New Moon of January

For today’s new moon I’ve decided to only draw one card as a focal point for this lunation. This because I also want to work with my monthly cards of my Year ahead spread and I don't want to make things too complicated. I’ve also noticed that I don’t pay that much attention to the release cards which I usually draw on the day of new moon. Perhaps it is better to draw such a release card on the full moon and to work it when the moon is starting to wane…

Anyway, for this lunation I’ve drawn: II inner Voice from the Osho Zen tarot. This is the equivalent of the High Priestess from  more traditional tarot decks. It is always a very welcome card to receive but also challenging one: Listening to our inner voice can be very tricky, especially when we have some many voices in our head chattering the entire day to us and even to each other. We all know they hardly ever shut up.

Maybe this knowledge is the pathway to listening to our Inner Voice because she doesn’t speak with words springing from our every busy mind but she speaks with the wordless language of the heart. 

She is both dark and light, crystal clear and veiled, playful and profound. She is Truth without having to explain herself. We only have to sit down and find her wordless whispers between the myriad of voices we hear all day long.

Ten of Rainbows - We are the World

Today’s card is the Ten of Rainbows – We are the world, from the Osho Zen Tarot. This card immediately reminded me of the Women’s March and  all the other occasions where we stood or will stand together for what is right and just. It is such an empowering card. No matter what color we are, we are all in this together ….

And that’s when it dawned on me. Even while looking at this beautiful circle of colorful rainbow people, I was excluding everyone who didn’t agree with my political or my spiritual convictions or with whatever I feel is important for my world, my country, my house and my body. Yes while watching this card, I was still thinking in terms of I, me, we, us, ours and they, them or theirs. 

These days, it is easy to feel connected to like minded people but what about the other part of humanity. Is our heart big enough to let them in too? We don’t have to agree with them to be able to acknowledge they are just as human as we are. What does it take to include every living soul in our heart?  What does it take to hold on to our viewpoints and opinions, without feeling superior over those who think differently?

As of yet I don’t have the answer but I am very grateful for the awareness of this issue caused by my card of the day.

My words for 2016

This  year I’ve had some difficulty choosing my word for the year. Previous years my word had always come naturally to me; distinguished itself gradually from  other options but this time around I couldn’t make up my mind and was left with three words, equally appealing to me. So I made a daring decision: This year is my year, so why not have three words.  I am free to do whatever I with my word of the year so without further ado here they are:

(Drumroll………………………)

Osho Zen Tarot

Attention

This year I want to try to really pay attention to the present moment instead of wasting it to worries and regrets.  The present moment is all we really have so I want to make the most of it

Letting go

Letting go fear and control will encourage me to embrace what is here and now and to step in each moment with an open mind.

Trust

I want to trust that  everything I experience  in my life will bring me more understanding of who I am and will help me to become who I am supposed to be and most importantly that everything will be okay

Last but not least, my motto for this year is:

Everything will be okay, so let go and let God(des)

Do you have a word or motto for the coming year?

Resting in No-Thingness and trusting the Adventure

Today I asked my Osho Zen Tarot to tell me who God is for me right now. I hoped for No-thingness and I got No-Thingness. Don’t you just love it when that happens. 

This card is all about darkness, emptiness; Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction. It is isn’t negative, nothing to be afraid of. In absolute darkness there are no shadows. This is the place between death and rebirth: The  gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. It is like the dark soil where a seed lies dormant until the spring.

So again I asked what would be a helpful attitude towards  this Nothingness and I pulled the Page of Rainbows - Adventure. Here we see a child who moves from the darkness into the rainbow of light, led by her sense of wonder and her innocence. Just moving forward without an agenda or a map. Trusting that all is well and letting go of all expectations. She is just moving forward step by step, moment by moment

For now I feel nurtured by the darkness of Nothingness and I am not in a hurry yet to go on an adventure but it is good to know that from here out there will be Something to discover  if I keep an open mind. And perhaps I am already on this adventure without being actual aware of it….?

