The High Priestess – Uncovering and facing fears

Today’s card is The High Priestess from the Deviant Moon Tarot. I don’t pull her often. The last time was March 2016 and the time before was December 2014. But today she is here in a more grounded version of herself. The bare feet and the checkered floor both indicate to me that she is not at all an airy-fairy kind of Priestess but more the kind of woman who has gained her wisdom through the trials of her life. She guards her wisdom well and is not eager to share it with just anybody who comes along. Besides being known for her well-guarded wisdom she is also the keeper of secrets and she inspires us to tap into our intuition because facts and logic can only bring us so far.

In many ways, she reminds me of the Queen of Swords. Perhaps because her face isn’t as gentle as we are used to seeing in depictions of the High Priestess. She looks stricter and more aloof to me than others versions of this archetype

So why has she decided to come along today after being absent for so long? I feel she has guided me today to face one of my hidden and deep tucked away fears. After too many years, I have dug it up dealt with it and in the end, it wasn’t that scary and emotional as thought it would be. Facing these kinds of issues instead of avoiding them, releases energy which can be redirected into something fresh and new. 

After all of this, she looks so much softer and gentle than I thought she was. I hope she will pay me a visit more often.

Wheel of Fortune - Never lose your sense of wonder

Back from a pleasant visit to my mother, I am more than ready to jump into the wonderful month of October. This month I am planning to participate in two Instagram challenges; Yes Two! I don’t know if I will finish them, but for now I am excited to take part in both of them.

The first one is #shadowworkoctober themed "Cycles of Self" by @mnomquah and the second is #embracethemagical by Kelly from @thetruthinstory. I will be sharing bits and pieces from these challenges on my blog especially when they are not overly private. I guess the shadow work challenge will be the most personal one. 

Today’s word from #embracethemagical to draw a card with is: Wonder and I drew the Wheel of Fortune from the Deviant Moon Tarot. According to the dictionary wonder means: something strange and surprising; a cause of surprise, astonishment, or admiration or a miraculous deed or event.

The Wheel of Fortune is all about the ups and downs in life. Call it fate or destiny but the core of the matter is that life is in a constant state of flux. Whenever we are caught in a downward spiral, we know things will change for the better and whenever things are going swell, we feel in our gut this cannot last. But besides looking at the wheel and hoping or fearing what the next spin will bring we can also try to focus ourselves on the wonders our life is showing us moment by moment.  By looking through the eyes of a child to whatever comes our way, we can add so much wonder to our day to day life. It can be such a relief to zoom in to the magical tiny details of life and let the grand scheme of things be for a while.

"Whatever happens, always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder" - E.B. White

Ehwaz and the Nine of Wands – Don’t let your past define you

Today’s rune is Ehwaz, which means horse and it stands for cooperation and loyalty, as well as for movement and progress or maybe even a combination of the these two aspects. For today I wanted to know how to  get going again after feeling a bit out of sorts due to the extreme heat and humidity here. I want to do so many things but it is so hard to really get anything done. 

To answer to this question I pulled the Nine of Wands. Often I see this guy as a defender and a warrior. Someone who doesn’t give up and will fight for the cause, although he might get hurt or overburdened in the process.  I’ve been there, done that and I’ve learned the hard way this isn’t always a  healthy attitude. I also notice he is turning his wounded head to the eight wands behind him his as if he is defined by his past experiences.  This might cause fear or recklessness or it might even render him immobile. 

The Deviant Moon card is highlighting the incapability to move. This figure is  sitting on the stairs with his head down and he is not even holding his ninth wand. A possible answer to this problem can be found in the Nine of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. In this card we are encouraged to stay in the here and now and  to acknowledge our past experiences but  not to  let ourselves be hindered by them in any way. By telling and retelling our story, our great deeds and challenges, we might color the present moment in ways that will prohibit to enfold our full potential. The Gaian tarot guidebook talks about the benefit of a spiritual practice which of course I fully agree with but which I am not putting into practice lately.

So for today I will begin (again) with a  daily meditation and gratitude practice. And I will not let my previous lack of success to maintain my practice taint this new beginning!

