Seven of Swords - Putting it all together

After yesterday’s card, the Seven of Swords seems to invite us to really take a good look at what we believe to be true and to shed some light over contradicting idea’s. This card invites me to write about my spiritual beliefs and how I came to this personal blend of several belief systems.

As you all know I was raised Christian but never felt quite comfortable with the exclusive nature of Christianity. Although I loved God and Jesus, the dogma’s were putting me off immensely.  So starting in adolescence,  I have always been trying to fit in with other kinds of spiritual groups but up until today I have never found one. Buddhism, Wicca, Paganism, they all have beautiful and deep truths but somehow I missed the God of my Childhood and, honestly, there was always the fear of being totally wrong and the impending consequences.

My altar was a beautiful representation of my confusion and my swaying between different beliefs. One day I would have representations of Mary, Jesus and other Christian symbols on my altar but a month later it could have changed into a celebration of nature and the Divine Feminine. When I was totally confused I reduced it to a few crystals and a large white candle.

Then I picked up “Paganism” by River and Joyce Higginbotham which taught me that our idea’s of Divinity are something entirely different then Divinity itself. Words, ideas etc are only limiting our perception of God.

This helped me to overcome the fear to be wrong and after long deliberation, I took a leap of faith and I wholeheartedly embraced God as truly multifaceted. It was such a relief not having to puzzle the pieces together but experiencing how everything blends in seamlessly: my love for Jesus and Mary are in no way contradicting with my reverence for Mother Holda and the  Great Mother. One thing that l really love is that with Jesus, I have a male aspect of God to relate to which was very difficult for me when I was solely focusing on Paganism.

In this card we see the old man desperately trying to fit his seven swords in a structure he can work with. I am now positive he will succeed but only when he is willing to implement some room for mystery and awe because our spirit can take us places where our mind cannot enter.

Queen of Wands - To Life!

This morning I got up a bit earlier than usual with the intention to meditate, draw a tarot card and journal about it. I even lit a candle for the occasion. And what a wonderful way to start the day it was. I wonder if I will be able to remember this until tomorrow morning. Just kidding! Since I am not a long distant runner and terrible with challenges, I will try to do this morning “routine”  for a week from today and I promise myself not to beat myself up if I skip a day.

My card for today is the Queen of wands from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. Look at her cheeky smile as if she is saying: “I told you so, everything will be okay. Even if you don’t feel my warmth and my fiery energy for a while, it doesn’t mean I have abandoned you. I am always on your side. Together we can accomplish anything, even a a nagging and paralyzing depression. So smile my dearest, take a walk, create, dance, write, cook, anything will do as long as you do something, even if it  seems you are only pretending. Action is the way of out of sadness. So go for it girl and life!"

Somehow the cards in this deck are so talkative. I used to find them very hard to read with but nowadays they word so perfectly what I need to hear.

Taking a walk with Gaia, The Empress

Yesterday I was busy cleaning and clearing my little house in the forest (Four of Spirals). I swept the floor, polished the windows and dusted the furniture. This morning I opened the door and stepped outside to take a breath of fresh air and I wondered who would want to come by and visit me on this beautiful summer morning; which energy would want to dwell in my clean house?

How baffled I was when I pulled Gaia the Empress from my Chrysalis Tarot Deck. Just a few days ago I wondered why I almost never pull this card. The last time I pulled The Empress was in November 2015 and now here she is today, beautifully “dressed in the garb of Summer”, on my doorstep of my little house in the forest. Politely I invited her in but naturally she preferred to take a walk outside. So many things I could have asked her but the only thing I did was enjoying her presence and basking in her radiant beauty. She teaches us to enjoy the abundance of her creation on heart level. Stop asking questions and thinking about the how and why, just enjoy life and be inspired by her creativity. It seemed we were walking for ever or maybe just for a minute but however long it was it was enough and I was fulfilled. When I came home, my little forest house was filled with her fragrance of flowers, fruits and a touch of earth... 

Oil pastel drawing: “Everlasting love”

Yesterday I’ve made a drawing of a Mother with Child with beeswax crayons and oil pastels. I was thinking about what I could draw when the image of a lemniscate came to mind: the symbol of infinity.  Immediately I connected it with a mother figure ; a head and a womb. Then I started to draw…..

Playing with watercolors

Nothing is a soothing for a restless agitated mind than playing with my drawing pens and watercolors. I am so grateful to have remembered this when I needed it the most.
The Divine Feminine in her aspect of Mother Mary keeps inspiring me and for that I am also truly thankful.