A few day few day ago I’ve made a vision board which turned out to be focused around my spiritual journey into the unknown. It has become an open, peaceful and spacious collage. The texts say:

Intuition as your compass

Go your own way (literally: Go your own wise way )

Change and Awareness

Change and Awareness

Once again, I got “X Change” from the Osho Zen Tarot as my card of the day. This card has been popping up a lot for me the last couple of days. 

In this depiction we see a large spinning wheel filled with all kinds of universal symbolism.

“It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.”

When I asked my cards what would be a helpful attitude towards Change, I pulled “VII Awareness”, where we see the face of a childlike Buddha looking trough the veil of illusion, which is torn away by awareness. This awareness, which is growing softly inside each of us, is getting stronger and more confident each day without strive or struggle on our part. It teaches us to behave like a witness and to respond to a situation instead of reacting instinctively to every change presented to us.

This attitude will let us observe the changes without being overwhelmed by them.

Working with the Osho Zen tarot

The last couple of days I have been solely working with the Osho Zen Tarot. I have been alternately carrying it with me or keeping it on my altar but one way or the other, always accessible to draw from it whenever I feel like it. I have drawn so many cards already today that I don’t  even remember what my card of the day actually was. The cards I draw aren’t jotted down anywhere. I just look at them,  notice how I react to them, ponder sometimes a bit longer about them, put them for a while on my altar or just back in their bag and then I go about my business until I feel the need to draw another one or perhaps a few to tell me a story together. Sometimes I’ll  ask questions, sometimes I won’t . For now I am so enjoying the energy of this deck. It is as if it is calming me down with every card it shows me. The energy is so soft and gentle and at the same time so strong and truthful. I love the fact that it encourages me to live mindfully and to embrace the present moment in whatever form it may present itself to me. This moment is what it is and it is oke…
The deck doesn’t need me to belief in anything but what is here and now and yet it feels highly spiritual. It encourages me to feel connected; to be loving, kind and compassionate to myself and to others and in doing so it is carefully puts the door ajar to the Unnamable. But that is for another post.

The card which has come up for me a lot lately is the Ace of Rainbows – Maturity.  This card confirms to me that all my life experiences together are forming my inner light which will always be with me and will lead me the way.  

The Courage to take it slow

Today’s card is Courage from the Osho Zen tarot.  A small flower has faced the challenge of the rocks and stones. It has found its way towards the sunlight. And it has become a gorgeous flower in its simplicity: This tiny flower has no need to compare itself to a Rose or an Orchid because it is its own kind of beautiful.

To be kind and gentle for myself on this particularly part of my journey is asking for this kind of courage. The courage and strength to accept and to love myself even if I want to be somewhere else. even if I don’t feel happy and fulfilled, even if I don’t blog regularly or my house isn’t as clean as it should be. It takes courage not to compare myself with other flowers  who seem to be so much more attractive. But hey, they too will wither and die one day…

So today this little flower will help me to embrace every part of me and cherish it for no other reason than because it is a part of me.  Slowly and  carefully  I will guide myself out of the shadows  and into the light because that is where I am meant to be.

Lately I love journaling by hand again about my COTD. No worries about spelling, grammar or if others would understand what I mean etc. Just write word for word what comes to mind and enjoy the process and the little gems which sometimes may appear...

The page of Water - Understanding

My card for today is the Page of Water from the Osho Zen Tarot. The card is called: Understanding. Being the counterpart of the Page of Cups in the Rider Waite system, this page's understanding has nothing to do with his mental abilities but more with a deep knowledge of Truth; almost like a feeling of enlightenment. Suddenly you just know….

“The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time. It is the dawn of a new understanding; that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore (..) Move with the sweetness and gentleness of the present moment. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free.”

How fitting, this card comes after  yesterday’s  Page of Rainbows  – The Outsider. Now the gates are wide open and the bird realizes he is free to go wherever he wants to. The so feared excluding and bullying birds are not so scary anymore. They are like him: just birds.