“Each morning we are born again.  What we do today is what matters most.” - Buddha 

Soulcards and Laguz – Don't keep the lid on

My Rune for today is Laguz, meaning water or lake. This is the rune of feelings and emotions, of the unconscious and of the hidden and unknown. Combined with this Soulcard from Soulcards 2 it is obvious how unhealthy it is to bottle up feelings and emotions and to keep them under a heavy lid. One way or another they will always find a way to surface and always when you’ll expect it the least.  This intense screaming inside will hurt us so much more then expressing our troubling feelings when they arise. Sometimes our cover can be so strong and impenetrable, it might even be possible we cannot hear our own soul screaming. But what if we do hear it, what to do about it?

And then I pulled the Six of Pentacles from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. The first thing that came to mind was asking for help to someone we trust. Because obviously  we are left with little to give like in the Six of Pentacles of the Wildwood tarot. The card from the Deviant Moon Tarot advises me to keep some of my time and resources for myself when others come to ask for my help after I have recuperated from this emotional tidal wave . My initial response is always give, give, give and that’s okay as long as I don’t exploit myself.

Today after a very busy morning and afternoon I am claiming some space and time for myself to do the things I love most… and maybe take a peek under that lid…

My thoughts on The IG Tarotspective Experience

my setup and six decks that might play along

In less than three days July has come to an end, so several new tarot challenges for August are promoted on IG. Among them is the Tarot “Experience” called  #tarotperspective   created by Kelly from @thetruthinstory and Patrick from @inthe78cards The fact that they call the Tarotperspective an experience was the reason I wanted to find out what this was all about. I’ve come to realize that I am not that good with IG challenges. Such a challenge is often a collection of 30/31 prompts to draw your daily card with. It puts too much pressure on me and when I am not able to complete a challenge it feels a bit like failure.
This Experience is supposed to be different. The goal is to choose one core deck and two additional decks. From the core deck you’ll pull, after shuffling, a card and from the additional decks you'll find its counterpart. When you sit with these cards you’ll experience how your understanding of the card you've pulled will grow and  become more layered. There are no prompts or questions. You don’t have to show up every day and you're free to tailor this Experience to your own liking. Some people  chose more than two additional decks or some will rotate them weekly.

Example with the Death card

For me it is certain I will pick the Original Rider Waite Tarot  as my core deck. The Rider Waite Tarot is the deck I started out with many years ago. It is a highly trusted, well read, and deeply loved deck. I want to broaden my perspective of the archetypes in this deck. I want to deepen my relationship with its characters and I want to add some fresh insights to the mix of meanings I have for each card of this deck. The more I think about it the more excited I become to participate in this challe… no, experience!

I am not sure which additional decks I will choose. Perhaps I will choose several and let

empty beds

my intuition guide me which decks want to enlighten me about my daily draw. Or I might just end up using two of the ones I’ve picked; we’ll see.

If you are on Instagram maybe you would like to join in and if you’re not, you might like trying to do this for yourself

Ace of Wands – Feeling free to be me!

Today’s question for Shadow Work October by Mnomquah is:

Mage - What areas of my life need to be freed from outside influence?

I’ve chosen the Deviant Moon Tarot to help me answer this question and I pulled the Ace of Wands!

“The Ace of Wands heralds the beginning of all that is good as she cradles new life in her arms. Her massive torch is prepared to spread its fire throughout the woods, igniting

minds with creativity and passion.”

Look how she gently holds  her new born in her arms. Just like a mother who is caring for her child, we all should be kind and nurturing for our ideas and dreams about who we want to be and how we want to build and create an authentic life for ourselves. I remember the fire inside when I was much, much younger. I wanted to change the world and make it a better place. I wanted to pursue and Eco-friendly lifestyle. I wanted to be an artist etc. But when I grew older I was taught to be responsible and do as grownups do: find a job, buy a house and start a family.  This is when I started to become more insecure about my own needs and desires. What would others be thinking of my choices?

