Seven of Spirals and Seven of Scrolls – The power of imagination

Yesterday I drew the Seven of Spirals (Assertion) from the Chrysalis Tarot and which conveyed a strong inner “Yes” in me!  Since my “nurture” plans for Monday (due to all sorts of reasons) didn’t see the light of day, I figured I was entitled to a second chance to pamper myself.

But this card is not only about retreat and setting boundaries but also about going deep within (spirals) and finding your inner strength.  A strength which is so powerful that you will have to find the right balance to assert yourself. It pleases me the bear is sitting quietly in her cave and her gaze is more than enough to keep unwanted visitors at bay. Without growling or showing her claws she protects her sacred space. She knows her strength so she has no need to show it all the time. Only if needed she will react more fiercely. 

So this morning I asked what to do next and I got the Seven of Scrolls (indecision). This card feels very akin to the Two of Swords but it also highlights the need for creative imagination. As humans we are able to decide on so many levels: instinctive first reaction, logical reasoning, intuition, emotional response etc.

It is up to us which of these options we would use to make our decision but now and then it might be helpful not to pick our go-to problem-solving strategy. As a Queen of Swords person, this card tells me to let go of my reasoning abilities for a change and try to tap into my more creative imaginative side. That will help me to ponder what could be behind those two doors? Which one should I open? Where will it lead me? What does it bring me? So many questions, I think I might stay in my cave for another day also because it will be a very hot and humid day. 

Seven of Stones – Don't let Regret and Guilt pin you down

Today I was wondering what aspect of my shadow needs to have a closer look. And I pulled the Seven of Stones form the Chrysalis Tarot. A girl is sitting near a river with a pan flute in her hand. She looks depressed. Guilt and regret are weighing her down and she is wondering if this downcast feeling will ever stop. When we feel like this, we often get the advice to let go and move on but these kind of feelings can tie you down  to the past with strong roots and poisonous vines. O, how she longs to wash these feeling away in the river but the more she thinks about it, the more difficult it seems to be. Would she still be able to recognize herself without her grief???

What energy could be helpful in such a situation? 

The Muse, The queen of Spirals is coming to the rescue. Like all queens she is a soft and nurturing energy who will put her hand on your shoulder and whispers soft and encouraging words in your ear. 

And then hardly noticeable she will put the desire into your heart to do something. And no, it doesn’t have to be super creative because that might block you instantly. She will guide you gently to something you wouldn’t mind doing  for a while, like knitting or crochet, coloring a mandala, weeding the garden or taking a little walk. And each time we do something like this, the attachment to our regret and guilt will dissolve little by little and it will get easier to do something we love. One day we can look back and see that we have indeed washed them away in that river. This process has made us stronger and more resilient and it has taught us how to cope when we might come across other challenges in our life. 

Is the Eight of Scrolls stalking me again?

Three times this week I’ve pulled The Eight of Scrolls from the Chrysalis Tarot for my daily draw. That starts to feel a lot like a stalker card, especially since its Rider Waite counterpart, the Eight of Swords has been my stalker card for years. 

I wondered what the visionary in this card wanted me to see more clearly today. What part of my story should I revisit and maybe rewrite from a different, more healing perspective? We are often inclined to play the victim in our stories but what if we could actually see ourselves as the heroes and heroines?

To get some clarity on what aspect of my story I should focus today, I pulled the Five of Spirals. We see a dragon breathing flames into the darkness. This fire represents the light of our conscious awareness. The Dragon is helping us to see what is hidden in the shadows deep within and  more important to acknowledge and accept what we find there. Only then we can try to integrate these shadow parts into ourselves.  Maybe we can learn to see and appreciate the role they’ve played in our story up until now. We can also try to connect these shadows to the more positive parts of our lives. That way we can become the hero of our story. My fears and anxieties have been just as important in becoming who I am today as my strength and determination. We are who we are: complete, whole and good enough. With all our flaws, fears and insecurities, let’s be our best version of ourselves today.

NB:  The Greek word drákōn from derkomai, means "to see clearly” and is the root of the English term, "dragon"

Eight of Scrolls - 'The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.'

My question for today’s daily draw was: “What am I grateful for?”and while shuffling I noticed myself hoping for a positive card. Being grateful for the good things in life is the most easy part of practicing gratitude. But how about being grateful for the challenges in our life. We all know that the difficult situations are often our most profound teachers and they instigate growth on a much deeper level than the happy times. 