When we let go of our limiting preconceptions about the world and it's inhabitants, we can grow wings and fly high. Our possibilities are endless when we embrace freedom. First our inner freedom and then the freedom to step into the world with confidence and trust. This is of course so much more easy to write down than to put into practice. But this card might be a nudge in the right direction.J

“No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or emotional appeal.” Marilyn Ferguson

Five of Rainbows – The Outsider opens the gate

For today I've drawn the Five Of Rainbows (Pentacles) from the Osho Zen tarot.

“A small child is standing on one side of a gate, looking through it. He is so small, and so convinced that he cannot get through. He cannot see that the chain holding the gate is not locked; all he has to do is open it.

Whenever we feel 'left out', or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child. It is not surprising, as the feeling is deeply rooted in our earliest childhood experiences. The problem is that, because it is so deeply rooted, it plays over and over again, like a tape, in our lives.”

This card is telling me to stop doubting myself. To stop imagining what other people might think of me. I have been disappointed in people many times, many ways. Always thinking there had to be something wrong with me. That I wasn't good enough. I was raised to be a people pleaser and when I didn't feel accepted I always thought I hadn't done enough to get them to like me. When I look at this card I even think maybe the chain is the child’s way of keeping the bad world outside; afraid to get hurt again.

But lately I have come to realize there is nothing wrong with me. I am  good just the way I am right now. I've learned to accept and yes, to truly love myself. I know I am precious and worthy of Love. So let’s open the gate and step into the world full of rainbow colors!

The Courage to dare to embrace the Ordinariness of Life

For today I've drawn the eight of Rainbows  (Pentacles) "Ordinariness” from the Osho Zen tarot. We see a woman walking in nature, enjoying the blossoming trees and the flowers all around her. “Beauty can be found in the simple, ordinary things of life. We so easily take this beautiful world we live in for granted. Cleaning the house, tending the garden, cooking a meal--the most mundane tasks take on a sacred quality  when they are performed with your total involvement and love.” (guidebook) 

This is an attitude which can bring us so much joy but is so hard to maintain. So I pulled another card with the question: what do I need to enjoy an ordinary life? Imagine my surprise when I pulled "Courage" (Strength) from my deck!

This little tiny flower had the courage to meet the challenge of the rocks and stones and it has become the flower it was meant to be, basking in the sunlight. 

Our daily life with its chores and routines can easily be represented by the rock and stones This courageous Daisy is asking us this: Do we dare to meet the challenge of our daily life; "to dare to live life fully right where you are" and embrace each moment of it. Maybe it can be helpful if you can look at your life as a beautiful painting. Instead of looking at the whole picture in a glance, and judging it in second, look for the details, the brushstrokes and how the light is captured on your canvas.  See the beauty of the colors and notice how they deepen by your perceptive look. Enjoying life can be as simple as looking at it with wonderment.

Today I am  going to be grateful for the colors my day is going to be painted with. So I will brighten the palette of my life

New moon in May

For this new Moon in May I've drawn, as usual two cards from my Osho Zen Tarot. Because I've used this deck for all my new moon readings, it is no wonder the same cards come up now and then . Both these cards have been pulled for a previous New Moon readings. No-thingness was in the Release position this last Lunation and Patience came up in the same position in January.

Release: Seven of Rainbows – Patience

It has been a difficult period with lots of challenges these last few months.  And all I could think was: “When this is over I will…..” But perhaps I should have known it is never over. This is just life. There is always something which is more important than my own needs, desires and aspirations. I will have to say goodbye to the waiting game. My time is Now!

Embrace: V No-thingness

When I do let go of the waiting there is this great black void of No-thingness to dive into. I have been so busy with everybody else's life I've forgotten to color my own. But for the next lunation I will embrace this emptiness. This space between breaths were everything is possible:

“All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.”

New Moon in April

A new moon is all about new beginnings and leaving behind that what serves us no longer. This particularly new moon is a very special new beginning for me and my family. Yesterday afternoon we have received a phone call from the hospital which informed us that M her swelling is benign. The fog we have been living in for weeks finally cleared and the world looks so much more colorful today.

