The High Priestess – Uncovering and facing fears

Today’s card is The High Priestess from the Deviant Moon Tarot. I don’t pull her often. The last time was March 2016 and the time before was December 2014. But today she is here in a more grounded version of herself. The bare feet and the checkered floor both indicate to me that she is not at all an airy-fairy kind of Priestess but more the kind of woman who has gained her wisdom through the trials of her life. She guards her wisdom well and is not eager to share it with just anybody who comes along. Besides being known for her well-guarded wisdom she is also the keeper of secrets and she inspires us to tap into our intuition because facts and logic can only bring us so far.

In many ways, she reminds me of the Queen of Swords. Perhaps because her face isn’t as gentle as we are used to seeing in depictions of the High Priestess. She looks stricter and more aloof to me than others versions of this archetype

So why has she decided to come along today after being absent for so long? I feel she has guided me today to face one of my hidden and deep tucked away fears. After too many years, I have dug it up dealt with it and in the end, it wasn’t that scary and emotional as thought it would be. Facing these kinds of issues instead of avoiding them, releases energy which can be redirected into something fresh and new. 

After all of this, she looks so much softer and gentle than I thought she was. I hope she will pay me a visit more often.

Eight of Swords - I am my own worst enemy

My life feels often quite overwhelming lately.  Perhaps because stuff is always happening beyond my control or it might be caused by the fact I am gradually trying to get off my sleeping medication which is mainly a “Stop worrying at night pill”

So for today, I have asked my cards how to simplify my life and I got, please don’t laugh, the Eight of Swords from the Raven's Prophecy Tarot. I didn’t see that one coming. This card is all about getting trapped by our own beliefs, our need to control and our self-doubt. This card is about being our own worst enemy. Look how the right hand is holding the left and causing us to be the victim and the attacker at the same time. The Eight of Swords tells me that maybe my life isn’t that overwhelming but that my thoughts about it are creating a more or less distorted vision of it; seeing problems and obstacles which aren’t there yet and probably will never be there either. It is hard to recognize the obsessive worrying and making up scenarios with the worst outcomes, after such a long time but it is good to know my cards are here to encourage me to stop this self-defeating behavior. Perhaps it is time to start meditating again and to practice living in the here and now, which is always perfect, simple and easy to manage. 

Judgment – Who am I….

Today's card is Judgment from the Ravens Prophecy Tarot. The first thing that came to mind was: “who am I to judge?”  Judging other people is such an easy thing to do. Even without actually knowing them, we offer our judgment, asked for or not. As long as we get it off our chest

The book reminds me of the book of “Sinterklaas” (list of Santa) where everything you have done in life is written down, the good and the bad. The crown, I don’t know who fits it or who is worthy to wear it. Santa, I don’t think so. Maybe be God but then we have to ask ourselves which God. I hope not the one from the fundamentalist churches because that would en be a good thing for a lot of us.

What about Karma? No crown, no book, just the law of cause and effect.  That sounds a whole lot better than judgment.

In the meantime let’s try to be nice to one another and keep our judgment to ourselves: In real life and online.

Three of Coins – Tending to your roses

Today’s card is the Three of Coins from the Raven's Prophecy Tarot. Three roses, although yet partially open, are bound to come into full bloom. As long as we keep caring for them, they will reach their full potential and our hard work will be rewarded. This is what we all hope for when we begin a creative project. But even though we put in all our effort, so many things, often beyond our control can go wrong.  It is then that we are truly tested. Do we give up or do we work even harder to try to get rid of the infestations and diseases roses are so susceptible for? When we are not that experienced in tending to our roses, we’d better ask for help from somebody who is. After all, the three of Coins is also a card of teamwork.

For me, the three lights above the roses, symbolize trust and even the confidence that these roses will bloom one day because without it we wouldn’t be able to do all this hard work and to keep going when things get more difficult. Yes, despite setbacks and challenges, these lights will help us to bring our project to fruition. 

New Moon in October

For this new moon, I have pulled one card from the Raven’s Prophecy Tarot as to what energy I should embrace during this next cycle of the Moon and I got The World.

