The Tower – Raging fires

Yesterday I pulled the Nine of Wands from the Mary-El tarot as my card for the day. This card felt really significant since my inner Tiger has been dormant for quite some time now.  I know Tigers don’t hibernate but it sure does look like mine is a real sleepyhead.

Today I asked my deck of cards what I could do to wake up my Tiger and ignite my inner fire again. I pulled the Tower. Now, why does this not surprise me one bit? Really, I can’t think of a more suitable card to answer this question with. The Tower is the strongest wakeup call in the whole deck. Its energy crushes unfounded structures and old and outdated beliefs. It undermines the stories we tell about ourselves. It wrecks everything we thought was true and sacred. All these things and much more is as fuel for the raging fire we see in this card.

I believe we can release our Tiger and set our true self free if we are willing to sacrifice our illusion of safety and security, our preconceived notion of how life ought to be, and many more things that no longer are part of our reality but only hold us captive in our Tower. This doesn’t always mean we have to change our whole life: A new job, a new house, and a new husband etc. I think it is more often a radical change of our perspective and a new way of setting our goals and priorities. For me, it is mainly about getting Fear out of the driver’s seat and reclaiming my strength and confidence to chart my own course in life.

Without- Within- Advice spread with the Mary El Tarot

For today I wanted to do a daily three card spread which I found it the guidebook of the Mary El tarot

Without - The world

It seems I have it all under control. I have a house, a steady income, good health, a loving family and I am able to cope with the ups and downs life will present me with. Life is good and I am content. My dreams are fulfilled and I have nothing to complain about.

Within – Six of Wands

This is the archangel Michael, slayer of demons and dragons. Yes, although life is good, I still have many demons to confront. The question this card is asking me is if I want to slay my demons or if I want to assimilate them to become a more complete person. I think the latter. My demons are my own, they are part of who I am, although perhaps they are a bit deformed and grown out of proportion over the years. Marie White states that in this card our higher self meets our shadow. I think that although this might be scary, it is a necessary encounter which we can’t escape forever.

Advice - Ace of Wands

Roar woman! Show your strength and think of a creative way to lure your demons into the light. Don’t be afraid of who you are because you are wonderful and one of kind. This card is the primordial spark of creation. It is the embodiment of courage and power; the seed of our creativity and our intent. What better card to call us to arms than this one.  It is one of the greatest gifts life has to offer us and we only have to reach out than grab it, because it is always and everywhere!

I feel that when I can harness the power of this ace and meet my demons with courage and confidence the energy of The World will become an intrinsic part of who I am.

Eight of wands – Wake me up inside

Today’s card is the Eight of Wands from the Mary El Tarot. We see a winged red lion carrying a sleeping child under a starry arch of Nut, the Egyptian goddess of the night sky. The lion holds in his paw and hand a rainbow lemniscate, the symbol of eternity.

It might appear that God is carrying you here, that you are watched over by divinity, but in truth it is you, the wisest most courageous part of yourself who is carrying you.

This card is a wake-up call to your sleeping self.  The part that thinks she is alone, separated, inadequate, not worthy and so on. All of us have a greatness inside ourselves which yearns to be embraced, if we only would wake up and see how strong and wonderful we really are. The best way to “wake up” is to relax and to listen to our inner voice, which will inspire us to create with colors, movement, words and music. There in the beauty and splendor of art we will begin to get a feel of our true potential

“You were born with potential. 

You were born with goodness and trust. 

You were born with ideals and dreams. 

You were born with greatness. 

You were born with wings. 

You are not meant for crawling, so don't. 

You have wings. 

Learn to use them and fly.”

Rumi

New moon in January

This month I have used the Mary El Tarot for my New Moon tarot spread.  I have been working with this deck for a few days now and my intention is to pull one card each day and set those cards apart from my deck. That way in 78 days I will have worked through the entire deck. I hope it will strengthen my relationship with this intriguing but very complex deck. For this spread I will pull two cards: The first one for the energy I am going to release and the second one for the energy which is beneficial for me to embrace:

Release – Seven of Cups

With this card we are presented with a black wolf, our animal self, our fears and deepest desires. Normally it would advise us to step of the well worn path and enter the forest to meet our wolf. But in the Release position it tells me not to walk to deep in that forest for I might get truly lost. This is not the time to dig deep for the roots of my fear and anxiety.  I see this  a warning not to stir the smooth surface of my subconscious, so that I won’t get overwhelmed by what lies beneath.

Embrace –  King of Swords

This card is quite the contrary of the previous one. The king of Swords wants me to control my thoughts, master my mind and focus on what I want to manifest this month. Only after scanning this card I noticed there are words written alongside his quills which are the swords he uses to rule his realm. The written word is a powerful tool to keep our mind focused and our intention clear.