After a short  meditation  I drew as usual two cards from the Osho Zen tarot. They couldn't have been more apt for this coming lunation

Release: No-Thingness

The first thing that came to mind was us leaving Limbo, where time stands still and nothing is certain anymore. Where slowly  the energy  is sucked out of you. A black hole. I gladly release this waiting game

The guidebook has a more nuanced interpretation:  “Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.”

I know it is my mind which attaches labels of good and bad to a situation. Everything just is. From Nothing always come Something. But I am glad it has turned out this way for us.

Embrace: Knight of Fire

The same card as I've pulled for my daily draw this morning from the Joie the Vivre Tarot!

Now there is definitely room for some action. The future is looking so much brighter again. Tomorrow is Beltane, the beginning of summer and I am looking forward to it. I want to be strong and confident and move forward with enthusiasm.

This card from the Osho Zen also emphasizes the importance of not only moving forward with intensity but experience the present moment with that same state of mind and level of energy.

“The figure in this card has taken on the shape of an arrow, moving with the single-pointed focus of one who knows precisely where he is going. He is moving so fast that he has become almost pure energy. But his intensity should not be mistaken for the manic energy that makes people drive their cars at top speed to get from point A to point B. That kind of intensity belongs to the horizontal world of space and time.

The intensity represented by the Knight of Fire belongs to the vertical world of the present moment--a recognition that now is the only moment there is, and here is the only space.” 

I love how these cards fit my current situation and how this deck always gives me some valuable guidance for the next four weeks.

The Second New Moon of March

Just as in January, March has two new moons.  As I've said then, this has no particularly significance for me. It is just the consequence of our Gregorian calendar (1582) This is a liturgical adaptation from the Julian Calendar(46 BC) which has divided our year in twelve months instead of following the lunations.

Anyway let’s not digress. For this new moon I have visualized my circle and meditated about the importance of sacred space. I haven't chanted because I've learned chanting works better for me when I am doing something active: riding my bike, cooking, cleaning etc. When I meditate, I like to focus on my breath. It is good to experience I feel the freedom to adapt my practice to my own needs.

For this new moon I've pulled two cards from my Osho Zen Tarot. They almost speak for themselves... 

Osho Zen Tarot

Release: Nine of Fire- Exhaustion

This man is trapped in his own machinery, thinking he is indispensable and unable to leave his enormous good for nothing contraption. He is captured by self-importance and a false sense of duty. There is no room to play or to  be spontaneous. He has to stay in control; on top of it. This card reminds me to be flexible with structure, rules and routines. They are here to be helpful, not to imprison me. This card is telling me to leave my “factory” and live every day as it was the first one. Don’t react (automatically) but response (mindfully)

Embrace: The Queen of Rainbows - Flowering

The Queen of Rainbows is like a fantastic plant fully in bloom. She is alive and full of possibilities. The sleeves of her garment contain an abundance of seeds. It doesn't matter if they will germinate, she is just spreading them everywhere out of love and celebration for life. "Flowers fall on her from above, and the waters of emotion swirl playfully beneath her".

This is card represents everything I could be if I can leave my contraption. How much wasted energy could be set free. I just have to spread love and joy around me and I will notice how these little seeds produce smiles and brighten up faces. And this in turn will make me happy.

New moon in March

Yesterday I've celebrated the new moon. After visualizing  my circle, I chanted to Durga and Lakshmi. After that, I sat down to meditate for a while,  trying to focus only on my breath, which is still so difficult. I wish I could turn down the volume of my inner chatter.

As usual I drew two cards from my Osho Zen Tarot. Both of them are mainly blue and both of them depict two dolphins. At first I didn't understand the Release card, Ten of Water (Ten of Cups), and it really puzzled me until M. gave me her point a view.