Today’s card is the Eight of Scrolls, aka The eight of Swords. It’s the same card I pulled yesterday and I hope it is not going to be my stalker card again. In the depiction we see a visionary trying to makes sense out of all these scroll fragments. She is seeing them with her mind’s eye, swirling above her head. It is up to her to make sense of these snippets and weave a story for us and give us advice on how to proceed with our life. We all have an inner visionary, a part of our higher self, our intuition, who is able to connect the dots and make sense out of our own scrolls pieces. This is the part that knows the bigger picture; the how and why and it  will steer us in the right direction with some wise and empowering advice. And no we don’t need a crystal ball. The only thing we do need is some peace and quiet to turn inwards and listen to the soft voice: our ultimate spiritual guide. 

Taking a walk with Gaia, The Empress

Yesterday I was busy cleaning and clearing my little house in the forest (Four of Spirals). I swept the floor, polished the windows and dusted the furniture. This morning I opened the door and stepped outside to take a breath of fresh air and I wondered who would want to come by and visit me on this beautiful summer morning; which energy would want to dwell in my clean house?

How baffled I was when I pulled Gaia the Empress from my Chrysalis Tarot Deck. Just a few days ago I wondered why I almost never pull this card. The last time I pulled The Empress was in November 2015 and now here she is today, beautifully “dressed in the garb of Summer”, on my doorstep of my little house in the forest. Politely I invited her in but naturally she preferred to take a walk outside. So many things I could have asked her but the only thing I did was enjoying her presence and basking in her radiant beauty. She teaches us to enjoy the abundance of her creation on heart level. Stop asking questions and thinking about the how and why, just enjoy life and be inspired by her creativity. It seemed we were walking for ever or maybe just for a minute but however long it was it was enough and I was fulfilled. When I came home, my little forest house was filled with her fragrance of flowers, fruits and a touch of earth... 

Four of Spirals - Clearing energy

Yesterday,  I got the Chrysalis Tarot Companion book in the mail and so far I love reading it. In this book Toney Brooks shares the underlying themes and motives of this gorgeous deck and he explains a lot about the symbolism in the cards. It really creates a more in depth understanding of this beautiful but often challenging deck.

For today I drew the Four of Spirals. We see a cozy little cottage with a thatched roof deep in the forest. Four spiraling ferns are standing in the foreground. It is nighttime and the little house is bathing in the light of a promising crescent moon. Now who wouldn't want to live there!

This card is all about clearing energy in every form possible. It could be about getting rid of physical clutter and all kinds of stuff gathered over the years but not adding anything to your life’s happiness anymore. (Very difficult for me since I am a Taurus and I am very attached to my "stuff".) It could also be about letting go of old ideas and preconceived notions and last but definitely not least it could be about clearing actual energy. The book talks about how we first need to clear energy before new energy can enter our “house”. Sometimes opening our windows literally and metaphorically can do the trick.  However you want to accomplish this is okay and when you have finished sweeping your house,  it is time to enjoy the solitude of your Harvest Home and put the broom outside. Then, as the guidebook suggests,  you can go upstairs and look out of the fresh polished window into a bright inviting future where anything is possible.

I must say that reading this book acquires an open mind and a susceptibility for new ideas about how to perceive life, the universe, the otherworld etc.  But at the same time it all feels so familiar and so easy to combine with what I do believe already. These ideas do open windows and doors which were locked before. They promote togetherness instead of separation.

Shadow work and preparing for Imbolc

The last week of the Solitary Tarot and Oracle challenge is all about shadow work. And to be honest at first I wasn't excited about that at all. As soon as I heard Reacine mentioning the theme of this last week my I burst out  a whole repertoire of excuses: it is not the season to do this kind of exercises, my deck is far to sunny, I know my shadow part already, I don’t want/need to know my shadow parts, first I have to watch YouTube video or read blogs about shadow work etc. All these excuses were born out of fear and anxiety for the unknown.

And then I pulled the Four of Stones which summarized  how I felt perfectly: in the doorway to my path which will lead me to self-awareness is standing a huge heavy chest filled with blocking attitudes and false assumptions of safety. So reluctantly I've started with the last week of my challenge: I am dipping my toes in to shadow work. Since this is all rather too personal to blog about, I thought I’d show you my altar for Imbolc. 

