Page of Bows – Stoat: Jump!

Today’s card is the Page of Bows –Stoat from the Wildwood tarot. A perfect card to lift up my spirit after yesterday’s post. This card is the equivalent of the Page of Wands from the RWS deck. Its youthful playful energy includes a.o: creativity, willfulness, impulsiveness and curiosity and since this animal is a predator, I would like to add fierceness as well.

Look at him standing on his rock, one paw lifted, ears pricked up, and the point of his tail is slightly curved. His whole demeanor radiates excitement before action. Maybe that's what this Page is all about for today:  To find something which excites me, makes me curious and then jump in fearlessly. Just do it and make the best of it. I can’t imagine a stoat refusing to jump of his rock because he is afraid to hurt his paw. He just jumps because he know he has to and he deals with the consequences in the next moment. No, I don’t suggest we should live recklessly but a little less planning and thinking ahead might result in a lot more fun and enjoyment. The fear of making mistakes is more than often depriving us of joyful living

So for today I say to myself: let’s jump of that rock and finish my latest art journal page. Whether or not I am content with the final result, I am sure I will enjoy myself a lot while playing with my art supplies! 

New Moon in February

For this new moon I’ve pulled  one card from the Wildwood Tarot as to what  energy  I should embrace  during the time until the Full Moon in March. I got the Seven of Vessels – Mourning. Perhaps you can imagine my initial reaction to this card. My first thoughts were: how could this be a focal point right now, when I am so trying to find some emotional balance again? But then I knew: We are often talking about releasing and letting go to make room for the new but we tend to forget the work we have to do prior of letting go. Mourning is hard work and calls for a great deal of effort and endurance. It is only through mourning we can become soft and fluid again because when we hold on to grief, often without knowing, we tighten, both mentally and physically. We hold on to our sadness, our loss, in our stomach, our muscles and we bury it deep in the shadow of our soul. This way it can fester and eventually make us depressed. We can’t escape mourning so we’d better get to it.

Usually we are better at mourning our greater losses, the ones we can’t hide away: the death of loved ones, losing a great love etc. We often mourn these losses in the circle of our family and friends. But this card also encourage us to look at the smaller losses, the seemingly insignificant ones.

What immediately came to mind, when I saw this card is how I never have acknowledged my sadness over the loss of my ability to play the piano. I have had piano lessons for more than seven years and it gave me such joy to play this instrument. But due to my nerve damage in my hand I won’t  be able play again. It hurts too much.  Just as we have to be grateful for achieving “small victories” I believe it can be very healing to recognize what we have lost along the way and to say our goodbyes; perhaps with a little ritual, while being grateful for the good memories which we will always keep close to our heart.  

“This will allow our emotions to flow again; to rise and fall naturally and  bring a sense of closure, completion and peace” (guidebook)

Berkano and Four of Vessels - Get up and get going!

Today´s rune is Berkano (Birch). It is the rune of creative energie and the femine principle: The Empress of the Elder Futhark. The challenge of Berkano is to take care better of ourselves and to try to improve our  well-being; not only physically but also emotionally. Besides being a strong nurturing energy, Berkano also encourages us to give birth to our creative ideas. We can only gestate them for so long before they wither and die within us, which will cause us maybe more pain than the birthing process itself.

So what energy will help me to embrace the spirit of Berkano today? From the Wildwood Tarot I pulled: Four of Vessels- Boredom. Well this is a crystal clear advice. The only thing I have to do is to get up and to leave this energy devouring state of inactivity. 

While the traditional Four of Cups sometimes might be interpreted as meditation, nobody will belief this applies to the woman in the Four of Vessels. She obviously feels disconnected, stuck, sorry for herself, and she has created a black hole of despair inside of her. But holes can be filled,  if we only let the energy flow again. The only one who can begin this process is us. We have to ignite  that first spark. We have the key to open doors to new opportunities. So let’s get up,  turn around and step through the portal behind us. It may be scary but we already have everything we need to take this next step in our journey.

NB Perhaps this portal connects to the one from in the Yew tree of my previous post?

Eihwaz and The Knight of Bows

Today’s rune is Eihwaz (Yew). The Yew tree is an evergreen and will easily reach 600 years of age or more. It is a tree which often splits under the weight of advanced growth without succumbing to disease . It is easy to imagine that such a split could be a portal to the spirit realm. Eihwaz  is the rune of death and transformation, of standing at the crossroads.  I can relate to this rune very easily. Something has to change in order to move forward. Old victim stories, which are repeated over and over again, should be retold as heroic tales of overcoming great adversity. Letting go of old limiting thought patterns will make room for new ways of understanding.

So which energy will help me to bring about some change  in my life and I pulled the Knight of Bows from the Wildwood Tarot. The Knight of Wands in general  has a tendency to come up whenever I expect him the least. He is often a bit “too much in my face” when I am feeling down but he is also the one who gets his way with a nudge,  a smile and a motivating line. “Come on”, he says, “let’s make some fun! Don’t be such a party pooper and go on an adventure with me. I know the best places to go to.”