This card reminds me that I am perfectly able to decide for myself what is best. This doesn’t mean I have to turn my life upside down and start over.  I can start right here and now. For instance I can be more kind and supportive towards my creative endeavors. My creative ideas are worth pursuing even if they aren’t successful. I am allowed to experiment and fail just as I am allowed to succeed and shine. Also I can try to be more clear about what I want and make things happen for me; like choosing what we will eat tonight instead of asking what everybody else wants for dinner. Yes it all sounds so simple but even the smallest steps can be the beginning of significant changes.

Shadow Work Spread

Today I’ve done the Shadow Work Spread from the Shadow Work October Challenge by @Mnomquah on IG. For this spread I’ve used the Deviant Moon Tarot by Patrick Valenza.

1 The Light – What you know and accept about yourself?

Queen of Cups. I know I am a loving an protective mother. Always listening to others and  trying to understand them and to feel what they need from me; to know how to help them. I also acknowledge my depression and I try to live with it as good as I possible can.

2 The Shadow – What is hidden from you about yourself?

The Knight of Wands. This is the same card as I’ve chosen for my “least favorite card of the deck”. Well now it is obvious why I picked this card. My Shadow wants to be heard loud and clearly. She wants to be adventurous and to try out new things. She knows no fear or at least she will not be held back by it.

3 Why do you fear you Shadow? What is preventing you from seeing and accepting you Shadow?

Six of Wands. I am afraid of the resistance of my loved ones. They don’t know that part of me. Accepting my shadow might cause conflicts and I don’t know if I am brave enough to face that.

4 Why should you embrace your Shadow? What are the positive sides of your Shadow that would benefit you?

Temperance. My personality would be so much more balanced if I could embrace my Shadow. It would be a very healing experience for me.

5 How to integrate the Shadow into the Light. What steps you should take in order to accept your Shadow?

Four of Swords. It is tempting to try to do Shadow Work only in your head. You have to feel and digest what you’ve learned too; really sit with is and let it sink in and take your time for it. This is the part when the real healing begins

6 The Outcome -The possibilities if you succeed in bringing the Shadow into the Light

The  Magician. I like this card in this position. The possibilities are endless, I can do anything I set m mind to, if I marry my Queen of Cups with my Knight of Wands. Yes so much energy will be set free if they live happily ever after

I am always a bit anxious when I am doing a large and very personal spread like this. Would the cards make sense? What if it is all abracadabra? A bit like stage fright perhaps. Anyway I loved how this spread worked out for me and the insights I got from it. Now I am going for a walk; some much needed Four of Swords time....

Time to leave my Tower

For today I wanted to share again a part of the IG Shadow Work challenge with you. This day the question for our daily draw was:

Devil – What do I need to let go of?

For me The Devil is all about illusions, so with that in mind I shuffled my cards and drew the Four of Wands. While shuffling, another card jumped out of the deck, so I decided to pay attention to this one too. It was the Four of Cups. Now I had two fours to work with. Four is the number of Stability and Security but two times four feels more like stagnation and being stuck in the mud.

The four of wands urges me to let go of my futile attempts to keep resembling a nice and quiet conventional family in a house with a white picket fence. I thought I had had it all once but all too soon I discovered that life isn’t about experiencing the suburban bliss but more about how to cope with the many challenges life offers you and how to cherish the moments of breathing in and out in between.

Besides the need of letting go of this illusion it is also important for me to let go of my feelings of discontent with my life as it is right now. Clinging to this illusion and the sadness over my major loss makes it very hard for me to really move forward.

Today, eleven years ago, my dream of always and forever was shattered to pieces. Maybe it is time I try to pick up some to the shards to make room for new dreams. In order to do this it is necessary I leave my tower but before that I have to fill up my Cups with lots of love and gentle compassion for myself because it is so scary….. 

Searching for the Pearl

Day3  The source of my greatest fear
The knight of Cups from the Deviant Moon Tarot:

He keeps on plodding along; always trying to please everybody but himself. Never satisfied always searching for the pearl in the shell, hoping one day it will be good enough. If he is going to continue to pour from his cup because he feels obligated it will run dry very soon. When will he know he can find the pearl in his own heart and that he is good enough just the way he is right now... and that his cup will keep running over when it is filled by a self loving heart?