After yesterday’s card, the Seven of Swords seems to invite us to really take a good look at what we believe to be true and to shed some light over contradicting idea’s. This card invites me to write about my spiritual beliefs and how I came to this personal blend of several belief systems.
As you all know I was raised Christian but never felt quite comfortable with the exclusive nature of Christianity. Although I loved God and Jesus, the dogma’s were putting me off immensely. So starting in adolescence, I have always been trying to fit in with other kinds of spiritual groups but up until today I have never found one. Buddhism, Wicca, Paganism, they all have beautiful and deep truths but somehow I missed the God of my Childhood and, honestly, there was always the fear of being totally wrong and the impending consequences.
My altar was a beautiful representation of my confusion and my swaying between different beliefs. One day I would have representations of Mary, Jesus and other Christian symbols on my altar but a month later it could have changed into a celebration of nature and the Divine Feminine. When I was totally confused I reduced it to a few crystals and a large white candle.
Then I picked up “Paganism” by River and Joyce Higginbotham which taught me that our idea’s of Divinity are something entirely different then Divinity itself. Words, ideas etc are only limiting our perception of God.
This helped me to overcome the fear to be wrong and after long deliberation, I took a leap of faith and I wholeheartedly embraced God as truly multifaceted. It was such a relief not having to puzzle the pieces together but experiencing how everything blends in seamlessly: my love for Jesus and Mary are in no way contradicting with my reverence for Mother Holda and the Great Mother. One thing that l really love is that with Jesus, I have a male aspect of God to relate to which was very difficult for me when I was solely focusing on Paganism.