My Painting of Mother Mary and her Child

As some of you might already know, lately I have been working a lot with the Mother Mary Oracle by Alan Fairchild and this has inspired me to create my own rendition of Mary with several different media. Her presence in my life has opened the door again to connect to the Divine Feminine. For me she is a very familiar representation of the Mother of all things. She is gentle and loving and her being a mother, I suspect her to be strong and protective too. The Mother Mary oracle highlights so many more different aspects of her, which I am very eager to explore.

During my shadow work in October I’ve come to embrace the creative fire of my inner Knight of Wands and this has resulted in picking up a large canvas and painting Mother Mary and her Child. It took me quite some time to finish it because when you create something, fear is always looking over your shoulder…

(inspired by peggy apl seeds) 

The Tower - My House of Cards (updated)

This post is long overdue. I haven’t been writing anything for about two weeks now and I wanted to share with you what the reason is for my absence.  For me my tarot practice was partly a way to express my spirituality, as was meditation and practicing gratitude. But the most important tool for me was tarot as a way for me to access my intuition and to receive guidance of my higher self and/or God(des). As you all know my spiritual path is a spiraling one, with its lows and highs. Sometimes it feels like I am back at square one, only to discover a more in depth truth later on. But now it seems like my entire spiritual belief system has collapsed like a house of cards. It feels like I have been building my beliefs and practices on a unstable fantasy foundation and now the whole Tower came tumbling down on me and left me shattered with nothing but the memory of better times and a lot of debris. It might be possible this brokenness and inner loneliness is just a very big winding of my spiral path. I honestly hope it is, but I doubt it. It feels like I have to rediscover who God is to me all over again. If god is really out there, or just in me, or where ever, or nowhere at all... It would be so easy to just pick myself up and rebuild my Tower but I know that this would be postponing the inevitable: another collapse.

So now I have to make new stones and mortar and build a new strong foundation for the house of my soul. I don’t think it will be a Tower again. I think it will be more solid, a one story spacious house with open doors and windows so the air will remain fresh and it will be inviting for the Light to enter

Please know I am still visiting your blogs and enjoying your posts although I don’t always have something worth while to comment. I hope to be back soon and post my daily draws again or anything else which I would  like to share with you

Hugs

Update: I want to thank you all for your kind and warm comments. It makes me feel so loved and appreciated. Honestly I have hesitated to write this post but now I am ever so glad I did. Writing this and then reading your kind and encouraging comments has made a very deep impression on me.
So thank you all

Tarot and Oracle Decks on my Altar

Lately it seems to be trendy to take the tarot and oracle decks you are currently working with out of their boxes or bags and put them out in the open on your altar or some other kind of sacred space. Preferable with a crystal on top to keep it safe, to charge it, cleanse it and whatnot.  I’ve seen this practice for the first time in a video by Raecine from Owlmoon 513.

I can remember, I was not overly enthusiastic back then, because in my opinion there would be a dust gathering problem and the backs might discolor in the daylight. Over time, on YouTube and on Instagram, I’ve seen others doing the same thing, which is totally okay because that is how we learn from one another. Personally for me, my Tarot and Oracle decks are one of the most important tools of my spiritual practice, so it would be very fitting to have some decks ready to pull from on my altar. Because my altar was in some serious need of dusting and cleaning/cleansing anyway, I thought, why not try to put some decks on there too.

And so I did. On my altar I have now out in the open: the Sacred Rebels oracle deck, The Wildwood Tarot, The Celtic Lenormand and as a trusted old friend; The Original Rider Waite Tarot.

It has been three days now since I’ve made the "altaration" and I absolutely love it. It such a good feeling to be able to pick up your deck and start shuffling it right away. It feels so intimate and very inviting to me. Like in the fairy tale of Mother Holle when the apple tree calls out: "Shake me, shake me, my apples are all ripe,." so is are my decks calling out to me: “shuffle us shuffle us, we have many tales to tell”