His charms are alluring and I can imagine myself wandering into the forest with him, without being afraid to go astray because he is walking right beside me. I am Feeling fearless and curious, enjoying each moment with an open mind, taking in the fragrant wisdom of the Wildwood, while putting my faith and trust in my red furred companion.

Sowilo and Six of Wands – Be mindful of every victory you achieve

Today’s rune is Sowilo (Sun). This is the rune of success, vitality, self-actualization and positive energy. A very welcome reminder for me to get out of my comfy chair and do something, anything, to get out of the slump in which I am finding myself lately. I am the only one who can take back the wheel and start the ignition to continue my journey. I know how it works; I have been in a situation like this more than I care for but somehow when I am stuck in a rut, I seem to have forgotten how to climb out of it.

So I asked what could help me to achieve this and I got the Six of Wands from the  Anna K Tarot. Not my most favorite depiction of the this card but it will do for today! I feel this card has come up to remind me that it is not about the final big victory, the “I am feeling and victorious every day of my life now”. No, today this card reminds me of the smaller, seemingly insignificant victories. When you are feeling depressed this could be as simple as getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, taking a stroll, reading a few pages in a novel, making dinner etc. These are some of the most basic activities of  our life but some days, we may count them among our victories and celebrate them and  be grateful we have achieved them; again.

So today I am going to be mindful of my achievements, how small  they may be and celebrate each and every one of them with a feeling  of joyful satisfaction.

Uruz and Nine of Swords – About an Ox and a Demon

Today’s rune is Uruz, (Aurochs, the European wild Ox) the rune of strength, courage and endurance. I must be using up  a lot of my strength, because I feel rather tired lately.  So I asked The Anna K tarot what it is that sucks up my energy so easily and I got  the Nine of Swords. It can’t get any more clear than this. I think mental fatigue is a form of exhaustion which is hard to replenish and a good night sleep (which in this case is hard to come by) is often not enough. We all know how tired we can be after a day's’ work in the garden but we also know the deep fulfillment we feel when the is job is done. Yes, maybe some aching muscles will remind us of our work but our energy will be restored at night. With this card the problem lies elsewhere. The continuous churning of the mind over everything which keeps us awake is consuming all of our energy. Often the nine swords represent anxiety, grief, regret, guilt and other demons who might keep us awake at night and prevent us from moving forward in life. And here comes Uruz into play. Even in dire situations like this we have to lift up our head and face each and every demon that haunts us. Naming them is the first step, then follows acknowledgement of the fact we are haunted by them, And then the most difficult part is not to fight them, which only makes them stronger, but to befriend them, get to know them and  find out what keeps them here. and eventually we will be able to set them free which will most certainly boost our energy levels. This kind of work needs a courageous mind and spiritual warrior attitude.  Yes, it is tiring and there is nothing to show for when the day is done. But in the end we will sleep better for it.

Queen of Rods – I've got your back

Today’s card is the Queen of Rods from the Anna K Tarot.  She is the Sun incarnated. It is such a vibrant yellow card. This queen is self-confident and  self determined. She is all about making the most out of her life. Freedom to pursue her dreams and creativity is most important for her. Don’t cage her, don’t  hinder her, because then you will meet a whole other, not so pleasant part of her. Usually this queen is depicted with a cat so I tend to relate her to the goddess Freya or Bast. Both are fiery passionate solar goddesses.

As you might understand, I am thirsting for some passion and creativity in my life, which currently is still hard to find for me. So the encouragement of this card is very welcome today. I don’t  feel pushed or reprimanded by her. It feels more like she is coming to reassure me that she is still out there and that she hasn’t abandoned me.  It is almost as if she is saying: “He, it’s cool I've got your back. Don’t fret about anything. Just enjoy the first signs of Spring and try to soak up some sunshine today.”

Three of Pentacles and Ace of Wands – A gentle kick in the butt

As you all know, I haven’t been feeling so well lately. Also I have been considering to take a short hiatus from blogging and social media all together.  Some days it feels like I am just going through the motions and ticking of my daily boxes.  The last two days I have been pampering myself and it felt really good: listening to music, reading books, drinking coffee, nibbling on biscuits, taking long showers and so forth. But  even pampering gets boring, although I am still not there yet. So  I asked my cards for advice on where to go from here. 

The Three of Pentacles came up: Creativity shared with friends. No Hermit or Four of Swords, which are my go-to cards in a situation like this. The other card which came up was the Ace of Wands: A budding wand, filled with so much potential. But be careful not to nip all these juicy ideas in the bud. Choose one and cherish is like a new born child.  

So here I am again with another blog post thanks to my “cardboard therapist” and it actually feels good to write this; sharing how it is right now and not pretending to be something I am not. Feeling like this often fills me with shame and/or guilt, because how can I permit myself these feelings when so many live in much more dire circumstances than I do. But it is what it is and I know from experience I will get better, probable sooner than later, because I’ve learned to recognize the signs early on.

