Five of Air - Fear

Today's card is Five of Air from the Vision Quest Tarot. It's called Fear. When I saw this card my throat tightened and I felt almost immediately my anxiety creeping up on me. How could I write about fear? How could I share the magnitude of the hold it has over me. Fear is my constant companion and my biggest enemy.  It protects me from having to take risks and it prevents me from living a full life. It binds me to home, it lets my paints go to waist. It keeps me from playfully trying but it also prevents me from failing.
The question this card is asking me is how to face and perhaps even befriend my fear. How to coax it gently from de driver's seat to the back seat. Fear should not be seen as an enemy but as a way of learning about possible risks and how to proceed with caution and curiosity. Only when Fear is taking over all other instincts and our will to move forward we have to step up and say: "No more of this!"
Today this card has inspired me to blog and express myself, despite feeling blocked and thinking I have nothing to add to the conversation. I think Fear and I are going to have a serious chat about who is in charge of Ellen...

"Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones." Thich Nhat Hanh

The Moon – Dealing with shadows

Today’s card is The Moon from the Raven’s Prophecy Tarot. It appears that the raven is holding the moon in his beak but we all know this is only an illusion. At night in the silvery moonlight, everything seems to look different. Shadows could easily be monsters lurking behind a tree. The sound of falling acorns will startle us more at night than during the day when the sun illuminates our life with certainty and purpose. But at night is it easy to get lost in the dark; to take the wrong turn at the crossroads and to become scared and uncertain but it can also bring you unexpected sometimes magical discoveries…

October is traditionally the month of shadow-work challenges on IG and this year I am participating for the third time with #shadowworkoctober by @mnomquah.  Although it isn’t easy, I am proud to say I have been keeping up so far. Issues which I hadn’t expected are coming to the surface. And others which I was ready to deal with once and for all, seem to stay hidden this year. This is one of the reasons I like to use Tarot for the exploration of my shadow because you can’t decide up front what is going to happen during the process. For me, shadow work with Tarot is a leap of faith into the dark abyss of my soul. Yes, Tarot is making shadow work so much more exciting and sometimes even scary but always surprising and rewarding.  

The Sun - Be your own hero

Today, on a warm August morning I drew The Sun from the Llewellyn Tarot. This card depicts the Sun God Llew, riding on his horse while feeling victorious after slaying his enemy.

So, I was wondering how the optimistic, youthful, and confident energy of this card could help slay my current, most vicious enemy: my anxiety and need to control every situation.

The light and warmth of The Sun will uncover and burn away the anxious feelings and the hurt this enemy is causing me. This does sound a bit like slaying my own dragon because both the characters of this story are parts of myself: my energetic confident ego as well as my slimy and deceitful anxiety.

So what weapons can I use again this ongoing thread? Together, Happiness and Joy will make a strong shield.  Being in the moment with a childlike innocence is the perfect attitude which will keep the darkness at bay. And whenever it does slip through my defences, I can throw an arrow dipped in a potion of trust, faith and self-confidence.

It is so self assuring to be able to be the hero of my own story instead of waiting for my knight in shining armor to come and rescue me.

Uruz and Nine of Swords – About an Ox and a Demon

Today’s rune is Uruz, (Aurochs, the European wild Ox) the rune of strength, courage and endurance. I must be using up  a lot of my strength, because I feel rather tired lately.  So I asked The Anna K tarot what it is that sucks up my energy so easily and I got  the Nine of Swords. It can’t get any more clear than this. I think mental fatigue is a form of exhaustion which is hard to replenish and a good night sleep (which in this case is hard to come by) is often not enough. We all know how tired we can be after a day's’ work in the garden but we also know the deep fulfillment we feel when the is job is done. Yes, maybe some aching muscles will remind us of our work but our energy will be restored at night. With this card the problem lies elsewhere. The continuous churning of the mind over everything which keeps us awake is consuming all of our energy. Often the nine swords represent anxiety, grief, regret, guilt and other demons who might keep us awake at night and prevent us from moving forward in life. And here comes Uruz into play. Even in dire situations like this we have to lift up our head and face each and every demon that haunts us. Naming them is the first step, then follows acknowledgement of the fact we are haunted by them, And then the most difficult part is not to fight them, which only makes them stronger, but to befriend them, get to know them and  find out what keeps them here. and eventually we will be able to set them free which will most certainly boost our energy levels. This kind of work needs a courageous mind and spiritual warrior attitude.  Yes, it is tiring and there is nothing to show for when the day is done. But in the end we will sleep better for it.

