The Hierophant - I want to be free!

Today’s card is the Hierophant from the Ravens Prophecy Tarot. This card is the worldly, physical manifestation of spirituality, which is for me almost an oxymoron. 

In this version of the Hierophant, we see a candle burning in a lantern. It’s true that the lantern protects the light of the candle, even magnifies it with its glass but even though all these advantages, the light of this candle is contained and has lost its freedom to dance in the wind.

Lately, I find it difficult to relate to any organized form of religion or philosophy or even parts of it. I feel that my main reason to do so in the first place was my fear of being wrong and I perhaps felt there was safety in numbers. With the beginning of this new season, the only thing which feels spiritual to me is Nature itself in all Her abundance and Autumnal decay, the magic I see and feel in all of this, and of course my cards.

I do believe in the Divine, in Spirit, but for now, I experience it more as a loving Energy than as a specific deity.

All this feels fresh, free and playful. Without any tasks or structured practices, I am more “spiritual” than I used to be. There is no more pressure, just listening to myself and finding out what makes me happy and what connects me to Spirit

NB I do recognize the wisdom of all the wonderful teachings we have. I just don’t want to be limited by them anymore or exclude others who think differently.

Seven of Swords - Putting it all together

After yesterday’s card, the Seven of Swords seems to invite us to really take a good look at what we believe to be true and to shed some light over contradicting idea’s. This card invites me to write about my spiritual beliefs and how I came to this personal blend of several belief systems.

As you all know I was raised Christian but never felt quite comfortable with the exclusive nature of Christianity. Although I loved God and Jesus, the dogma’s were putting me off immensely.  So starting in adolescence,  I have always been trying to fit in with other kinds of spiritual groups but up until today I have never found one. Buddhism, Wicca, Paganism, they all have beautiful and deep truths but somehow I missed the God of my Childhood and, honestly, there was always the fear of being totally wrong and the impending consequences.

My altar was a beautiful representation of my confusion and my swaying between different beliefs. One day I would have representations of Mary, Jesus and other Christian symbols on my altar but a month later it could have changed into a celebration of nature and the Divine Feminine. When I was totally confused I reduced it to a few crystals and a large white candle.

Then I picked up “Paganism” by River and Joyce Higginbotham which taught me that our idea’s of Divinity are something entirely different then Divinity itself. Words, ideas etc are only limiting our perception of God.

This helped me to overcome the fear to be wrong and after long deliberation, I took a leap of faith and I wholeheartedly embraced God as truly multifaceted. It was such a relief not having to puzzle the pieces together but experiencing how everything blends in seamlessly: my love for Jesus and Mary are in no way contradicting with my reverence for Mother Holda and the  Great Mother. One thing that l really love is that with Jesus, I have a male aspect of God to relate to which was very difficult for me when I was solely focusing on Paganism.

In this card we see the old man desperately trying to fit his seven swords in a structure he can work with. I am now positive he will succeed but only when he is willing to implement some room for mystery and awe because our spirit can take us places where our mind cannot enter.

Three card spread with the Dreams of Gaia: To move beyond doubt

As usual I wanted to draw one card and share my thoughts about it but when I drew the Seven of Air from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot, I knew I had to add some more cards. This card represent so beautifully what I have been struggling with these last few months. This card is all about belief systems and the different teachings of wise and spiritual people.  

Ever since I was a young girl I wanted to belong to a group of people who shared the same beliefs as I did and I have never came across such a group. I tried to fit in with some of them but it never lasted long.  Gradually I have accepted that what I belief is personal and ever changing. But sometimes I feel the need for some conformation that I am on the right track. Sometimes I even envy the confidence of some religious groups who are “absolutely sure” of their spiritual convictions. This feeling is strongly connected to my word of the year: Trust. Do I trust myself enough to keep following my own path, even though it is leading me along deep chasms filled with doubt and steep mountains covered with insecurity. 

So after pulling this initial card I wanted to know how to deal with these feelings and I pulled Choice, the first card of the deck. This card is asking us to move forward, to make a choice which is fulfilling for both our heart and our mind. There is no way back. The past is gone forever and there is only this little moment in time. If we don’t choose, we are stuck there in a kind of limbo where we can mull over which door to choose so long that we might not even remember why we are stuck there in the first place.

Then I wondered what would happen if I would trust myself enough to follow my intuition, to chose a door, any door and continue to walk my path? The answer to this question is the Ace of Air, the gift of insight and clarity. Some keywords are, belief it or not: unlearn and let go, a new personal ideology, personal truth, new ideas.  So now I realize it doesn’t really matter which door I choose; the gift of The Ace of Air is always within me and I will take it with me wherever I my path will lead me. 