The goddess statue is a thrift store find from last week. When I saw her I immediately knew I had to take her home. I love that she is not overly detailed so I can see in her many aspects of the Goddess. For now she is Bridget to me. Lately I feel very drawn to the creative part of The Divine; to seek inspiration. A few days ago I was trying to write some poetry when I remembered that Brigid is the goddess of fire and inspiration and yes even of poetry. I thought it was fitting she would be my focal point for Imbolc.

Slowly the earth is waking up for Springtime and I feel it is time for me to open myself up to her energy too and allow myself  to be playful and creative. 

Eight of Scrolls – Illusion

For today I've drawn the Eight of Scrolls (Swords), from the Chrysalis Tarot. A far less glooming depiction than we find on a more Rider Waite based Eight of Swords. Here we see an Egyptian visionary with her Crystal ball gazing at eight pieces of shredded scroll.  She is hovering over a camel in the desert, a symbol a endurance.

This camel makes you wonder, how long you have been carrying your obstructing, fragmented stories through your emotional desert. With each step they alter, cause for more fear, anxiety, stress and illusions. Because most of the time we tend to fill in the gaps with negative self talk, worries and doom. This card urges you to enter the tent of the visionary, where she will guide you to gather the pieces and with focus and heartfelt intent and to see  the content of the entire scroll for what it really is. 

This is like a bucket of water for the camel; a relief, a moment of rest, of freedom and letting go. 

Then the visionary gives you a new blank scroll to write down your story, so whenever you doubt or are tempted to add preconceived notions and misinterpretation you can write down what you really know to be true

Today I am going to I consciously check if my thoughts and assumptions, are based on truth or illusions and journal about it.

Storyteller is giving me back my dreams

Yesterday I drew the Four of Scrolls, just as the day before, as a reminder to try to stop worrying about things I cannot change. Since I had drawn this card already for my Solitary Tarot Challenge I pulled another card with the question how to accomplish this and I got the Storyteller, The Hermit of the Chrysalis Tarot. 

She is a wise old crone, a healer and a shapeshifter. She announces the need for introspection. In a previous post about The Storyteller, I've mentioned her ability to tell you the stories you need to hear, to share truth, wisdom and healing through ancient tales. But she is also a gatherer of stories; our stories. She asks you to confide in her, to tell her our worries, secrets and desires. When we are invited to share our story, our dreams, we have to turn inward to find them. By giving them words and thoughts they can be elevated to our consciousness.

I've been thinking/fretting a lot about  pursuing my dreams and goals lately, somehow afraid I had forgotten all about them but this morning I realized I haven’t been doing so bad at all. When I was meditating I found myself lying down on a bed of withered leaves from last autumn. I felt  weary of life and just wanted to sleep when an old crone passed by and stopped to sit down beside me leaning against a big old tree. She asked me to tell her what a was wrong and to share my dreams with her and when I did,  I realized that all the dreams of my youth had come true one way or the other. Life has way of adjusting and disguising them but in their core they were still my dreams. We only need to look more closely. Before she left she swept aside some of the leaves with her hand and there was a tiny green sprout from a very brave Crocus  All and all it really  was an empowering meditative journey.

Later this morning I pulled my card for the day and I got the Ravens (the Magician) These Ravens are called Hugin and Munin and they are Odin’s ravens. They are playing with pearls which stand for synchronicity. They live in the upper branches of the Tree of Life and today I cannot help but wonder if they have overheard me talking to the Storyteller and came to confirm I can trust my own instincts to make things happen according to my intention and my dreams.

P.S. did  I already tell you I adore this deck???? J

Two of Stones – Trust

Today’s card is the Two of Stones (Pentacles) from the Chrysalis Tarot. We see a bear considering if he is able to move to the next rock. The situation looks dangerous but the bear, just awake from his winter sleep, feels the need to search for food. The ice in the river is melting and spring is waiting just around the corner. We see the bear scouting the area, thinking: “Is it safe? Am I strong enough to make the leap? After being in hibernation that long we can assume he might be a bit uncertain and wobbly on his feet. It is crucial he remains firmly grounded and surefooted before he makes any attempt. And above all he has to trust himself. When you feel insecure you are likely to make mistakes or freeze and do nothing

So often we balance between opposing energies. Not knowing which way to go. Only after we've first turned inward to find our strength and confidence we can trust ourselves to make the right decision

Today I promise myself to breath before I jump!

