a new approach to tarot. New winds can be refreshing and stir things up. The keyword for this card is perseverance. So when I encounter difficulties I will  be motivated to continue working with this deck

In my opinion three great cards to sum up some of the wonderful aspects of this deck. I am looking forward reading with it and getting to know it on a more in depth level.

Nine of wands – What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

After a quiet and enjoyable Sunday, I've pulled another nine for today: the Nine of wands from the Rider Waite Tarot. I have to say, I'd rather have this card than having to deal with the despair of the Nine of Swords. The figure in this card still has his determination and strength to overcome the final challenge. He has struggled and  been through a lot. He has been battered and bruised but he has prevailed and is still standing on his own two feet

The way he is looking over his shoulder is telling us he is on his guard for the last attack. It is almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. When things tend to go wrong we expect them to go wrong the next time too. This man is letting his past shape his present moment. Although I can’t blame him since I am a master in doing the same thing. Our fears are mostly much worse than reality is.

When I would look for a positive advice from this card I would say that if his experiences, endurance and probable  his cunning and strength has brought him this far, he can rely on himself to be able to make it on his own when the next challenge will arise. So we can also see this card as reminder of our self reliance and inner strength.

Some questions to think about:

• What battle have I fought which has scarred me but strengthened me at the same time?
• Who or what do I need to protect?
• What is consuming a lot of my strength?

“It is worth remembering that the time of greatest gain in terms of wisdom and inner strength is often that of greatest difficulty.”

Dalai Lama

Finding Durga through Tarot

Goddess Oracle

Yesterday I had drawn the seven of wands and I have asked myself a lot of questions about this card. One of the main subjects was how to defend my own physical and mental private space. I know I have always had an issue with setting my boundaries. Apparently I do respect other peoples boundaries more than my own. I noticed how tired the guy in the card was and how he was likely to give up, putting the needs of the others above his own. (Isn’t the tarot a wonderful mirror J)

Later that night when I had put these thoughts aside, I was surfing the web for another mantra. I have been singing the Tara mantra for some time now and I would like to try another one so I could experience the differences between them. It had to be a short one for I still find it difficult to remember the words. And I don’t want to bothered by that while I am chanting. So I found the Durga mantra: “Om Dum Durgayai Namaha” which means something like: “Om and Salutations to that feminine energy which protects from all manner of negative influences." It looked like a perfect mantra for me. Then I started searching to get to know more about the goddess Durga. The only thing I did know was that she is a fierce goddess.

While reading up on her I discovered (in short) she is a protective mother goddess and she helps us to stand up for ourselves. Googling  for some depictions of her I found this one from the Goddess oracle. The caption says: Durga – Boundaries. And that discovery closed the circle around me and made me feel safe.

I‘ve tried this chant the same night. I particularly liked the version of Thomas Barquee 

When I flipped through my tarot cards I saw that there are a few cards that represent the aspects of Durga for me. First of course the seven of wands but also the nine of wands, and not to forget Strength. It might be a fun challenge to use tarot to describe some more aspects of the goddess (just like naming them) 

Crystal Visions Tarot

Imbolc Tarot Spread: Brid’s Wheel

This spread for Imbolc, I have found in Christine Jette’s book “Tarot for all Seasons”. I've bought this book to accompany me on my journey around the wheel of the year with the Wildwood Tarot, I've started out last Yule

For this spread I've used my brand new Morgan Greer tarot.

Brid's Wheel from "Tarot of All Seasons" by Christine Jette with The Morgan Greer Tarot

1.    Strength.  This card shows where you are strong. 

*    The Queen of Rods: she is a strong, outgoing and creatively inspired. She is always warmed by her inner fire. She is confident and resilient. It pleases me to see her as my strength card

2.    Heart’s Desire.  You deepest desire.  What do you really want? 

*    King of Cups: How lovely it would be if I could master my emotional ups and downs and become more balanced. I want to be able to reach out to others and help them without getting emotionally drained

3.    Healer. What needs to be healed if you are to be strong?  Note whether or not there is a relationship between position one (strength) and this card. 

*    The Chariot: I have to acknowledge I am my own person, live my own life and I can set out my own direction and try to keep my insecurity and anxiety under control.

4.   Creative Inspiration.  When healing energy is released, creative inspiration is the result.  What are you inspired to do?  What creative activity fires you up?

*    Six of swords: That was a difficult card for me. But then I drew the sun as clarifier. I think I can interpret this as a creative spark in my communication abilities. The six of swords is about sorting out idea’s, looking for new ways of thinking and communicating; leaving behind idea’s which, although comfortable,  aren’t helpful anymore; or sometimes it could mean a spiritual journey or a quest.  In this sun card two people are coming together in the light of the sun which brightens and reveals everything. So I will use my creativity to communicate my thoughts clearly (writing?). Perhaps it is also a hint to put some effort in my Dutch blog.

5.   Making Plans.  Based on the creative information of position four, what plans can you now make? 

*    Nine of Pentacles. I always love this card.It is so easy to identify with this woman. It strikes me this nine of pentacles is very purple unlike many other cards in this deck. I can interpret this to use my inner wisdom in my spoken and written words. I’ve pulled the eight of swords as clarifier and it tells me to be aware of my limiting beliefs. So I see the Nine of Pentacles also as an advice to look after myself and be aware of maintaining my self-worth; Try to relax and be confident and believe in myself. This woman likes to be alone and that is okay too. In her so loved solitude she can find the peace and quiet to listen to her own thoughts and put them in writing

6.   New Growth.  What is the promise of spring that lies just beneath the snow? 

*    Nine of rods. Another nine. This card is all about vigilance. I am going to watch out for distracting influences (like procrastination!!!) which might make me forget my creative goal. (it happened before J) I will go on even when I get insecure. This card will be my defense against my inner critic.

You don’t have to keep it al together

Osho Zen Tarot

This morning I drove my daughter to an appointment in a village nearby. I had to wait in the car a while until she would return. In the meantime I took this opportunity to meditate and write a bit and to draw a card from my free app of the Osho Zen tarot. I made a promise to myself that this card would be my daily draw. The fun thing is, with this app you can actually move the cards over the screen and pick the one you want. Please don’t laugh; I picked the Nine of Fire aka Exhaustion. When you think the nine of wands it a pity party, it is nothing compared to this card. I immediately felt sorry for the guy and of course at the same time for myself. Some parts of our Christmas have been very stressful. I won’t go into details but it was very difficult for me to accept some situations which were completely out of my control. It made me anxious and even more uptight than I already was. And I wasn’t the only one. Happily the day after Christmas things went more smoothly, which was mainly because the three of us were able to share our feelings about the first day. We managed to be more relaxed and to see things in a different perspective.

“He has been so busy "keeping it all together" and "making sure everything runs smoothly", that he has forgotten to really rest. No doubt he can't allow himself to be playful.”

“The message of this card is not just about being a workaholic, though. It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived. It's time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory, and take a little trip into the uncharted. Your work can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.”  (From the Guidebook)

I do want to be more relaxed but I am so tired (exhausted) now and I find it again difficult to let my guard down because there is also the last day of the year which might cause more stress. I so desperately don’t want to be anxious for that day but the desperation in itself is a part of this guy contraption; my own pitfall

So the only thing I can do is be kind and caring to myself, recover, rest and relax and trust everything will turn out right in the end. As I've said more than once: Let go and Let God(dess)