Feeling like this confronts me with difficult lesson in self love. It is so easy  to love and  embrace who we are when all is well and life is on the upside but this lesson is about the hardest part: loving ourselves when we are faced with parts of ourselves we don’t like at all and are often embarrassed about.

 “I will be gentle with myself and I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go” Karin Drucker

Nine of Cups - Time to do the dishes

Today’s card is the Nine of Cups from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. This is also my card for 2017, so when it comes up in a daily draw it feel especially significant. This is the traditional wish card but instead of filling my mind with unfulfilled wishes, it rather filled it with doubts and questions.  At first I thought, I have everything I ever wanted and I have nothing left to wish for, so I must be utterly content with my life as it is right now but honestly that’s not entirely true. This card is all about fulfilled dreams and wishes but the man in the card doesn’t even look them. That made me wonder if for having a emotional fulfilled life it is necessary to call to mind our past dreams and achievements?  And even more, do out past dreams and wishes still still hold true for today? Or is it possible they can even be an obstruction to pursue new goals and dreams?

So many questions, so much uncertainty. As you might have expected I am a little out of sorts lately. Not knowing what I want, wish or dream of, or what to belief in anymore.  Always when I am feeling like this I tend to turn around and look at my nine cups to remember what used to make me happy and satisfied. But today I wondered, what if I would stand up, pick up my cups and do the dishes. Then I will have nine clean cups to fill up with loads of beautiful new experiences and fragrant wishes. Yes it was a nice party but now the guests are gone it and it is time to clean my house. Today is a new day with lots of possibilities to feel happy and content about.

Details, details…..

Today’s card is “ Details, details”  from the Enchanted Map Oracle cards. As is to be expected, the depiction is very detailed too. We see a tiny mouse with a magician’s head sitting on a looking glass. He is searching for “clarity” and “important notes” In the background many stars brighten  the study room. I wonder if he notices them...A compass is situated in the foreground.

It feels to me like the assignment of this card is to find a balance between paying attention to the details and not to get lost between them.  It is so easy to keep searching for more convincing reasons to stay where we are or to travel to the next phase in our life. Often searching for more reassuring details and is keeping us from experiencing life as it is presenting itself to us. It is often more tempting to keep searching for clarity in the books or on the internet than to take a walk outside, enjoy a sunny day and breath in nature’s wordless wisdom.

Five of Pentacles - Poor me!

Today’s card is the Five of Pentacles from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. This is the card of lack and poverty in whatever way we can imagine: Physical health, time, money, housing, stuff (more tarotdecks  J) etc. 

I often call this card: My “poor me” card, because even though sometimes I do feel like the Five of Pentacles, objectively I don’t have any reason to. I have a house, I have food on the table, I am healthy  and I have time enough to do the things I love. Conclusion: If I have the energy of this card hovering over me, it is usually because of the sad stories I tell myself: I am too tired, I am not fit enough, I am too busy, I don’t l have the money to buy myself those beautiful things other people have etc.

So  I asked my cards what to do next and I got the Four of Pentacles.  This was not at all what I expected. This card is often seen as the miser card, the card of thrift and greed. At first I thought I should be more grateful for what I do have instead of letting myself be put down by my own sense of lack. Of course this always a good thing to do but besides that, this card reminds me of clinging to the stories I tell myself over and over again. Even though scarcity is most often experienced in the physical world, I think it usually is the result of what we think. Imagine all the things the guy in the Four of Pentacles is telling himself. He is still such a long way from the sharing position of the Six of Pentacles. 

For today I will try to let go of the internal messages of lack, so the sun can come out to melt the snow in my card of the day.

Year Ahead Spread: February – Two of Swords and Laguz

My card for  February is the Two of Swords from the Wild Unknown Tarot and my rune for this month is Laguz.

The Two of Swords is all about postponing a decision or reaching a stalemate.  This can become quite a challenge for me, since I am usually  all about solving problems and making things right as quickly as possible, so I don’t have to feel uncomfortable any longer than necessary. But truth be told this behavior doesn’t always benefits me. It can cause stressful situations because I tend to act quickly and sometimes too ill considered. Resolving unpleasant feelings as soon as possible has really become a second nature of me. But then I started reading “living Beautifully” by Pema Chödrön again and this reminded me how staying with whatever you feel and experiencing life how it is right now can be an act of compassion toward ourselves and how this can bring about a sense of deep peace and calm.

I feel this card symbolizes my effort to stay with whatever occurs in my life and refrain myself from seeking  a quick habitual solution to make it all go away.

The rune Laguz emphasizes this  notion because Laguz is the rune of  water, of feeling and emotions and of our unconscious. This rune fit seamlessly with “II Inner Voice” of the OshoZen tarot (aka the High Priestess), my rune for this lunation. Both urge me to listen to my heart,  before I decide how to act in a situation. This requires slowing down, becoming more mindful of what is really going on and trying to maintain a regular mediation practice. I am happy to say so far the latter is going rather well this time around.