Queen of Stones - The Artiste

Imagine my surprise when today I pulled The Artiste – The Queen of Stones (Pentacles) from the Chrysalis Tarot. She represents the creative impulse of imagination and intuition. This is an impulse I am always trying to feel and learning/practicing how to work with.

She is the fourth Queen I've pulled during The Solitary Tarot Challenge. A few day ago I've got Gaia – The Empress. So this Queen completed the full ranks of female royals I've got for my daily draws.

When I read what the LWB had to say about her  I was even more amazed:

“The artiste paints your path through a tranquil grove of ash trees. A butterfly watches the process of transforming blank canvas into glorious reality, a metaphor for your personal journey…. You’ll find yourself immediately drawn to her as she charts your progress with brush strokes of wise and sensible advice”

I could not think of anything to add to this. How beautiful does this Queen link to my Spiritual Journey Spread. Together these four Queens and their Empress unlock hidden doorways to new opportunities  new ways of thinking and they open up windows to let in a fresh breeze.

I am so grateful I chose to participate in this challenge.

A Spiritual Journey Reading with The Chrysalis Tarot (II)

Today I wanted to share the Tarot reading which I did last night. It was very special to lay out the cards in a self created spread. Interpreting the reading took a bit longer than usual because thoughts and feelings were changing over time. Finally this is what I came up with:

1 Right now I am here; this is my current situation: The Pilgrim – Page of Scrolls

I am a seeker of  truth. Always reading and learning, but kind of lost along the way. I carry a lot of baggage, not sure what to bring along and what to discard. Always searching for a more beautiful butterfly

2 Where do I come from? Herne the Hunter – The Chariot

Willpower and strength has brought me here. Determination to succeed has made me hopeful.

3 Where do I want to go? Nine of Scrolls

I want to conquer my fears; to unnerve them with my mind. I want to let go of my worries and anxieties! 

4 Where does God(dess) want me to go? Moon – The Moon

To  my inner core where fears are born, To connect with my intuition and to dare to embrace  my shadowy parts in the light of the Moon. This way I will gradually become whole. This is such a different process than deciding not to be afraid anymore. (3) And it is God(dess) (The Moon) who will embrace me when I am stranded on an island and don’t know which way to go.

5 What is blocking me, holding me back? The Watcher – Queen of Mirrors

This card was a bit confusing. How could my most favorite card block me. Maybe it could be a warning not to become to dependent and/or fixated on the archetype of The Watcher; Trying too much to be like her and when I cannot succeed this could result in feelings of in disappointment, failure and insecurity

6 What is helping me on the way? Six of Stones

Of course: Practicing Loving Kindness! Giving love to others and to myself. Not just feeling love and meditate about it but showing it in so many various ways. And besides that, also trying to accept the gift of love from others too. Taking care for and loving one and other is the most nourishing and strengthening practice one can think of.  The Tree of Life show us everything is connected

7 An encouraging nudge from God(dess) Five of Spirals

By a fierce Dragon I am chased from my hiding place; out of the darkness into the light of the Crescent  Moon. Stop my inner struggling and do something! This feels a bit more pressing than a nudge though! J

My Spiritual Journey Tarot Spread (I)

Last week Raecine from Ownlmoon513 asked us, as part of the Solitary Tarot and Oracle challenge, to create a personal spread tailored to yourself and your deck. That would be a first for me, so I found it rather intimidating to come up with such a spread. She suggested we should use at least 5 cards and you all know how I feel about large spreads J

The Chrysalis Tarot is a rather spiritual deck which in my opinion would call for a spread of a similar nature. Since I often struggle with my own spirituality and relation to and connection with the divine I thought it would be a good idea to create a spread around this subject.

This is what I came up with: 

My Spiritual Journey Spread

1. Right now I am here; this is my current situation
2. Where do I come from?
3. Where do I want to go?
4. Where does God(dess) want me to go? ( it could be useful to compare position three and four.
5. What is blocking me, holding me back?
6. What is helping me on the way?
7. An encouraging nudge from God(dess)

Tonight I am going to try this spread with the Chrysalis Tarot. Feel free to share your thoughts and comments or perhaps your own experience with this spread

Queen of Spirals - The Muse

Today’s card is the Queen of Spirals (Wands): Yes another Queen has come to me today! This Queen is a perfect example of how “The Troupe” aka the court cards in the Chrysalis Tarot are not always similar to their Rider Waite Counterparts. Usually we experience the Queen of Wands as the fiery, extrovert and passionate queen; our go to archetype in need of courage, confidence and creative drive. 

