Something different

As some of you already might know, both my girls attended a Waldorf school when they were young. One of the things which attracted us to this school system was their attention for an inviting ambiance and the use of natural materials. 

When my eldest was four she was introduced to the famous Waldorf dolls and wanted one for  herself. Luckily a doll makers course was starting soon after her discovery and there I learned how to make  all kind of different cloth dolls. S was so happy with her "Rapunzel"  and not so long after that M got one for herself too. 

Some years later (in the Fall of 2000) I got the idea to make one for myself. This was the kind of doll I always wanted as a little girl: so soft and pliable. So I made my inner little girl a doll and I named her “Saar” (Sarah). The adult part of me was delighted to have a doll for myself to dress up and I started to make her a wardrobe of her own. This has grown into a hobby of mine which I  amuse myself with off and on. After several months of abandonment I picked her up again, freshened up her face with watercolor pencils and made her a knitted dress with crocheted shoes.

Since I like to write about my crafts on this blog too, I thought it might be fun to share this part of me as well

Oil pastel of Brigid

This year I wanted to celebrate Imbolc by making an oil pastel painting of Brigid, a Celtic fire goddess of poetry, smithcraft and healing. 

Brigid is also sometimes called Mary of Eire. The similarities between Brigid and Mary has been the cause of my renewed interest in her. Both are benevolent protective aspects of the Divine Feminine. Especially Brigid’s aspect of Hearth goddess and her inspirational creative fire are both very appealing to me.

After some more study I’ve discovered that that Brigid was also revered in the southern parts of The Netherlands. Just a few kilometers from my home town, in a small village there is a St. Brigida church with a statue of Saint Brigid. They also have St. Brigida school and a St. Brigida street  You can imagine I’m going to visit that village any time soon now.

By sharing this painting with you I want to wish you all a blessed Imbolc or St Brigid’s day.

Hugs Ellen

Oil Pastel Painting: “full Moon Song”

It's quite obvious, I can’t get enough of my oil pastels. For this painting I’ve used some photo’s which I’ve found online for reference, to be able to draw the wolf and the woman in the right pose. The whole painting is made with shades of grey and blue in order to create a nighttime feel.  So far it has been a great oil pastel adventure…

Mary did you know?

Today I wanted to share with you my first attempt to paint with oil pastels. I was pleasantly surprised by the versatility of this medium. I suppose the subject of my painting doesn’t come as a surprise to you, because lately Mother Mary appears on every drawing or painting I create. I find it so easy to relate to her and in doing so to relate to the Divine Feminine again.

This particular painting is inspired by the song “Mary did you know"

This song tells us about how little Mary knew up front about the future of her baby. In the song the importance of his life is highlighted but it also got me thinking about the hardships she had to endure being his mother. I can't help but wonder...if she would have known, would she have said; “Behold the servant of the Lord”

And that brings me back to my own life:  if I would have known the sorrow and the pain, the struggles and the challenges I would have to endure in this life, would I chose for this life again, say yes to the complete package? 

Truthfully? Yes, yes and thrice yes! Simple because I couldn’t bear to miss out on the love I receive on daily base from my beautiful family!

Wishing you a wonderful New Year filled with Love and Happiness!

Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain

I want to wish you all a beautiful Halloween/Samhain. 

The photo is taken by M and she has also baked these delicious pumpkin cupcakes for us

Hugs!

I won a crystal give away

Some time ago I entered a lovely crystal giveaway on YouTube by Larissa from “Storytelling, Tea an Tarot. I only recently started following her channel after we had met on IG. Larissa is a very gifted writer. When she read her cards, a story wants to be written. If  you watch some of her video’s you will be amazed how beautiful and  evocative she writes. I myself find her approach to tarot very inspiring.

Anyway Larissa had decided it was time to let go of some of her crystals, so they could find a new home.

You can imagine how happy I was when discovered I had won this give away.

