The Tower - My House of Cards (updated)

This post is long overdue. I haven’t been writing anything for about two weeks now and I wanted to share with you what the reason is for my absence.  For me my tarot practice was partly a way to express my spirituality, as was meditation and practicing gratitude. But the most important tool for me was tarot as a way for me to access my intuition and to receive guidance of my higher self and/or God(des). As you all know my spiritual path is a spiraling one, with its lows and highs. Sometimes it feels like I am back at square one, only to discover a more in depth truth later on. But now it seems like my entire spiritual belief system has collapsed like a house of cards. It feels like I have been building my beliefs and practices on a unstable fantasy foundation and now the whole Tower came tumbling down on me and left me shattered with nothing but the memory of better times and a lot of debris. It might be possible this brokenness and inner loneliness is just a very big winding of my spiral path. I honestly hope it is, but I doubt it. It feels like I have to rediscover who God is to me all over again. If god is really out there, or just in me, or where ever, or nowhere at all... It would be so easy to just pick myself up and rebuild my Tower but I know that this would be postponing the inevitable: another collapse.

So now I have to make new stones and mortar and build a new strong foundation for the house of my soul. I don’t think it will be a Tower again. I think it will be more solid, a one story spacious house with open doors and windows so the air will remain fresh and it will be inviting for the Light to enter

Please know I am still visiting your blogs and enjoying your posts although I don’t always have something worth while to comment. I hope to be back soon and post my daily draws again or anything else which I would  like to share with you

Hugs

Update: I want to thank you all for your kind and warm comments. It makes me feel so loved and appreciated. Honestly I have hesitated to write this post but now I am ever so glad I did. Writing this and then reading your kind and encouraging comments has made a very deep impression on me.
So thank you all