The Queen of Spirals however is much more gentle and she approaches you with care and softness. This is highlighted by her spirit animal; a fawn. Just like this fawn she comes silently and if you try to catch her she gone in an instant. And look how she holds her hand to calm and reassure you. She is your inspiration. Whenever you are doubting and feeling insecure, she whispers softly in your ear or give you a slight nudge in the right direction. She is your stream of consciousness, your intuition. She knows what you need even better than yourself.

Whenever you write, paint, dream, sing or whatever creative outlet you prefer, she is there to wake up your inner wisdom and to let it come into being; on the paper, in the words, as a vision…..

This is what she has in common with her more fiery sisters: She inspires…..

"Often the Muse will not respond to direct and logical requests. She must be lured in with the playful and gentle. (Jill Badonsky)

Journaling about The Queen of Scrolls - The Weaver

For today’s daily draw I've pulled the Weaver – The Queen of Scrolls,  aka the Queen of Swords, from the Chrysalis Tarot, my deck for the Solitary Tarot Challenge.

I thought it might be fun to show you how I do my journaling about a daily draw. This is slightly different and less cohesive than writing a blogpost.

First I pour myself  a cup of coffee  and then I start shuffling the deck. I don’t have a particularly way of shuffling. I just shuffle until I think it is enough. One thing though, I tend to smell my deck a few times between the shuffling. I store most of my cards with a small scented pillow or some incense, so smelling the cards makes me feel relaxed and is very comforting.

Then I pull my card and start writing whatever comes to mind:

“Yes! Another Queen!! How I love all my Queens of Swords so much. I can identify with them on such a deep level. And this one is particularly kind and lovely….

Purple is peaceful, conscious, serene and wise. Scrolls stand for idea’s words, stories, knowledge, intelligence, reason

This Queen is a weaver. She weaves her yarn into an image. With her words she weaves stories, parables, lessons, life itself. With her mind she weaves solutions and idea’s, truth and knowledge.

She invites me to come closer and to look at her weave and learn from her. She is waiting to share her wisdom and teach me.

This card radiates a peaceful serenity. Her cat is sleeping; snoring lightly.

The heft is a given fact but with the waft she is creatively filling up the open spaces in between. This way I can solve my problems, take on challenges and process knowledge.

When my basket is filled with all sorts of yarn, my possibilities on this loom are endless.

This idea fills me with peace and strengthens my confidence” 

These lose scribbles are  straight from my journal (except just a few more personal ones). It is not much but enough for a daily draw. After jotting down my notes I read the corresponding chapter from the LWB for additional explanations and interpretations.

I sincerely hope this way I can keep up with the challenge, which I am enjoying so very much. 

Wolf Moon in January – Seven of Stones

The Full Moon in January is often  called the Wolf Moon. This name originates from America. During the winter  wolves would come very near  the villages of the Native Americans and howled. They were hungry because there was so much snow and finding food was extremely difficult. Therefore, the villagers called the full moon in January: The Wolf Moon.

Question for  a daily draw: What am I hungry for? And I pulled the Seven of Stones from the Chrysalis Tarot.

The keyword for this card is Regret. Well that is not what I am hungry for but I see this card as the very moment this girl has enough of her own wallowing in too many regrets. This is the moment she is considering to put her pan flute to her lips and blow a cheerful tune. Sometimes enough is enough and all you can do is accept the past because there is nothing you can do to change it. Try to embrace its lessons and continue to follow your path; step by step, day by day.

So I am hungry for following this river to wherever it may lead me; I am hungry for the flow of life without these stagnating blocks of guilt and regret. 

Solitary Tarot Challenge: So far so good!

It is just the third day of the new year but I wanted to give you a quick update about The Solitary Tarot Challenge, which I am so excited about. 