Ehwaz and the Nine of Wands – Don’t let your past define you

Today’s rune is Ehwaz, which means horse and it stands for cooperation and loyalty, as well as for movement and progress or maybe even a combination of the these two aspects. For today I wanted to know how to  get going again after feeling a bit out of sorts due to the extreme heat and humidity here. I want to do so many things but it is so hard to really get anything done. 

To answer to this question I pulled the Nine of Wands. Often I see this guy as a defender and a warrior. Someone who doesn’t give up and will fight for the cause, although he might get hurt or overburdened in the process.  I’ve been there, done that and I’ve learned the hard way this isn’t always a  healthy attitude. I also notice he is turning his wounded head to the eight wands behind him his as if he is defined by his past experiences.  This might cause fear or recklessness or it might even render him immobile. 

The Deviant Moon card is highlighting the incapability to move. This figure is  sitting on the stairs with his head down and he is not even holding his ninth wand. A possible answer to this problem can be found in the Nine of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. In this card we are encouraged to stay in the here and now and  to acknowledge our past experiences but  not to  let ourselves be hindered by them in any way. By telling and retelling our story, our great deeds and challenges, we might color the present moment in ways that will prohibit to enfold our full potential. The Gaian tarot guidebook talks about the benefit of a spiritual practice which of course I fully agree with but which I am not putting into practice lately.

So for today I will begin (again) with a  daily meditation and gratitude practice. And I will not let my previous lack of success to maintain my practice taint this new beginning!

“Each morning we are born again.  What we do today is what matters most.” - Buddha 

Six of Air – Clarity

Today’s card is the Six of Air from the Vision Quest Tarot. Instead of sailing away in a small boat to seek calmer waters  and repose on a distant shore, this card is asking me to stop right here, right now and ask myself: how I am doing? How do I feel? What is on my mind? What does my body tell me? Do I live accordingly to my inner truth? What is my inner truth? etc.  The main question is: Do I live a balanced  and harmonious life or are there one or more aspects which deserve some loving attention from my part.  

Yes, I suppose there are parts of me that feel a bit out of balance. The main issue is my lack of discipline to maintain a spiritual practice and my frustration about it.  This pattern is also applicable to my creative endeavors. It’s funny because going to the gym doesn’t cause me any problems at all. So what to do about it?

The Spiritual Warrior comes to the rescue. It’s funny because I don’t get a warrior vibe from this card at all. I suppose his battle is with his inner demons. He is on a quest for inner peace and balance. He listens to his intuition which tells him which way to go and what to do next. His heart is open for guidance from Spirit. This card teaches me not to plan so much ahead but to take life step by step and to try to be fully aware of where I am right now. Like many of us my day can be very chaotic and busy and filled with distractions and requests for attention. So often my mind is all over the place. Then I feel frustrated because the things I like most are the ones that stay on the back burner. So for today I am going to present with and enjoy what I am doing without worrying if everything I want to do gets done. Tomorrow is another day with new opportunities.

A quest for inner peace will last a  lifetime. 

The Tower - My House of Cards (updated)

This post is long overdue. I haven’t been writing anything for about two weeks now and I wanted to share with you what the reason is for my absence.  For me my tarot practice was partly a way to express my spirituality, as was meditation and practicing gratitude. But the most important tool for me was tarot as a way for me to access my intuition and to receive guidance of my higher self and/or God(des). As you all know my spiritual path is a spiraling one, with its lows and highs. Sometimes it feels like I am back at square one, only to discover a more in depth truth later on. But now it seems like my entire spiritual belief system has collapsed like a house of cards. It feels like I have been building my beliefs and practices on a unstable fantasy foundation and now the whole Tower came tumbling down on me and left me shattered with nothing but the memory of better times and a lot of debris. It might be possible this brokenness and inner loneliness is just a very big winding of my spiral path. I honestly hope it is, but I doubt it. It feels like I have to rediscover who God is to me all over again. If god is really out there, or just in me, or where ever, or nowhere at all... It would be so easy to just pick myself up and rebuild my Tower but I know that this would be postponing the inevitable: another collapse.

So now I have to make new stones and mortar and build a new strong foundation for the house of my soul. I don’t think it will be a Tower again. I think it will be more solid, a one story spacious house with open doors and windows so the air will remain fresh and it will be inviting for the Light to enter

Please know I am still visiting your blogs and enjoying your posts although I don’t always have something worth while to comment. I hope to be back soon and post my daily draws again or anything else which I would  like to share with you

Hugs

Update: I want to thank you all for your kind and warm comments. It makes me feel so loved and appreciated. Honestly I have hesitated to write this post but now I am ever so glad I did. Writing this and then reading your kind and encouraging comments has made a very deep impression on me.
So thank you all