Different Cards - Same Message

Today’s card is the Three of Cups from the Druidcraft Tarot. A happy cheerful card, well suited for the Holiday season. Although in this deck the characters are male instead of female, I always identify it with my daughters and myself and of course for now also with my SIL. 

When I asked for advice on how to create such a loving and joyful atmosphere in my house, I got The Wheel: In this depiction we see a woman literally carving out space and time for herself. She is casting a circle with herself in the center of it. From there she can observe and respond mindfully to any given situation at hand without becoming overwhelmed by it. 

Finally I asked what the result would be if I would follow the advice of the Wheel? And then The Star jumped out of my deck. Hope an renewal, Cleansing and healing and wishes come true. When I trust enough that all will be well and I will be able let go of my Holiday anxiety, then I will find that inner peace and quiet: a well brimful of inspiration and loving guidance 

The Knight of Wands – My new best friend

Yesterday I’ve received the Raven's Prophecy Tarot by Maggie Stiefvater in the mail and because we have been quite busy decorating for Christmas, these two cards are the first ones I pulled from the deck.

The Knight of Wands, my least favorite card for ages but recently it has become one of my “sigh cards”. Whenever he shows up I get the feeling I am Brave enough  to do whatever I set my mind too. Up until now this card has always been mainly about overcoming my creative fears. So when I asked in what area of my life he would be willing to help me I was very surprised I got the Ten of Wands. This is the card of burdens and burn-outs. So soon in December and already I’ve pulled Ten of Wands. Together these two cards are telling me not to be afraid of whatever comes my way this month. They assure me I will be able to find the energy and courage to engage any challenge ahead and they also remind me I don’t have to do everything on my own. I have the tendency to believe “Ellen knows best” but I also know I have two very capable loving daughters and a darling SIL who are always willing to do one’s bit whenever this is needed and/or asked.  Also I will remember the almost magical soothing effect of making art. So whenever my head hangs low from anxiety and fear caused by the burden of feeling overly responsible, my paints and pencils will always be ready for action.

The Moon on Water – You can’t be sure of anything

For today I've drawn The Moon on Water from The Wildwood Tarot. The moon is full. We see the shadows of a heron, an auroch and a flight of crows. The moon sheds her light over the marsh. It creates the illusion of a pathway. Everything seems so clear and bright in the silver light of the full moon, yet everything looks different than during the day. We fear what is hiding in the shadows and we don’t know what is hidden in this primal egg beneath the surface of the water. Just as we are apprehensive for our own unconscious; an unknown territory only accessible by our intuition, with its ambiguous messages. All these uncertainties can cause anxiety and stress. We are curious about this egg but at the same time we are fearful for what will happen if we ignite its hatching with our creative force. So often we are paralyzed, not knowing what to do. How do we ever know we make the right choice. The answer is as difficult as it is simple. We only have to make the best choice for now, see what happens and go from there; one step at the time. The most important thing is to keep going.

“To fight fear, act. To increase fear - wait, put off postpone.” David Joseph Schwartz

The moon – Facing fears

Today’s card jumped right out of my deck. Perhaps it was my lack of shuffling skills or something else but for now The Moon from the Original Rider Waite is my card of the day.

After having done some structuring together with The Emperor  I have to say  this card doesn't affect me that much today. Yet there is always some anxiety lurking in the shadows which can jump us unexpectedly. The fact that I am thinking about it proves to me it is still there.

When I worry there is always a constant movement between illusion, fantasy and reality. I feel the anxiety and tell myself this is not real; it is all in my mind. This will only work for a while and then I find myself worrying again etc. I feel like I am both the fearful one and the comforter. The dog and the wolf as well as the moon. The dog and the wolf howl to the moon and they reveal their innermost fears. Today I see the moon in this depiction as the light bringer in the darkness; the mental clarity in an anxious situation. Although not as bright as the sun it will have to do until daybreak .

“I am often attributed with illusion, but I teach that all is illusion. I am the key to breaking through illusion, for only by exploring my energy and connecting with your inner guide will you see beyond. I challenge you to trust what you do not understand, for in trusting the universe, you will begin to know. When you know, there will be no more fear, no more confusion, no more illusion.” (Leila Vey)