Finding some spiritual peace

Today's card is Crown Chakra from the Conscious Spirit Oracle by Kim Dreyer.
The crown chakra is our link to Source energy, to the Divine, to our higher self and even to the celestial hand in the Ace of Cups from yesterday’s post .
When this chakra is fully opened and all its thousand petals are unfolded we can experience pure love and spiritual peace. We finally come to the understanding that One is all and all is One. We can experience the Divine for what it truly is and receive guidance when we need it. Some say we can even reach enlightenment.
As you all know by now, from time to time I have those periods when I doubt about divinity ,how to connect to the divine and a lot of other spiritual questions. Well  lately the same old questions has been on my mind again: Am I on the right path? Who says I am not totally lost without knowing it? Who is God(dess), What does the God of my child hood thinks of my defection?
One moment I find myself praying to a loving deity and the other moment I think I am completely nuts. But this morning just before I drew this card I was singing in the car to God(dess) and suddenly it struck me God(dess) is everything and everywhere and always. It is not about “instead of” but more about “in addition to”. To me God(dess) is every divine energy from every culture or time. So if I want to see God(dess) as a Germanic Deity and the next day as my childhood father in heaven it doesn’t matter, because they all originate from the same Source energy.

Of course this isn't really anything new but for me today it felt like I was the woman in this card, feeling like I had some kind of earth shocking revelation while driving home with all my groceries. Sometimes you just have to review old ideas again to really grasp their meaning

Brat Bride update

I've just hung my Brat Bride in a shrub in our back garden. It felt very special to perform this little ritual. The sky was clear so the moon was visible which added  a little extra touch of magic to it.

M was so kind to take a picture of my Brat Bride with her DSLR camera.

A Brat Bride Tarot spread

On the evening of January 31, the day before the Feast of Brigid, women in Ireland put a piece of cloth  on a shrub or hedge and left it  outside all night. This is the Brat Bride. The piece of cloth symbolized the mantle of Brigid, a Celtic goddess who brings healing and protection.

The dew and perhaps the snow that falls on the night of January 31, is Brigid’s and has healing properties  for body and soul. The cloth was kept throughout the year in a special place and came out when someone was sick as a tangible prayer for healing.

I’ve made my own version of the Brat Bride of a white handkerchief which I decorated with a little clover charm to give it a Celtic touch

I’ve done the following  three card tarot reading  with the Gaian tarot to put my intent into it before putting it outside this evening

1: What is my wish to imbed in my cloth?

The Gardener. What an apt card for this reading  since Brigid is the Goddess of creativity.  The wish I imprint in this cloth is to express my creativity freely and abundantly.

2: In what reoccurring situation, is it beneficial for me to call Brigid for help?

Whenever I feel insecure if I am on the right path, I can call on her for guidance and wisdom

3: How is Brigid’s healing dew offering me help and guidance during the year?

She will teach me to be patient and to see nature as a metaphor of the Divine. Nature is our most precious healer so it will be very beneficial to my health to go outside and find God(dess)

Dedicate the cloth with these words 

(they will transform your reading in a kind of tarot spell/intention):

I dedicate my Brat Bride to Creative Freedom. (name the wish, card 1).

I call on Brigid for help when I feel lost (the situation, card 2).

The healing dew Brigid offers me will help me by developing  patience and reconnecting with nature...... (card 3).

Tonight I will lay down my cloth on a shrub in our garden and be patient……

Source: Berthevan Soest

Shadow work and preparing for Imbolc

The last week of the Solitary Tarot and Oracle challenge is all about shadow work. And to be honest at first I wasn't excited about that at all. As soon as I heard Reacine mentioning the theme of this last week my I burst out  a whole repertoire of excuses: it is not the season to do this kind of exercises, my deck is far to sunny, I know my shadow part already, I don’t want/need to know my shadow parts, first I have to watch YouTube video or read blogs about shadow work etc. All these excuses were born out of fear and anxiety for the unknown.

And then I pulled the Four of Stones which summarized  how I felt perfectly: in the doorway to my path which will lead me to self-awareness is standing a huge heavy chest filled with blocking attitudes and false assumptions of safety. So reluctantly I've started with the last week of my challenge: I am dipping my toes in to shadow work. Since this is all rather too personal to blog about, I thought I’d show you my altar for Imbolc. 

The goddess statue is a thrift store find from last week. When I saw her I immediately knew I had to take her home. I love that she is not overly detailed so I can see in her many aspects of the Goddess. For now she is Bridget to me. Lately I feel very drawn to the creative part of The Divine; to seek inspiration. A few days ago I was trying to write some poetry when I remembered that Brigid is the goddess of fire and inspiration and yes even of poetry. I thought it was fitting she would be my focal point for Imbolc.