Yesterday a big envelope arrived from the US. Yes this lovely crystal family flew all the way across the ocean to my home. I found not only the promised crystals in the envelope but also a organza bag with herbs and a postcard from the desert where she lives. She had written the most caring message on the back of the card. For now they are sitting on my altar and are settling in besides my little goddess statue

I would strongly recommend you to check out her channel and if you are on Instagram she is known as @thebardslament 

A wonderful Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday! No, I am not  going to tell you how old I am. J  M was so kind to take some pictures I could share with you.

Our preparation started on Saturday when M and I had baked our traditional birthday apple crumble pie

 Together my girls surprised me with a  beautiful Carnation bouquet in  a variety of colors. These are my most favorite flowers

 Presents!!!!

I am so happy with each and every one of these gifts:

Of course there were chocolates mmmm. No celebration can do without them. A Kate Spade clip for my planner. A book about the social and cultural changes in our country in the last fifty years which has brought back so many memories. A book about Goddess Holle  and how she has changed from a greatly worshiped Germanic deity in to a fairy tale figure (Mother Holle). She is a goddess I feel very connected to. And not to forget two of my most desired decks : the Wild Unknown Tarot  By Kim Krans and the Celtic Lenormand by Chloe McCracken and Will Worthington

Later in the afternoon my husband came to visit and gifted me some art supplies  He loves to paint himself too so last week we went shopping together in a art supply store.

He bought me a watercolor sketchbook, some water-resistant drawing pens and a tear off palette to use when I paint with acrylics. 

“no gifts for me?”

Al together it was a perfect day.

Healing with the Sacred Rebels Oracle

Yesterday my copy of the “Sacred Rebels Oracle, Guidance for Living a Unique & Authentic Life” by Alana Fairchild and Autumn Sky Morrison arrived in the mail. What a lovely Equinox surprise this was because I hadn't expected it until the end of next week.  I've bought this deck as a get well present for myself. After I did some online research, I've learned that the major themes of this deck are how to live an authentic life, to rediscover your creativity and to reconnect, o.a. through his regained creativity , with the Divine. Al these issues are very applicable to my current situation.

When I opened the box I was in awe.  As always the cards are in real life so much more vibrant than any picture you will find online. There is a great variety in the cards, by color scheme, technique and subjects. Each card has something to teach on how to find lost parts of ourselves and how to find the courage to embrace those parts again. At the end of each card description in the guidebook there is a small section on how to use the card for your healing process. I hadn't expected this but of course I was very pleased with it.

The first card I drew was: Going beyond Normal. We see a priestess like woman radiating a purple halo filled with gears and button and coins. On  her forehead we see a clock which is also the center of the halo. A chain, with a key attached to it, is dangling from her mouth.

To me is it obvious that now the time is right to do something out of the ordinary. To shake things up a little. Of course right away my Ego starts to fill in what I should do. How I should pick up my brushes and start painting again, so the problem is solved and we don´t have to change anything. But that is how I would go about it normally.  And I want to go beyond normal. To find out what I really want to do I have to turn inward; listen to my intuition and find the golden light bulb.

For today it was so simple. Instead of meditating for 15 minutes in my room, I put on my coat and sat outside in our garden, enjoying the flowers, listening to the birds singing and watching the sun peek out from behind the clouds. I let my mind wander and felt how it came to rest  all by itself without effort. And that is beyond normal for me.

My copy of the Gaian tarot has arrived!

Yesterday I've received the Gaian Tarot  in the mail. This is a deck which  was off and on my wish list for years. I already had the Foolsdog app of this deck but in the end  that wasn't  it for me.  

A few weeks ago I decided to finally purchase a physical copy for myself and was deeply disappointed when I learned it (the Llewellyn edition) was out of print. 

There and then I decided to let it go and not obsess about any further.  But a few days ago I found myself searching the net again for this deck and  to my great surprise I found a Dutch Publisher who still had a one copy in stock. Without any delay I made the purchase and now I am ever so glad to have The Gaian tarot in my collection. It is a welcome counterbalance to all the more whimsical decks I have. It reads very intuitively which I like and it has a soft nurturing feel to it. For me it is a grounding deck after having read with the Chrysalis tarot for whole month now.