Osho Zen Tarot

Release: Ten of Water – Harmony

Why should anyone want to release such a beautiful state of mind. This is what the guidebook says:

"The experience of resting in the heart in meditation is not something that can be grasped or forced. It comes naturally, as we grow more and more in tune with the rhythms of our own inner silences. The figure on this card reflects the sweetness and delicacy of this experience. The dolphins that emerge from the heart and make an arc towards the third eye reflect the playfulness and intelligence that comes when we are able to connect with the heart and move into the world from there.”

I thought perhaps this card is telling me to let go of trying too hard to be successful in meditating and in bringing that state of mind into my daily life. But M said and with it she worded my first reaction to this card, it was more about letting go of trying to keep everybody happy without listening to my own needs (or inner voice J) Perhaps both options were equally valid but I feel the last is more urgent to let go.

Embrace: Inner Voice

The second card is more clear to me. It is the equivalent of the High Priestess in other Tarot decks which is all about intuition, the unconscious and wisdom.

"The Inner Voice speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. It is like an oracle who only speaks the truth. If it had a face, it would be like the face at the center of this card--alert, watchful, and able to accept both the dark and the light, symbolized by the two hands holding the crystal. The Inner Voice can also be playful, as it dives deep into the emotions and emerges again to soar towards the sky, like two dolphins dancing in the waters of life."

My inner voice has been ignored too often and for too long. Even when reading my own cards,  M had to confirm my first intuitive interpretation (which wasn't all by the book), was right for me that day. I appear to be more confident than I really am.  Listening to my inner voice is something I will be glad to focus on for the coming lunar period. It seems so easy but I think the most difficult part is when you are finally able to hear that soft voice within, is to acknowledge what it is telling you. It might be a truth you don’t want to hear….

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want” Lao Tzu

The second new moon in January

This month we have two new moons. Some call this one the black moon. Personally I don’t feel this new moon has more meaning than any other new moon. Nevertheless, I have adjusted my ritual a bit to try out something new. I've visualized  my circle by calling the elements as I’m used to. It felt pleasant and familiar. For the first time I've incorporated mantra singing in my meditation and I loved it very much. I've chosen to chant a mantra for Tara,originally a Hindu mother goddess whose name means star. Later on she was adopted by Buddhism and now she is widely known as a goddess of o.a. peace, wisdom and compassion but it seems she has some fierce strong attributes too. This mantra has a peaceful feel to it. It is short and easy to remember and it did connect me very well to the Goddess. I didn't expect it to be such a fulfilling experience. I think I will try to do this in my daily meditation too and see if it is something that works for me.

After my meditation I drew two cards from the Osho Zen tarot

Release: Seven of Rainbows –Patience.  

At first sight, his card as Release card did confuse me. Just recent I had another seven of pentacles and I rather enjoyed its message. But then, that might be just the problem. This card is all about waiting patiently, being passive, but perhaps after my “hibernation” of the last few months patience can easily turn into sleepiness or indifference. And that is something I have to be aware of and let go. With the coming of Spring it time to shake off my indolence and become more active and alive

Embrace:  XIX Innocence.

My first impression is to encounter every moment with the innocence of a child and see all things as it was for the first time.

This old man has a playful conversation with the praying mantis . I wonder what they are talking about. The pink flowers are falling around him as a symbol of his innocence and of letting go of preconceived notions and ideas.

 “The innocence of children is beautiful, but ignorant. It will be replaced by mistrust and doubt as the child grows and learns that the world can be a dangerous and threatening place. But the innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.”

I like to understand this as a message to be open minded and open hearted for the changes of nature when we move into the next season and also for the wonder in everyone I meet and everything I see and experience. To except wholeheartedly the gift of change in my life. And most of all to be like a child; alive and awake in every moment. 

