Three of Coins and Two of Cups – Carefully moving closer …

I have been working with the Margarete Petersen Tarot for twelve days in a row now and I can’t seem to put it away and pick up another deck for my daily draws. I am utterly captivated by the beautiful artwork and clear and inspiring messages this deck has to offer.

So for today, I drew the Three of Coins. Where the Two of Coins showed us two balancing feet, in this card we only see one. That means one foot has been lifted and is about to be put forward into a new direction; leaving old familiar patterns behind. The card also features the Om sign, which for me resembles a short prayer, said just before this foot will touch the earth. A prayer of trust that this will be the right path to follow.

And where, I wondered, might this path lead me? And I got the Two of Cups: Opening myself up to others and myself on an emotional level. A sense of belonging is essential to all living beings. It feels when I really open up to myself and to God it is so much more easy to open up to others as well. This card is all about giving and receiving and about loving kindness without expectations. Quite a challenge for me but not one I want to shy away from.

I love that this card strongly relates to The Lovers, which is my card for this lunation.

Seven of Swords - Putting it all together

After yesterday’s card, the Seven of Swords seems to invite us to really take a good look at what we believe to be true and to shed some light over contradicting idea’s. This card invites me to write about my spiritual beliefs and how I came to this personal blend of several belief systems.

As you all know I was raised Christian but never felt quite comfortable with the exclusive nature of Christianity. Although I loved God and Jesus, the dogma’s were putting me off immensely.  So starting in adolescence,  I have always been trying to fit in with other kinds of spiritual groups but up until today I have never found one. Buddhism, Wicca, Paganism, they all have beautiful and deep truths but somehow I missed the God of my Childhood and, honestly, there was always the fear of being totally wrong and the impending consequences.

My altar was a beautiful representation of my confusion and my swaying between different beliefs. One day I would have representations of Mary, Jesus and other Christian symbols on my altar but a month later it could have changed into a celebration of nature and the Divine Feminine. When I was totally confused I reduced it to a few crystals and a large white candle.

Then I picked up “Paganism” by River and Joyce Higginbotham which taught me that our idea’s of Divinity are something entirely different then Divinity itself. Words, ideas etc are only limiting our perception of God.

This helped me to overcome the fear to be wrong and after long deliberation, I took a leap of faith and I wholeheartedly embraced God as truly multifaceted. It was such a relief not having to puzzle the pieces together but experiencing how everything blends in seamlessly: my love for Jesus and Mary are in no way contradicting with my reverence for Mother Holda and the  Great Mother. One thing that l really love is that with Jesus, I have a male aspect of God to relate to which was very difficult for me when I was solely focusing on Paganism.

In this card we see the old man desperately trying to fit his seven swords in a structure he can work with. I am now positive he will succeed but only when he is willing to implement some room for mystery and awe because our spirit can take us places where our mind cannot enter.

The Tower - My House of Cards (updated)

This post is long overdue. I haven’t been writing anything for about two weeks now and I wanted to share with you what the reason is for my absence.  For me my tarot practice was partly a way to express my spirituality, as was meditation and practicing gratitude. But the most important tool for me was tarot as a way for me to access my intuition and to receive guidance of my higher self and/or God(des). As you all know my spiritual path is a spiraling one, with its lows and highs. Sometimes it feels like I am back at square one, only to discover a more in depth truth later on. But now it seems like my entire spiritual belief system has collapsed like a house of cards. It feels like I have been building my beliefs and practices on a unstable fantasy foundation and now the whole Tower came tumbling down on me and left me shattered with nothing but the memory of better times and a lot of debris. It might be possible this brokenness and inner loneliness is just a very big winding of my spiral path. I honestly hope it is, but I doubt it. It feels like I have to rediscover who God is to me all over again. If god is really out there, or just in me, or where ever, or nowhere at all... It would be so easy to just pick myself up and rebuild my Tower but I know that this would be postponing the inevitable: another collapse.

So now I have to make new stones and mortar and build a new strong foundation for the house of my soul. I don’t think it will be a Tower again. I think it will be more solid, a one story spacious house with open doors and windows so the air will remain fresh and it will be inviting for the Light to enter

Please know I am still visiting your blogs and enjoying your posts although I don’t always have something worth while to comment. I hope to be back soon and post my daily draws again or anything else which I would  like to share with you

Hugs

Update: I want to thank you all for your kind and warm comments. It makes me feel so loved and appreciated. Honestly I have hesitated to write this post but now I am ever so glad I did. Writing this and then reading your kind and encouraging comments has made a very deep impression on me.
So thank you all

Finding some spiritual peace

Today's card is Crown Chakra from the Conscious Spirit Oracle by Kim Dreyer.
The crown chakra is our link to Source energy, to the Divine, to our higher self and even to the celestial hand in the Ace of Cups from yesterday’s post .
When this chakra is fully opened and all its thousand petals are unfolded we can experience pure love and spiritual peace. We finally come to the understanding that One is all and all is One. We can experience the Divine for what it truly is and receive guidance when we need it. Some say we can even reach enlightenment.
As you all know by now, from time to time I have those periods when I doubt about divinity ,how to connect to the divine and a lot of other spiritual questions. Well  lately the same old questions has been on my mind again: Am I on the right path? Who says I am not totally lost without knowing it? Who is God(dess), What does the God of my child hood thinks of my defection?
One moment I find myself praying to a loving deity and the other moment I think I am completely nuts. But this morning just before I drew this card I was singing in the car to God(dess) and suddenly it struck me God(dess) is everything and everywhere and always. It is not about “instead of” but more about “in addition to”. To me God(dess) is every divine energy from every culture or time. So if I want to see God(dess) as a Germanic Deity and the next day as my childhood father in heaven it doesn’t matter, because they all originate from the same Source energy.

Of course this isn't really anything new but for me today it felt like I was the woman in this card, feeling like I had some kind of earth shocking revelation while driving home with all my groceries. Sometimes you just have to review old ideas again to really grasp their meaning