After having pulled the Six of wands, the card of victory and celebration, for the two previous new moons, this card seems to encourage me to continue on this journey of well being and fulfilment

In this version of The World, we see a road with one intersection, heading towards the mountains in the distance.  For me, this symbolizes that even though we sometimes appear to have lost our path, it is always right in front of us. No need to retrace our steps or to take a turn to the left or right because going forward is the only way for us to live: Step by step, minute by minute.  Besides experiencing our life’s journey as linear, we also appear to journey in spirals: Every new cycle we start at the next winding of our spiralling path, always forward always changing; jumping from The World into the Fool’s position over and over again

The World card invites us to become aware of our accomplishments in life: not only of our successfully finished projects but also of the inner transformations we have gone through over the years. It is asking us to consider where we have come from and how we got here. Looking back, we might discover that the most difficult and challenging experiences probably have brought us the deepest feeling of fulfilment and belonging.

The first ten days of this lunation I will still be busy with my shadow work challenges, which have already brought up a lot of demanding issues. Of course, these issues do not entirely consist of darkness so I will be trying to also excavate the gifts and treasures hidden beneath the surface of these issues and give them the attention they deserve.

Also, I want to ponder about what my intentions are for my future journey: what needs to change and what is making me feel utterly content right now?

Perfect questions for journaling or just for sitting in my chair, listening to the wind in trees… and letting my mind whirl along with the dancing leaves

The Moon – Dealing with shadows

Today’s card is The Moon from the Raven’s Prophecy Tarot. It appears that the raven is holding the moon in his beak but we all know this is only an illusion. At night in the silvery moonlight, everything seems to look different. Shadows could easily be monsters lurking behind a tree. The sound of falling acorns will startle us more at night than during the day when the sun illuminates our life with certainty and purpose. But at night is it easy to get lost in the dark; to take the wrong turn at the crossroads and to become scared and uncertain but it can also bring you unexpected sometimes magical discoveries…

October is traditionally the month of shadow-work challenges on IG and this year I am participating for the third time with #shadowworkoctober by @mnomquah.  Although it isn’t easy, I am proud to say I have been keeping up so far. Issues which I hadn’t expected are coming to the surface. And others which I was ready to deal with once and for all, seem to stay hidden this year. This is one of the reasons I like to use Tarot for the exploration of my shadow because you can’t decide up front what is going to happen during the process. For me, shadow work with Tarot is a leap of faith into the dark abyss of my soul. Yes, Tarot is making shadow work so much more exciting and sometimes even scary but always surprising and rewarding.  

The Magician –Get your hands dirty

Today’s card is the Magician from the Ravens Prophecy Tarot.  Personally, for me, this is often a challenging card because it signifies the necessity to get off my bump and do something.  These days we are all about intention and manifesting: Large amounts of books are filled with how to manifest a perfect happy abundant life including our soul mate and a few but very intimate and caring friends. I wonder why all of us haven’t yet manifested this kind of life already. I think because the real magic isn’t in the spells, the words, or the intention but more so in the work afterwards. I mean if I had done a spell this morning for a clean house it might have raised my energy and motivation to clean but I still had to pick up the vacuum cleaner afterwards and do the work myself.

So are we ready to come into action, to leave our comfort zone and to shake up our not so perfect but rather safe little lives? Are we willing to takes the risks which are involved? We know who and where we are right now.  Is our need to change bigger than our fear of change? All these questions made me wish I had pulled another card. Monday morning isn’t the best Magician day for me, although I wish I had a magic wand to do my household chores today…

Barmbrack – Sweetness and Synergy

Today’s card is “Barmbrack – Sweetness and Synergy” from the Halloween Oracle. What a lovely cozy card this is. The barmbrack loaf has just come out of the oven and it smells so delicious. Also, the lit Jack-o'-lanterns are adding their sweet smell of slightly roasted pumpkin to the lovely fragrance of freshly baked bread. A barmbrack is an Irish sweet bread filled with raisins.  It is also called a bairín breac - a speckled loaf (due to the raisins in it)
“The Halloween Brack traditionally contained various objects baked into the bread and was used as a sort of fortune-telling game. In the barmbrack were: a pea, a stick, a piece of cloth, a small coin and a ring. Each item, when received in the slice, was supposed to carry a meaning to the person concerned: the pea, the person would not marry that year; the stick, would have an unhappy marriage or continually be in disputes; the cloth or rag, would have bad luck or be poor; the coin, would enjoy good fortune or be rich; and the ring, would be wed within the year.” Wikipedia
Although the fortune telling part of this bread is quite an interesting fact, today I want to focus on the magic of baking bread. When we gather all ingredients for baking bread, it doesn’t  seem as they have much to offer us by themselves but when we put them all together in a bowl and mix them thoroughly the dough comes to life even after beating it up again harshly, it will rise again. And then after we have baked it in the oven all the ingredients have come together and created something so utterly delicious, it is almost unimaginable.