Drawing for the Full Moon in January

Yesterday I’ve celebrated the first full moon of this year. I’ve called it The Gray Moon. We have strange weather here: It isn’t as cold as usual . It doesn’t snow or freeze at all. But outside it is gray. The clouds are gray and it is just chilly, drizzling and dreary. This moon it is for me all about cleansing: inward and outward. After the excesses of the holidays, I feel like I have to prioritize what is really important for me and what I can live without easily. One of my goals for this year is to live a simple life and to be grateful with what I have rather than to long for what I don’t have. I believe in the principle of gratitude which teaches us we already have everything we need right now. This principle will color and warm this gray period of January as well as my own heart

After a short meditation I’ve drawn three cards from The Osho Zen Tarot for this Full Moon. (Keeping in mind my theme for this moon is Letting go.) I've found this spread on “Songs from the Wishing Tree” 

Osho Zen Tarot

1 What are my achievements for this moon period so far? Morality. The queen of Clouds. She is the most stiff and severe queen (of swords) I've ever encountered. I read in this card, my sense of morality is no longer a hollow shell of rules and regulations but more a result of awareness in what is going on. I’m trying to let go of the presumptuous notions of what is right and wrong and how one should act. Rather I try to assess the situation at hand and react according to what I believe is the right thing to do or say in that particular circumstance.

2 What are the highlights of this moon? Silence.

My first impression is I am happy I have picked up my meditation practice and I try not to skip it too often. I enjoy the inner silence, the peace and quiet that stems from meditating
“The face in the sky is deep in meditation, a goddess of the night who brings depth, peace and understanding. Now is a very precious time. It will be easy for you to rest inside, to plumb the depths of your own inner silence to the point where it meets the silence of the universe.”

3 What is the next step to take? Maturity. This card tells me to carry the inner balance, the peaceful tranquility I receive from my meditations  into my daily live. And to know this inner light can’t be dimmed by external circumstances. Practical this means not to let my girls,(and the rest of the family) push my buttons. I like to be able to maintain my inner calm and communicate with, instead of snap and yell at them. This  means letting go of control; of wanting everything to go my way and to realize we are three grown up women with our own responsibilities .

Pfff that will be hard J

New moon in January: clearing space for the coming year

As so many of you already know this first day of the new year is also the first new moon of this year. This is truly a great day to start anew. It has been a long time ago since I was so excited to start the new year. I’m overjoyed the Holidays are over and I couldn’t be more thrilled to start this year. For the first time, I have done some "preparatory" journaling about last year’s experiences and achievements and new year’s goals and promises. So I feel really energized and eager to start his year! The reading for this new moon gave me very sound advice for  the month of January. As usual I've chosen the Osho Zen Tarot, which has become my “new moon” deck. 

Osho Zen Tarot

Release: The Burden (Six of Clouds)

 “If life these days feels like just a struggle from the cradle to the grave, it could be time to shrug your shoulders and see what it feels like to walk without these characters on your back. You have your own mountains to conquer, your own dreams to fulfill, but you will never have the energy to pursue them until you release yourself from all the expectations you've gathered from others but now think are your own. Chances are they exist only in your own mind, but that doesn't mean they can't weigh you down. It's time to lighten up, and send them on their way.” 

I've just realized this morning, I've only journaled about my achievements and happy experiences off 2013 but I also wanted to write about the notions and expectations ( from others as well as from myself) I have to let go in order to be able to move forward more freely. Perhaps during all the business of the Holidays I “forgot” to do this. It is so easy to be dragged down by the voices in your head. By naming them and acknowledging them I hope to invalidate them 

Embrace: Letting go (Eight of Water)

“In surrendering to gravity and slipping off the leaf, the drop loses its previous identity and joins the vastness of the water below. We can imagine that it must have trembled before it fell, just on the edge between the known and the unknowable. To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing. Whatever it is--a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped you to define who you are--it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on. Something greater is awaiting you, new dimensions are there to be discovered. You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it: it represents liberation” 

How great is that. What a wonderful and fitting theme for this month. I will certainly review the last year in terms of letting go. I have celebrated my successes already now it is time to take the next step and  let things go and release them. I know I will tremble a bit but when I take it slow I can do this! For today I will clear my house of the leftovers from the Holidays: food, dust bunnies, decorations and make room for the fresh January energy

