Uruz and Nine of Swords – About an Ox and a Demon

Today’s rune is Uruz, (Aurochs, the European wild Ox) the rune of strength, courage and endurance. I must be using up  a lot of my strength, because I feel rather tired lately.  So I asked The Anna K tarot what it is that sucks up my energy so easily and I got  the Nine of Swords. It can’t get any more clear than this. I think mental fatigue is a form of exhaustion which is hard to replenish and a good night sleep (which in this case is hard to come by) is often not enough. We all know how tired we can be after a day's’ work in the garden but we also know the deep fulfillment we feel when the is job is done. Yes, maybe some aching muscles will remind us of our work but our energy will be restored at night. With this card the problem lies elsewhere. The continuous churning of the mind over everything which keeps us awake is consuming all of our energy. Often the nine swords represent anxiety, grief, regret, guilt and other demons who might keep us awake at night and prevent us from moving forward in life. And here comes Uruz into play. Even in dire situations like this we have to lift up our head and face each and every demon that haunts us. Naming them is the first step, then follows acknowledgement of the fact we are haunted by them, And then the most difficult part is not to fight them, which only makes them stronger, but to befriend them, get to know them and  find out what keeps them here. and eventually we will be able to set them free which will most certainly boost our energy levels. This kind of work needs a courageous mind and spiritual warrior attitude.  Yes, it is tiring and there is nothing to show for when the day is done. But in the end we will sleep better for it.

Year ahead spread: January - Nine of Swords and Teiwaz

This year was the first time I did a Year Ahead Spread for myself.  For this kind of spread you basically pull a single card for each month as a theme or an energy you may want to explore for that month. The first card you pull is your  theme for the year. I also added rune to each card to give the reading  an extra oomph. I intend to post my card of the month in the beginning of each month. For this spread I’ve used the Wild Unknown Tarot but I might want to use the version of one of the cards I pulled from another deck instead. Or I might even take the card from several decks for comparison. We’ll see were this journey will lead me.

So for January I pulled the Nine of Swords which in this deck is a very disturbing looking card and it is definitely not a very uplifting theme to start the new year with. The Nine of Swords is all about anxiety, bad dreams, guilt and regret, destructive self-talk etc.

Luckily I got the rune Teiwaz (Tir) to go with it. Teiwaz is a warrior rune but also one of order, justice and rationality . You can compare this rune with the Emperor card.

I often am prone to this kind of behavior when I let negative thinking get the best of me.  The worst things could happen if you would believe my internal gibberish. So I feel the energy of Teiwaz can be quite helpful. It is the rationality of this rune which speaks the most clearly to me in this context.

This rune awakes the inner sentinel which will defeat my Fear by showing me what it really is: False Expectations are Appearing Real. Such a clarity bomb often works a lot better than trying to ignore these thoughts or pushing them away. Both of these methods will often make our negative thinking even more persistent and intrusive.

I believe working with this pair could be a very interesting experience.  

Motto: Since I do not know how not to think I want to be mindful of what I think.

New Moon in December - Leaving my cave

For this New Moon I've drawn two cards as usual. The first one for the energy I am going to release and the second one for the energy which is beneficial for me to embrace. From the Druidcraft Tarot I pulled:

Release – Nine of Swords

Now that is a great card to draw for this position. Who wouldn’t want to release all their worries and think only happy thoughts?

As you might have read in my previous posts, there are a lot of changes occurring in my life right now. My first reaction to change is to try to control each and every one of them and when this isn’t possible (duh!!) then I worry about my lack of control. Also at night and in the early morning things always seem less positive and more difficult than during the day. In Dutch we have saying: “seeing a lot of bears on the road…”

Embrace – Ace of coins

Well look who is here: a bear! But I do get the distinct feeling that instead of me seeing the bear, this card is about me being the bear:

Slowly I am coming out of my cave, knowing my own worth and strength. It is not necessary I hide there any longer. I feel confident and at peace and I am entitled to claim my place in this new world full of opportunities and the promise of new beginnings (birches)

When a situation is somewhat difficult I often tend to retire to my room in to find peace and quiet. Chloe from Inner Whispers gave me the advice not only to seek shelter in my room (my cave), how lovely and cozy that might be, but also to create one in my mind so I can find peace within and take it with me wherever I go.

I suppose this strong brave bear has accomplished all this during the dark long winter nights in his cave. Yes, I think such a spiritual shelter cannot be made overnight but has to be build with multiply layers of courage, trust and faith…and most of all Love!

So for now I am going to fill a “Spiritual First Aid Box”: It will contain items which will help me to ground and center myself and to enter that place of peace and quiet within, not only when I am alone, but also when I am around other people.

Some of the items are:

My knitting and chrochet

My journal and pen

My art journal and pencil

My prayerbeads

Some crystals

A mandala coloring page with coloring pencils

A deck of tarot and/or oracle cards

More suggestions are always welcome!

New Moon in May – Taking my time and be gentle with myself

After having played almost exclusively with both my new birthday decks, I felt it was time to pick up my beloved Original Rider Waite deck. Beside the fact I love the color scheme of this deck and of course the  well-known artwork, I am totally smitten by the physical feeling and smell of these cards. No deck feels as good for me as this one does. It was love at first site and I never got over it. J

For this New Moon I've drawn as usual two cards. The first one for the energy I am going to release and the second one for the energy which is beneficial for me to embrace and I drew:

1 Release -  Nine of Swords – well this is as good as it can get. After my emotional set back since the end of April  and the healing I’ve done; the lessons I’ve learned, the time is  right  to let go of my anxiety and sadness for now. I know they will always be in the shadows waiting for another opportunity to get hold of me but for now I am free and I feel good. So let’s keep it this way.