Slowly the earth is waking up for Springtime and I feel it is time for me to open myself up to her energy too and allow myself  to be playful and creative. 

Kali - Facing fears

Yesterday I've compared Storm Angel with the Tower and that reminded me of The Tower card from the Chrysalis Tarot which depicts the goddess Kali

She is a Hindu goddess, an aspect of Devi, the Divine Feminine. She is a slayer of Demons (mostly inner ones) and a Goddess of Time and Death. Although she has a frightful appearance she is a loving, protective mother goddess

“She is the goddess of the ending of cycles, the death and transformation energy that lets go of the old and brings in the new. Kali is a loving energy that helps free us of fear, she only destroys that which keeps us in bondage”,

She will help us with: Courage, Determination, Direction, Focus, Motivation, Protection, Tenacity

 I am going to put a depiction of her on my altar as a focal point for the coming time. It is almost Samhain, a time to let go of old and non serving thought patterns. Fear is one of my largest stumbling blocks and is keeping me from the things I really want to do and even to a point  I don’t always know what I really want anymore. I am so good  in avoiding difficult situations

Kali is all about facing our fears and acknowledging them is the first step. I don’t expect to get rid of them right away. She is also goddess of time. It will probably be a spiraling process; each time around I will free myself a bit more. To accept this is a learning process too.

Princess of Cups - a playful approach

This morning I wasn't surprised when the Princess of Cups came up. Here we see a lovely fair-haired young girl; almost a woman, strolling along the shore of the sea or a very large lake. The light of a crescent moon is shining upon her while she is sipping from her cup: Very carefully. Maybe she has secretly picked a goblet of wine from her father's banquet and is now tasting this rich deep red liquid for the first time savoring the taste and the feel of the wine warming her body.

Isn't that exactly what I should do regarding  trying to connect to the Divine in a more intuitive and heartfelt way; to let me be guided by an intuitive yearning. I feel like this card is telling me to go to this inner place of sacredness as a child: experience it as it was the first time with a fresh open mind. Just start over and feel everything while being mindful and alert. Go slowly, step by step and approach this “quest” playfully and creative; wiggle with your toes in the sand, and enjoy every step along the way. 

This morning, I've decluttered and altered my altar. Like the Princess of Cups it is "dressed in white" which is very peaceful and calming for me right now.. The card is from the Enchanted Map Oracle: Slow and steady (very appropriate J)

“If we experienced life through the eyes of a child everything would be magical and extraordinary. Let our curiosity, adventure and wonder of life...never end.”

Akiane Kramarik

PS I will be back on Monday: We have a busy family weekend coming up because M will be celebrating her birthday.

The World, Gaia – Where are You?

Today’s card is Gaia, The World, from the Goddess Tarot. Gaia is the Greek primordial Mother Goddess who existed before everything and created all of life. She is the personification of Earth. Just like for example: Erda ( Norse) and Mut (Egypt). I think every religion has his own version of the Creative Instigator of Life: God, Spirit. Mother, Father or whatever name you have chosen for this Creative Force

Lately is has been somewhat more difficult to open up and feel connected to my God(dess). It feels like I am going through the motions but the feeling isn't quite there  anymore. Then I am reading on different blogs about trusting and feeling connected with God(dess),  angels and/or guides. About knowing they are always there for you and we are not alone. Being a swords person, I know this all too well. But feeling  and trusting these beliefs is something quite different. This is when your intuition and gut feeling come into play and those are not my strongest qualities. I wonder why this is a constant returning issue for me….Perhaps it all comes down on my fear of letting go and losing control. For now I will keep meditating and practice gratitude and “trust” this too shall pass….

Seven of Wands - Boundaries

After our family weekend, the Seven of Wands is coming up repeatedly for me. Today it is the version from the Goddess Tarot by Kris Waldherr. When I look at the picture I instantly feel like I have to brace myself for something. This card is all about being faithful to my own convictions and to stand up for my beliefs. I am the only one who knows deep down what is good for me and I will stay strong and chose my battles wisely.  I am not going to start any argument but I will not give in to manipulative behavior either. It is obvious this is a solitary act of bravery against six other wands but I am rather with myself  than with people who don’t really see me for who I am.

So this card is all about creating boundaries for my emotional balance and as a way to keep “the peace”

When I am writing this the Goddess Durga comes to mind. I haven’t given her much thought lately. Maybe it is a good idea to reconnect with her energy by chanting to her during my meditation and/or to meditate with her seed mantra: Dum

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others".Brene Brown

Mut, Mother of mothers

Today's card is from the Goddess Inspiration Oracle by Kris Waldherr and is called Mut, which literally means “mother”.