Today’s card is the Seven of Earth. Well it couldn't be more grounding than this. We see a woman planting a young sapling in the soil of a large forest. She is holding the root ball carefully in her hands and with her smile she is giving the young tree the confidence to grow.

Growing a tree needs patience; a lot of patience just a some of our other projects do. Not always we get the results we want and when we want them. Sometimes we just have to work slow and steadily towards our goal. Often life is not about our pass but more about Nature’s and Spirit’s pass.

When we learn to take pleasure in daily progress and in taking baby steps  then we can be grateful for each new leaf of our sapling, for each millimeter growth in length and or thickness.

Just before I wanted to upload this post I got the feeling this woman was adding her precious new deck to her collection with the intention of growing a solid and deep relationship with it. J

Affirmation: “ I trust that my efforts are growing to fruition in their own good time” J. Colbert

Mixed media collage: Brigid’s Fire

Yesterday I have finished a mixed media collage which shows my interpretation of Brigid, goddess of Fire and Inspiration. Here she is faceless and fiery, caring for her eternal flame with nurturing attention, She inspires me to rekindle my own fire and start creating again.... 

The quote says: "From a small spark comes often a big fire"

Shadow work and preparing for Imbolc

The last week of the Solitary Tarot and Oracle challenge is all about shadow work. And to be honest at first I wasn't excited about that at all. As soon as I heard Reacine mentioning the theme of this last week my I burst out  a whole repertoire of excuses: it is not the season to do this kind of exercises, my deck is far to sunny, I know my shadow part already, I don’t want/need to know my shadow parts, first I have to watch YouTube video or read blogs about shadow work etc. All these excuses were born out of fear and anxiety for the unknown.

And then I pulled the Four of Stones which summarized  how I felt perfectly: in the doorway to my path which will lead me to self-awareness is standing a huge heavy chest filled with blocking attitudes and false assumptions of safety. So reluctantly I've started with the last week of my challenge: I am dipping my toes in to shadow work. Since this is all rather too personal to blog about, I thought I’d show you my altar for Imbolc. 

The goddess statue is a thrift store find from last week. When I saw her I immediately knew I had to take her home. I love that she is not overly detailed so I can see in her many aspects of the Goddess. For now she is Bridget to me. Lately I feel very drawn to the creative part of The Divine; to seek inspiration. A few days ago I was trying to write some poetry when I remembered that Brigid is the goddess of fire and inspiration and yes even of poetry. I thought it was fitting she would be my focal point for Imbolc.

Slowly the earth is waking up for Springtime and I feel it is time for me to open myself up to her energy too and allow myself  to be playful and creative. 

My Thrift Store Haul

For today no daily draw. Yesterday I've been with M to  her new dentist and unlike previous experiences this time everything went so smoothly. She was very happy and she suggested to celebrate  this with a visit to a very  large thrift store in the same neighborhood. We both enjoy to snoop there.

We had a great time and got some amazing finds. Somehow a lot of my purchases are mainly spiritual items from different spiritual traditions: 

I have found a dark wooden standing crucifix and a wooden painted Madonna and Child. Together they are for me a representation of my most earliest belief system which I still hold dear to my heart.

Also I've found a little terracotta statue of Ganesha and a small elephant to go with it. He is for me the Kind Remover of my blockages. Then a dark wooden statue of a female mermaid (in my opinion Yemaya) with big breasts and a bowl filled with seafood in her hands, caught my attention and I couldn't leave her behind.  After that I thought I saw a small statue of an otter which reminded me of the Page of Cups from the Wildwood Tarot. Only when I came home S mentioned it was a seal (oops) but M suggested it could also be a selkie friend for my mermaid sea goddess.  The  Brigid’s Cross (made in Ireland) appealed to me very much. We already have a Brigid’s cross, I've made of wheat hanging, in our hallway and now I can have this one for in my bedroom

Also I've found a gnome with a mushroom head and some acorns in his hands to put up when autumn comes, and two little wooden boxes. One has the shape of an apple which reminded me of our apple tree and last but not least a lovely wooden tray and a tawny altar cloth (also for the Fall)

Immediately after we came home I've grabbed the beeswax and started polishing my wooden finds. Now they shine and smell great! What a perfect afternoon it was! 