Each morning I draw a tarot card from my Chrysalis tarot deck and immediately I start  jotting down the thoughts  and feelings this card is giving me. There is no right or wrong; everything goes . It is all about listening to your intuition. Although I blog about my cards I haven’t been journaling about them for myself and I must say this is such a comforting thing to do. It is just me and my journal and of course a mug filled with my morning coffee.

The first three cards have made me realize how long it has been since I've drawn or painted something and how I miss doing this. Facing my fears, I picked up my pencil and made a quick little sketch of the Five of Stones, one of my daily draws and added a touch of watercolor to it. Doing this was very relaxing and it made me so happy

So I thought I would share my enthusiasm for this challenge because it has brought me already a lot in just three days  

Happy New Year - Solitary Tarot Challenge

First let me start of this blogpost by wishing everybody a wonderful, joyous and creative 2015!

I think most of you are just as excited as I am to leave the festivities (which have been really good this year) behind us and start a whole fresh new year with an abundance of chances and possibilities

To underline this feeling  I've started The Solitary Tarot/Oracle Challenge from Owlmoon513. This is mainly a challenge for people who want to use their cards as a tool for  spiritual development. She will upload a video every week with some exercises and to share her own experiences

Her advice is to chose one deck  for this challenge which you are particularly drawn to or maybe a deck you want to get to know  better.

I’ve chosen The Chrysalis Tarot. Although I love this deck which I consider truly a work of art, so much, I still struggle with the different imagery and symbolism compared to a Rider Waite themed deck. As a supportive tool I’ve bought the  corresponding app from Foolsdog . That way I will have a quick access to the deck wherever I am and I can record my daily draws with the LWB interpretations in the journal which comes as an extra feature in this app. My more personal thoughts and feelings will be written in my regular tarot journal.

The card I've chosen from my physical deck for myself today is my favorite card: The Watcher, The Queen of Mirrors. I see her as my guide on this journey with this deck. You can guess my surprise when the first card I pulled from my app was: The Watcher! J

Four of Stones - emptying my drawer

For today I've pulled the Four of Stones from the Chrysalis Tarot. The keyword for this card is “Possessions” which is beautifully depicted in this card as a bejeweled chest probable filled whatever stuff is most prized in your opinion.

I pulled this card when I was rummaging through my tarot drawer and my drawer with “magical stuff, like altar cloths, candles and crystals etc. I am very fond of these things. Playing with them, handling them is almost soothing. But I wonder if I am letting these items blocking my way to what really matters? The chest in the card is  “blocking the pathway of self-understanding.” Do I need these things to feel spiritually connected and if so: Why and to what extent?

Maybe because I am a very Swordy type of person, I think I need these items to instantly connect with Spirit, without having to read lengthy prayers, ritual texts or informative books. Smelling incense instantly puts me in the right mindset. Touching a crystal relaxes me and oh my goodness, playing with my cards is such a wonderful way to access my intuition. Maybe it isn't the fact we use these tools which might be hindering us, but more the way how we perceive them. They are nice but not necessary. They are not magical themselves but they can help to evoke the magic within us. Holding a mala while chanting is nice but buying the next perfect mala isn’t going to improve this practice. I wonder how I would feel if I would empty my chest/ drawer/room for one week and only keep three things….: one deck, one crystal,  one candle………..

Kali - Facing fears

Yesterday I've compared Storm Angel with the Tower and that reminded me of The Tower card from the Chrysalis Tarot which depicts the goddess Kali

She is a Hindu goddess, an aspect of Devi, the Divine Feminine. She is a slayer of Demons (mostly inner ones) and a Goddess of Time and Death. Although she has a frightful appearance she is a loving, protective mother goddess

“She is the goddess of the ending of cycles, the death and transformation energy that lets go of the old and brings in the new. Kali is a loving energy that helps free us of fear, she only destroys that which keeps us in bondage”,

She will help us with: Courage, Determination, Direction, Focus, Motivation, Protection, Tenacity

 I am going to put a depiction of her on my altar as a focal point for the coming time. It is almost Samhain, a time to let go of old and non serving thought patterns. Fear is one of my largest stumbling blocks and is keeping me from the things I really want to do and even to a point  I don’t always know what I really want anymore. I am so good  in avoiding difficult situations

Kali is all about facing our fears and acknowledging them is the first step. I don’t expect to get rid of them right away. She is also goddess of time. It will probably be a spiraling process; each time around I will free myself a bit more. To accept this is a learning process too.