You don’t have to keep it al together

Osho Zen Tarot

This morning I drove my daughter to an appointment in a village nearby. I had to wait in the car a while until she would return. In the meantime I took this opportunity to meditate and write a bit and to draw a card from my free app of the Osho Zen tarot. I made a promise to myself that this card would be my daily draw. The fun thing is, with this app you can actually move the cards over the screen and pick the one you want. Please don’t laugh; I picked the Nine of Fire aka Exhaustion. When you think the nine of wands it a pity party, it is nothing compared to this card. I immediately felt sorry for the guy and of course at the same time for myself. Some parts of our Christmas have been very stressful. I won’t go into details but it was very difficult for me to accept some situations which were completely out of my control. It made me anxious and even more uptight than I already was. And I wasn’t the only one. Happily the day after Christmas things went more smoothly, which was mainly because the three of us were able to share our feelings about the first day. We managed to be more relaxed and to see things in a different perspective.

“He has been so busy "keeping it all together" and "making sure everything runs smoothly", that he has forgotten to really rest. No doubt he can't allow himself to be playful.”

“The message of this card is not just about being a workaholic, though. It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived. It's time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory, and take a little trip into the uncharted. Your work can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.”  (From the Guidebook)

I do want to be more relaxed but I am so tired (exhausted) now and I find it again difficult to let my guard down because there is also the last day of the year which might cause more stress. I so desperately don’t want to be anxious for that day but the desperation in itself is a part of this guy contraption; my own pitfall

So the only thing I can do is be kind and caring to myself, recover, rest and relax and trust everything will turn out right in the end. As I've said more than once: Let go and Let God(dess)

Compromise between adventure and laziness

Every now and then I just look at the cards and feel no urge to read the guidebook for more “spiritual and in depth” interpretations, to expand on my own plain obvious impression. Today I’ll just stick with the daily ordinariness of this reading.

This three cards read almost like three Lennies with the center card as main topic:

Osho Zen Tarot

So today is all about compromise between two options: adventure and Laziness

Of course when you think about adventure, excitement and surprises come to mind. But we’re not always are up to that. Sometimes the only thing we want is to push root in our couch; especially during weekends. And the cards tell us that’s okay too. Although adventure does include freedom  and exploring possibilities, it also requires a lot of creative energy and perseverance.

So this weekend we’ll get to do both. It is up to you how the scales are balanced. Enjoy!

New moon in December

The day before yesterday I’ve celebrated the new moon of December. I call this moon the Moon of Trees and its theme is letting go. About every tree has let go of its leaves. So it’s only natural to consider what to leave behind in this year, which has almost run to its end and what to bring with us into the new year.
Before I drew my cards I meditated. Since I am a little bit uncertain about how to view  Divinity, I called my circle by visualizing the elements and when I decided to go a second time around to strengthen my circle, I was surprised to see animals which can be associated with these element.  I think I was unconsciously triggered by the court cards of the Wildwood tarot.
Afterwards I drew these two cards from the Osho Zen tarot

Osho Zen Tarot

Release: Postponement (four of Swords) This keyword could be my middle name. I procrastinate mostly out of fear for failure but postponing is coloring my life in grays like the person and the scenery in this card. She wants to participate in life. She longs for life in full color. And so do I, but it’s hard to let go of fear and anxiety. And that is where the next card comes in…..
Embrace: Courage (Strength) For facing fears you need courage. But not the courage of a lion, like in the RW decks but the subtle courage of a tender flower. I have a choice: I can be as a seed stuck between the rocks or I can grow out to my full potential; a beautiful flower. For that is the only thing I have to do to face my fears: I have to have the courage to grow into the light and face life.
 As always I am astonished by the cards I’ve drawn. They are so fitting for my current situation. On a literal level the postponement card speaks of my creative insecurity and at the same time my longing to paint (The window could be a painting)
There’s this funny thing about growth: When you keep focusing on it, you can’t distinguish any change, but if you step back, let go and later on return you’ll notices the change, the growth. So this kind of courage is all about trust in your own ability to grow
The cards complement each other perfectly since Courage is a beautiful attribute to help to let go of postponement and to move forward without fear into the new year