Yes, a loaf of bread is a beautiful example of Aristotle's phrase: “the whole is more than the sum of its parts”.

Graveyard – Unnecessary Fear

Today’s card is “Graveyard” from the Halloween Oracle. There is something about graveyards at night which makes the hairs on our neck stand up. An unspeakable fear creeps up on us, mostly caused the countless ghost and horror stories we have been hearing throughout our lives.

Logically speaking there is no need to be afraid of the resting places of the dead. It is just our mind who likes to tell us differently. The Graveyard card reminds me of everything I have put to rest: old projects, withered relationships, lost jobs and neighbourhoods, secrets and regrets and so much more. As long as I haven’t buried them properly, they sometimes still try to haunt me but when I am sure I’ve closed the lid of the coffin and filled the grave with dirt and the occasional flower, my mind will be at peace again and what I have buried will decompose and make the burial ground even more fertile than it was before.

The Three of Earth elaborates a bit more on this subject. Here we see someone planting his seeds in the fertile ground of our graveyard. He has to sacrifice his acorns in order for a tall Oak tree to grow there. Without death, there is no life. And so we come full circle. No, death shouldn’t frighten us but rather make us curious about what comes next.  What does life still has in store for us? Yes instead of letting ourselves being haunted by the past we’d better sow our seeds for a promising future

Zombie – Control is an illusion

Today’s card is “Zombie – Control” from the Halloween Oracle. On a moonlit night, a dead body comes to life. His hand is already above ground.  He is not emerging from his grave by his own free will. No, he is summoned by some kind of sorcerer to do his bidding.  A small fragment of a living soul has been put into this body for a specific cause.

This card is asking us how much we are in control of our own life.  Are we living the life we want or are we buried beneath the demands and expectation of others? And in return, how much are we, ourselves in need of controlling the lives of others. Or are we capable of letting them walk their own path, only to help when asked? I think every form of control stems from fear, one of our four basic emotions. Letting ourselves being controlled by others might be caused by a fear of taking responsibility and accepting that change is a vital part of life. And change often hurts…

Controlling others, on the other hand, could stem from a fear that if we don’t interfere, things are bound to go sideways. We know best, so everybody should do as we would do in a given situation.

When we are busy controlling and letting ourselves being controlled, life passes by and we loose fragments of our soul by shying away from a more authentic life, filled patience trust and love.

Today, thirteen years ago, my life changed dramatically and I learned that control is indeed an illusion…

Night Song – Here goes nothing

Yesterday evening I pulled Nightsong – Hidden Talents from the Halloween Oracle and this morning I decided I wanted to write about this card instead of pulling another one. We see a beautiful red colored bird sitting on a branch at night just before he is going to burst into song. Because it is quite rare for birds to sing at night, it was often seen as a bad omen.  But for the more positive minded people, it could be a sign of good fortune too. A bird singing at night could also be considered to be “able to direct us towards discovering our talents and true purpose – a kind of guide in the darkness leading us to the dawn.”

This got me thinking about my own hidden talents and I couldn’t come up with anything. Of course, I know I can draw and write but that’s nothing new. This card is about the hidden talents. Then I thought:  “Let’s draw some more cards about it” and I drew three cards for three talents. (Perhaps a bit presumptuous?) The cards were quite positive but still, it didn’t feel right and I went to bed and stopped thinking about it. This morning when I saw the Nightsong card again, little by little it dawned on me because now I realize you cannot go searching for hidden talents or draw cards to reveal them.  No, you have to do the work or better said you have to start playing with the mindset of “Here goes nothing”, just like when we were children.  If I had never picked up crayons and paper when I was a child, I would have never have discovered I had a talent for drawing and painting. Somehow along the way, a lot of us have lost the open-mindedness of a child to try out new things without expectations. And now, as adults we seem to walk in darkness, frantically searching for our authentic self. Perhaps if we would try to relax and enjoy playing and experimenting more, then who knows what treasures we might find, hidden in some dark unexplored corner of our soul.

Lord of Grails - What’s with the head?

Today’s card is the Lord of Grails (Cups) from the Vampyres Tarot. My first impression is a feeling of aversion and perhaps even a touch of fear. Not so much due to the decapitated Medusa-like head but more so by the dark spot where his face should be. Perhaps it is merely the shade of his helmet but it feels like he is some kind of headless rider. O my, then it occurs to me; perhaps it is his own head he is holding in his hand. According to the guidebook, it is supposed to symbolize his power over his lower instincts and it helps him to counter any emotional threat made against him.