As you all know my eldest daughter S and my SIL are living with me for a few weeks now and they plan to move out in about three weeks. So a lot of our conversations and activities are gathered around this pending move. Since it is not my move but theirs I have to allow them to make the necessary decisions about Everything! And that’s not easy….

So instead of worrying and trying not to smother them with well meant advise, I will write write and write, first to clear my mind from obsessive moving thoughts and then to focus on how to make more room for myself: for reading cards, reading books, listening to music and painting in my art journal…

Ten of Wands: Feeling confident instead of overburdened

Today’s card is the Ten of Wands from the Mary El Tarot. Instead of a figure weighed down by ten wands here we see a rider on his white horse with a bow in his hand. He is robed in fiery orange and is radiating confidence and inner strength.

The rider has reached the end of the cycle of wands. He is the victorious hero wearing his wreath proudly. But don’t be mistaken his victory isn’t due to the fact  that  he has been successful all the time. No it is because he has accepted each challenge presented to him. Failing is as much part of this cycle as winning and they are both part of the fabric of life. It is not so much whether you win or lose but more about how you conduct yourself  in the process. 

Do you rise above the petty ups and downs of life or are you struck down by each obstacle found on your way. This rider rides his horse high up in the clouds looking at his life in a birds view and he only notices its grand design instead of the tiny frays here and there. The Ten of Wands in this deck urges us to connect our to inner strength, our stronghold deep within us, where we learn what really matters and where true hero’s are born.

Page of Disks - Step by step

Today’s card is the Page of Disks (Pentacles) from the Mary El tarot. And yes again it is a court card. It is almost if  they tell me a story. Yesterdays cub is todays new born baby. Swaddled in cloths and with two beautiful fabricated little shoes on his tiny feet. He is ready to start his journey as a child of the earth. I am sure if he would open his eyes, we would  see the deep blue color of the heavens he came from; this incarnated soul. He is so perfect, so full of possibilities. The guidebook tells us our body is like a shoe for our soul: The means to experience life during our earthly adventure.  With our body we can learn and express ourselves. We can feel and think and have access to all its possibilities. It is up to us to take care for this beautiful gift and to make it strong and keep it healthy, so it can help us and support to fulfill our destiny: making the most of our earthly experience

So what does this mean for me today? Although I am not a baby anymore and a lot of my options have been ruled out along the way, there are still numerous changes and experiences to go for  and to enjoy.  Often it is fear what is holding me back, so this innocent little child so full of trust, also encourages me to be brave and to try new things, starting with little things and go from there; one step at the time

The Queen of Wands - Cherish and encourage your inner cub

Last night I was meditating and I felt rushed and also annoyed that lately so much is left undone. It seems like I don’t have enough time to get everything done. Being the responsible woman I am (ahum) of course the fun things are being put on the backburner. While I was trying to free my mind of all this noise, I heard  from deep within: “Slow down; there is plenty of time”

And then I realized I was rushing from one thing to another without being present with what  I was doing  right now. No wonder I was experiencing lack instead of abundance.

When my meditation was done, I pulled  a card with the question in mind, what could help me to really stay in the moment  and enjoy what I am doing. And I pulled the Queen of Wands from the Mary El Tarot. Well this queen is certainly present in the here and now. Look at how she is presenting herself: boldly and fearlessly. She is a South American shaman holding her little Jaguar, which is a symbol of strength and protection, in her arms :

This queen is the ruler of our inner fire, the flame of our  true self and our creative potential. She will show you who you are really meant to be. This queen always reminds me of Strength and when I opened the guidebook I read:  “She provides you with a safe , warm and abundant environment where you can grow from a small cub to a powerful jaguar yourself; master of your own internal forest.”

When I embrace my creativity; my drive,  and spend time with my cub, time will stretch out and there will be plenty of it to play, to grow,  to work, to enjoy and to be grateful for each precious moment.

Queen of Disks – taking care of myself

For today I've drawn the Queen for Disks from the Mary El Tarot. The first thing I've noticed is that she is crying crystals. We only have her portrait to interpret so it is not entirely clear why she is crying.  From her face and out of her head, roots are growing abundantly, because she is the embodiment of Earth. I often see this queen as a representation of the Empress in the Minor Arcana. In the background we see a rose garden in full bloom. We are invited  to follow the path and take care of her garden because as her children we are co responsible for her creation.