My Painting of the Femine

Yesterday I've finished my painting of the Feminine. I was inspired to make this painting by Connie Hozvicka from  Dirty footprints Studio. She promotes an intuitive way of painting called Fearless Painting®

First I will show you a few pictures from the painting process, so keep scrolling for the finished painting. The painting is made with acrylic paint and oil pastel.

Note how I've turned the painting. I originally was going for a landscape with mountains in the shape of a woman. It literally “turned” out differently 

And here she is; my rendition of the Feminine. Now she has a face! And again M has made this beautiful picture with her camera!

Dreamer two - Half-Moon Truce

To be honest I didn't feel like blogging today. Yesterday was our 28th anniversary and today my husband is coming over to celebrate this. A lot of mixed feelings are whirling through my mind but most of all I am determined to make this visit a success. Especially for him and hopefully for all for us. So some of my feelings has to be put on the back burner for today. But when I was playing with my tarot decks just for fun and relaxation, I noticed I kept drawing a version of the two of swords. I thought this was so significant I had to write about it. The first two of swords I did pull this morning was the one from the Tarot of the Sidhe. We see a face in the sky, half black half white.  It is a quarter moon, half full, half darkened. At the bottom of the card a magpie spreads it wings; showing his black and white feathers. Everything points out to a stalemate situation, a temporary balance.

“Now the Mind is split in twain

The glorious whole is seen to wane

And two thoughts must find a path

To bring both peace and conquer wrath”

Emily Carding

This is a very timely card for today. On one hand there is this profound sadness and on the other hand joy and festivity are in place and expected. M and I have made a delicious cake with walnuts and chocolate. This will certainly heighten the mood. For tonight I am going to make my husband’s favorite meal: leek pie, kidney beans and salad. So now I am going to prepare the leek and the dough for the pie and I will put in some extra love as “secret” ingredient. 

My Painting – Reclaiming freedom!

Today I would like to share my painting with you. It is quite different than what you expect from me. Because of that it is rather daunting for me to make this post. But since the process of making this painting has given me so much pleasure and an enormous sense of freedom I  decided to take this last hurdle too.

I've started out with a simple line drawing without thinking beforehand what I wanted to draw. Because the large shapes did remind me of monsters, the last thing I did was drawing the eyes.

From there on it was a playful experience with paint, palette knifes and brushes. Is the painting finished? I don’t know. Perhaps in a few days I will add another layer. Or I might start a new one. Or I'll paint a few simultaneously. Everything goes, everything is allowed! Isn't that amazing! 

(Ps Sorry for so many pictures but otherwise I wasn't able to convey the process properly.)

I've finished knitting my tarot bag

Yesterday I've finished my tarot bag for the Joie de Vivre tarot. It is more like a wrap with a little sleeve for the deck so the cards won’t fall out. I've found this pattern a long time ago online and I don’t know anymore who has designed it. A lot of my decks (tarot and Lenormand) are the proud owners of such a wrap. Most of the time I try to match the yarn with the backs of the deck I am knitting for. Sometimes I even wrap them first in a little scarf or a silk hanky. In that way I always have a little spread cloth at hand.

Since I cannot knit large projects anymore, I love to be able to cloth my “baby’s” in warm and soft outfits J 

Knitting work and Joie de Vivre Tarot

Open bag with tarot deck in the little sleeve

Tarot bag and Joie the Vivre tarot on a  small silk cloth

Tarot bag – Tarot wrap

Our Palm Sunday Rooster Bread

Today is Palm Sunday.  The Christian community celebrates the entry of Christ in Jerusalem. It is an old custom in some regions of the Netherlands for the children to participate  in a procession with a homemade Palm Sunday pole. My daughters have been attending the Waldorf school in their childhood, were this custom also was being kept alive. 

Of course we’re not making the entire pole any more but the rooster on top is so delicious, we kept the baking of this rooster as a  family tradition for Palm Sunday.