I don’t get this card at all. It makes me feel uncomfortable and the keywords from the guidebook for this dreadful card like visionary, spiritual, paternal, graceful, don’t make it any easier. They don’t seem to fit this card in any way. This experience doesn’t help to create some kind of relationship with this deck at all.

So for today, I will put this card away because it seems this one goes way over my head.

Daughter of Grails – Are your dreams worth following?

Today’s card is the Daughter of Grails (Cups) from the Tarot of Vampyres. A beautiful young vampire is sitting on a rock with her feet in the water. She has drunk from a grail filled with blood and has sated her thirst, for now… but is obvious she want more. She is not yet completely satisfied. She reminds me of a teenager who wants to experience everything in life and if possible right now!

There is a longing in her eyes to get off that rock, dive in her emotional waters and swim towards the light spot in the background. But she hesitates. Why? Perhaps she is scared, or maybe she enjoys the yearning more than the actual fulfilment of her dreams because when dreams come true they might not be as glamorous as we hoped they would be. Dreams are gossamer stories, while real life is often more heavy and solid and not always so easy to fantasize about.

Although fantasizing and dreaming of whatever makes us happy is perfectly okay, it feels to me that this card is warning us not to dwell in our dreamscapes for too long. This can make us dissatisfied with the life we have in the here and now.  Dreaming as a first stage of planting seeds and changing our life is much more rewarding than dreaming about a more exciting and fulfilling life in general. The first sets things in motion. The latter fills us with discontent and imprisons us.

So for today, I will be mindful of my dreams and fantasies: are they uplifting and focused on bringing about positive change or are they born out of discontent and frustration…

Eight of Grails – Facing our despair

Today’s card is the Eight of Grails from the Tarot of Vampyres.  This is a card of inevitable endings; of leaving the murky waters of stagnant and even sometimes venomous emotions and feelings. 

The vampire lord is wading through the foggy swamps of his unconscious, still unable to fathom how he could lose his way entirely. He knows he has to get out of here but isn’t entirely sure which way to go. Luckily he still has some time to get his bearings because he is wearing a mask which will protect him for a while longer from the poisonous gasses.

I think we all have been in this kind of situation. Often it seems that the most difficult part is to decide enough is enough and something has to change. We need to save ourselves or we need to reach out to someone who will help us.

But in my experience, something has to happen before we can make this decision. When we are in an emotional crisis we tend to run away from everything which triggers our feelings of despair. We keep busy, distracted, and we numb ourselves. Everything goes as long as we don’t have to feel what is crying out to us just beneath the surface of our consciousness. To hear this, and acknowledge there is something troubling us very deeply, we have to become silent, journey inwards and face our feelings, how sad and painful they may be. Only then we can start making a change towards the nine of Grails: a place where our wishes will come true again. Then we will be able to find joy and happiness and follow that soft voice of our intuition. Yes, then we are moving forward again. 

Daughter of Scepters – Never too old

Today’s card is the Daughter of Scepters (Wands) from the Tarot of Vampyres. Some of the keywords I can easily relate to today are enthusiasm, excitement, curiosity, willpower and optimism. Others like: beguiling, bewitching delightful fanciful and exotic feel less suitable for me. Each Fall I pull this deck from the shelf hoping almost desperately to vibe with it. The guidebook is amazing. I love the artwork but somehow this deck and I won’t hit it off as I hoped we would.

Back to the card of today: It is October 1^st and I feel even more energized and alive than last month. M and I went to visit my husband and instead of taking the afternoon “off” we have been working in our garden, I have baked a loaf of bread and I have posted my first pictures of both my IG challenges for this month. And now I’m even writing a little blog post. All very much like the Daughter of Scepters.

Then I thought well this is it for today but still, there was something nagging me. There is a little voice that says I am too old for this deck because old ladies aren’t bewitching, enticing and delightful and I could never identify with the beautiful characters in the cards. Yet then again I wonder, why not? Who is that voice inside of me? Who determines if I am all those things or not? I may not look like the Daughter of Scepters anymore but maybe I can be a little more like her if I let myself. This young woman is still apart of me. It all has to do with how we feel about ourselves. The amount of self-esteem we have and whether or not we feel free to express ourselves instead of hiding in the shadows of our day to day life.

Lots to think about. Perhaps I will try my new lipstick on tomorrow.