When I saw the attribute by which she was honored: Mother of mothers, the first thing that came to mind was this does sound a lot like we are taking about Mary

But this card depicts a much more ancient picture of the feminine Divine. Mut is said to be the origin of the cosmos; of all life. She is the primordial mother goddess of Ancient Egypt and similar to o.a. Erda (Norse) and Gaia (Greek), both earth mothers too.  She was especially revered by pregnant woman and mothers.

I am always a bit in awe when I realize how many men and women  before me have made a connection with the Goddess by whatever name they preferred. I mean Mut was already in the picture in 2500 BC and perhaps even earlier!

The message on the card advises us to mother ourselves. Immediately I think about spoiling myself with lots of chocolate. I guess that’s the little Ellen in me who wants treats and if possibe now! But mothering also means to be firm, encouraging and supportive with a large dose of love.

Today I will be cherished by my loving and supportive inner mother 

Gaia – Off to meet the Empress

Gaia is the Greek personification of the Earth. She is Mother Nature, Mother Earth, and the Great Mother of us all. She is the living consciousness ; the soul of the Earth. Everything physical, everything what grows and blooms, every living creature is part of Her. She is everything and she takes care of her realm in a just, fair and loving way. When you look at the depiction you can see She creates an unbridled wealth and abundance and She loves whatever she creates (the dove in her hands)

Our five senses are the best instruments to get to know Her. Connecting with Her can be a wonderful sensual experience. Smell the flowers, the rain, and fresh baked bread, touch your loved ones, brush your hair, listen to the birds, taste some chocolate and look at your gorgeous reflection in the mirror. And while writing this last sentence I realize I am too much a swords person and am neglecting the physical part of my being. I take my health for granted and spend too much time inside behind my books and my laptop. Especially now, when I'm getting older, it is so important to keep my body strong and healthy. So enough written about Gaia. I am going to take my bike out of the shed and I am off to meet her. J 

Today I will give extra loving attention to my physical body  to restore the balance between body, mind and heart

Green Tara - Start delegating

For today I've drawn Green Tara from the Goddess Guidance Oracle by Doreen Virtue. A familiar deck for most of you and for me my first oracle deck. I've been blogging for about two weeks about tarot now and perhaps I need a small break from it. Sometimes Tarot tend to dig deeper into the soul than I can handle. Maybe that is why I think  I prefer to do my daily draws with various decks rather than with one deck for a whole week.

So let's continue about Green Tara. She is originally a Hindu mother goddess, who has been adopted by Buddhism. Her name means Star. Each of her aspects is depicted in a different color. Green Tara is the one who comes to our aid when we are in need for help. She is the embodiment of compassion. You can see how she has already one leg ready to get up and help us. The caption says: Ask others (including me) to help you, Instead of trying to do everything by yourself”

For me it is, like probable for many of you, very difficult to ask for help. Somehow I always seem to think I should be in greater need for help more before I can ask it.  There is always that nagging feeling of guilt: "Shouldn't I do this myself? I don’t want to bother others". But on the other hand everybody is asking me for help and I almost never refuse. So perhaps today I could ask for some help to make my day a bit easier.

Green Tara is also about reconnecting with your own inner strength by getting the bigger picture of the situation at hand and feeling more, sure about your decisions. In that way she teaches us to help ourselves and find inner peace when there is nobody else around.

Four of Pentacles - feeling safe

For today I've drawn the Four Of Pentacles from The Hidden Realm Tarot. This is the third card in a row I pull form this deck and I rather like the feeling of flow this is giving me.

This Four of Pentacles has a different depiction than we are used to see on this card. No miser, no greediness, but instead a badger guarding her young. They are sleeping safe in the burrow their mother has dug out for them in the earth. The Earth who is a Mother for us all. She has chosen a place nearby the standing stones. Did she feel the energy radiating from these old and special place? Who knows. She is watching her litter carefully for there is nothing more precious in the world to her.

Without a doubt I can most easily identify with  mother Badger but sometimes I yearn for the comforting security her litter is experiencing in their burrow and for somebody who looks after me….

After some precarious times and more to come (dental issues) it is good to pause, rest and re-energize while She is watching over us. 

“I am safe; all is well”