If it wasn't for her kind tearful eye, I would consider this depiction a bit creepy. I've seen more motherly, nurturing depictions of the Queen of Pentacles. But while studying her she gets to me.  She is more a personified energy, a deity,  than a traditional queen and I like that.

For today she is telling me to divert my attention from thinking to doing, from researching to creating  and most of all from taking care of others to taking care of myself; taking the time to relax and to rest, eat properly, got to bed on time and brush my teeth J. All the things a real mum would tell me to do, which are often the last things on my lengthy to-do list 

Strength – Watch and Wait

In the Strength card from the Mary El Tarot we see a woman sitting on a lion, holding a strand of pearls in her folded hands. The depiction is predominantly painted with orange, which relates to the sacral chakra which is situated in the lower abdomen.

Strength is about aligning your soul’s purpose with the source of your  more primal desires. This is where you inner lion lives; the one who is destined for creativity and greatness. It is our task to befriend, to get to know this part of ourselves so we can tap into its enormous potential and to let him watch the zebra’s in the distance while you are praying with you pearl beads. Each bead is a result of wonderful transforming power: making a gem out of a continuous irritation. This is asking for restraint from lashing out and breaking your shell. No, we watch and wait,  are patient and pray.

Strength is also about taking responsibility for our own life; creating it with our words and actions. When we do or say the right thing, we've listened to the voice within. Only we can know what is right. This is when we trust our own greatness. Each time we do the right thing we become stronger and more confident.

This card is a welcome companion for me. It will help me to  find my own Lion. Sometimes I think it is still an insecure cub which bites and growls, to make a lot of noise when shadows are moving in the dark J

Maybe if we hang out a bit more he’ll grow stronger and more self assured.

King of Cups – Listening to the deep waters

For today I've drawn the King of Cups from the Mary El Tarot.  For me he is the master healer, the empath, He feels deeply without drowning in his own or other’s emotional tidal waves.

In the picture we see our king floating in the water between blue lotus flowers. He is holding his scepter, signifying he is Poseidon the God of the Ocean.

The king of Cups is master over the deep realm of our unconsciousness, of dreams and imagination.

It seems like there is not much going on in this depiction but although the surface may look calm and peaceful, we never can quite  grasp what is lurking in the undercurrent. Al we can do is trying to be still and listen,  like this king is doing

I've picked up  my meditation practice (Four days in a row J) This will help me to be still and listen to what is going on in the deep waters of my soul.  I do hope I can keep it up and try to see it as a gift to myself instead of a chore. 

"Whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. What is soft is strong." —Lao Tzu.

Eight of Cups – The strength of an open heart

Although it wasn't my intention to really start working  with this deck, it did arouse my curiosity and perhaps it is a good deck for the beginning of this month.  It might also be a good companion on my journey to explore my inner  landscapes: “The landscapes of the abyss.”

So for today another eight; the Eight of Cups. Instead of a person leaving eight cups, we see a young child with the skin of a lion, draped over his shoulders. The combination of opposites reminds me of the Strength card. Real strength comes from an open and truthful heart rather than from anger and vengeance

So if you are to face obstacles and stressful situations, it is wise to approach it with and open heart instead of being totally shut down and on guard

That way you stay true to who you really are and from this comes inner strength, confidence and self-reliance which  will be shining in your eyes, and permeate your  demeanor  like the sun on the child’s  wrist

Easier said than done, since I am inclined to close all the shutters in times of trouble. It seems to me this card is showing me the right attitude to open the door from the Eight of Swords and meet the one in the tower. Perhaps it is this child I will meet there….

Eight of Swords – Opening the Gate

For today I've drawn the Eight of Swords from my newest addition to my tarot deck collection: the Mary El tarot by Marie White. I've had it for a few weeks now and to be honest is has taken me some time getting used to. The imagery is stunning. But to interpret these cards is a real challenge.  The eight swords in this card are incorporated in the gate. Upon closer look it is a rather strange gate without hinges or a latch. A gentle push will open it and give way to the path leading up to the tower. There is a light in the tower and somebody seems to be waiting for you there. If the tower wouldn't have been illuminated, I would have suspected, that was what was holding me back: Being safe in my hiding place, keeping the world outside. But it is the  inward journey, which can be even more daunting, this card is talking about. When we dare to face and let go of limiting thoughts like fear and worries; when we are brave enough to change our perception, we are able to move through the gate, pick some roses and meet our whole potential self. Because that’s who this red figure in the doorway is, according to the guidebook. It makes sense that rigid thought patterns will block our intuition which is the path that will lead us to the tower and meet the one inside.

It is remarkable how my latest daily draws are tied together by my intention to face my fears. It is giving me the feeling I am on the right path now.