An example of  the Palm Sunday pole

Although the church has attached their own interpretation to the symbols of this pole (as they have done with many customs of the our holidays), I’d rather see this as the a version of the May Pole which is a kind of fertility pole. This type of maypole originates from the Germanic custom to carry around a decorated pine with a rooster on top which was the rooster Gullinkambi (Old Norse for Golden Comb) The Rooster is a symbol for the coming of the light which he announces every morning.  The pine was a symbol for Yggdrasil, the world tree.

 The habit of using bread in the shape of an animal dates back to the period in which they no longer sacrificed real wild animals.

After this small dilatation I just wanted to share we had a lot of fun  with the baking and shaping of our rooster. My son in law thought it looked more like a dragon than a rooster but it tasted wonderful J

Apple blossoms and presents

For today no daily draw but instead I wanted to share some pictures of our apple tree, we’ve planted last Autumn and I also wanted to show the presents I’ve got yesterday.

Yesterday was a good day. Like the Page of  Swords, M. and I wanted to clear our heads and we went to a town nearby for some shopping J

We had discovered a beautiful New age shop where we could drool over the crystals, tarot decks, incenses, books etc. M had bought some nice things for herself and the sweetheart had found two perfect gifts for me too:

First she showed me a fragrant piece of wood. It was Palo Santo (Holy Wood). It was a lovely coincidence because yesterday I had seen this wood for the first time in a video from “Between traditions” where Avalon used it for cleansing her reading space. It smells so good. I haven't burned it yet but the wood itself smells lovely too. Then she showed me a bracelet of red garnet chips. I really love this deep red color a lot. I immediately fell in love with it. Its properties are: energy, willpower, passion en self confidence. That sounds a lot like a Queen of Wands bracelet to me. Isn't it strange; I‘ve seen so many beautiful things in that store and I couldn’t decide what to buy and she just picked out the two perfect presents for me

Following are the pictures of our apple tree. Slowly the blossoms have started to bloom. Now it is a coming and going of bees who will hopelfully pollinate them

This is promising for  a good harvest (apple pie! J)

A new deck - The first impressions are so important

In December last year I've written a post where I was praising my most favorite and wonderful tarot deck: the Rider Waite Tarot. In one of my comments I stated I would one day buy myself The Original Rider Waite Tarot and my dear friends that day has come. Yay!!! Yesterday afternoon the postman has delivered this long awaited parcel in my mailbox .

It was so exciting to open it and to feel the cards. There is something about touching and looking at your deck for the first time. (like opening and starting to read a brand new book) The smell of the cards, the silky feel of the lamination. The crisp white borders. Fanning them out and noticing  how the patterns on the back are merging together. The following step is flipping through the deck: one by one you meet your cards. Gently, almost unnoticeable, every card is giving you a first impression. Then the time is right to shuffle your deck. Not rough, but oh so carefully,  piling them up in seven or nine stacks and putting the deck together again.

And then we start talking……..

Okay back to reality. This deck is everything I hoped for. I love the sturdiness of the cards, the lilies and roses on the back and the muted color tones and the soft minty greens. When you place them in a spread, the cards blend together in one beautiful narrative picture. 

OMG, I think I'm in love. This could be the beginning of a long and steady relationship J

My Morgan Greer Tarot has arrived!

A week ago I've ordered this deck from Book Depository and I didn't expect it until next week, so I was pleasantly surprised to have found it in my mailbox  yesterday; like a Imbolc gift for myself.

Morgan Greer Tarot

 Now I have this deck I cannot imagine why I've never felt the urge before to buy it. The cardstock is smooth and of good quality  and it shuffles like a charm. But most important are of course the magnificent vibrant colors of the borderless cards. The color palette transports you immediately back to the seventies Perhaps it is funny to say but they make me feel young. Listening to music from those days can also provoke feelings like that.

The imagery is mostly Rider Waite based but it is like the camera has zoomed in, so you are very up close to the characters, which gives this deck an intimate feel. I expect it will read particularly good with larger spreads because you can easily get an overview of the situation thanks to the clarity of the images of this deck.

I am looking forward to read with it. Tonight I will “officially” use it for the first time for my Imbolc reading (Of course I've played with it and tried it out already. But then who wouldn't? J)