2  Embrace – Seven of Pentacles – This is a card I didn’t know right away what to do with. I often get a kick in the butt of my cards to get going but now they want me so take a pause and reflect on my status quo. While I am writing this it sounds as the most healthy thing to do.  Instead of getting back on my horse again it is better to recuperate  a while longer and rejoice the fact I am up and about again. It is better to be gentle and patient  with myself then to rush into things full steam ahead and overstep my own boundaries (again)

Another thing I get from this card is to pick up my gratitude practice again. This guy is watching his pentacles and is astounded by their beauty. It is only a matter of time when he can harvest his crop. There is so much to be grateful for

Nine of Swords - What to do when you worry too much?

What a fitting card I've drawn for myself today: the Nine of Swords from the Anna K Tarot. Being a rather anxious worrier myself I can often relate very easily to this card but today even more because yesterday evening I was feeling down and hurt and I had trouble sleeping. When you look at the girl in the depiction you’ll see she doesn't even have room to lay down in her bed because of all the swords are sticking in her mattress. Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much of others but I felt left out and forgotten and it did hurt and I felt sad about it.  And then I find it difficult not to wonder about the why’s and I worry about how deal with this issue; what is the right thing to do. Should I forget about it and act if nothing has happened or should I share my feelings and risk to be completely misinterpreted or brushed aside. 

So I ask what is the best solution if I worry too much and can’t stop my train of thoughts. And I got the Seven of Cups. This card is shouting to me: “you should practice what you preach” 

Last Tuesday I had written the post: “a thousand gifts”. This was all about how to be grateful and see the beauty and wonders of life even when you’re down or in a stressful situation. And look at me two days later. Needing the Seven of Cups to remind me of my own resolution to practice gratitude and list my gifts J. 

So for today I am  going to pick up my journal and write down the content of those Seven Cups!

“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.” Eckhart Tolle

Tarot Exercise - Creating your own Wish list

For today I wanted to write about a little exercise I've created: Creating your own magical wish list

Sometimes we exactly know what we want and we  can wish for it. But other times our desires remain a bit foggy and cloudy. Deep down we know, we feel what we want, but it is difficult to put words to those feelings. Now isn't it handy  we have a deck of 78 cards which contains numerous words which pop up immediately when even we look at such a card. Yes, tarot can be our instant wish list. Similar to my Gift boxexercise this is a free association game, which is also a fun way to get acquainted with a new deck.

So this is how is goes:You sit quietly with you deck, shuffle it thoroughly, pick a card, say : “I wish…...”  and turn the card around. Then say whatever comes to mind and that will be your wish. You can repeat this as often as you want and wish and wish and wish…..

These are a few of my wishes, triggered by The Hidden Realm Tarot:

Life Renewed: I wish it was Autumn

Ten of Cups: I wish I was a more passionate cook

Feary stallion: I wish I could go horseback riding along the seashore

Nine of Swords: I wish could let go of fearful thoughts more easy

Five of Pentacles: I wish I could be more compassionate

You might want to put the most prominent and surprising wishes on you altar or a cabinet so you won’t forget what you've wished for.

When you want to take it one step further you could rephrase your wishes (passive) into affirmations (active): “I  wish I was a more passionate cook” versus “I am a talented cook who enjoys to cook a tasteful dinner for her family”

I hope you will enjoy this little exercise 

Nine Of Swords - Fear of Silence

For today I have drawn the Nine of Swords from the Tarot of the hidden Realm. No nightmares, no dangling swords over your head but definitely a feel of tension and anxiety. This young Fey woman is crouched on the ground behind a leafless tree which obviously doesn't give her any shelter. She has been on the run for too long and has been through a lot. It is so difficult for her to relax; to finally acknowledge her battles are over.
In her mind she repeatedly hears the same warnings, accusations and she sees images of what has been and what should have been; an endless stream of consecutive thoughts. The owl in the picture represents wisdom and compassion which will help us to let go of the repeating self defeating tapes in our head. Only when you acknowledge those thoughts, you can start to release them. For each thought the white owl releases a tiny soft feather. After all her thoughts are touched by one single feather, she will be able to get up and move on.

I can relate to the anxious restless feeling of hurry and haste. It really feels sometimes if am on the run for myself. Always keeping my mind occupied; afraid for what will come up when there is only silence. Perhaps it is a good idea to sit with this card and try to find out what causes this feeling…

"When my mind is still, Silence will guide me."

The gift box exercise

Today I want to share another exercise with you. I've came up with this one yesterday to pass the time in a positive way, while waiting to go with M to the hospital for her second ultrasound and  a biopsy.  I am happy to tell you things look positive but we still have to wait another week for the test results.

For now back to the exercise. When you think about it, a deck of tarot cards is like a gift box with 78 presents.

So what did I do: I picked up my Joie de Vivre Tarot and pulled a card which I interpreted like opening a present:

I am fully present in this moment to receive the gift of  (name of the card)……….. which is (gift)……………………

I've pulled  a lot of cards one after another and it felt like being showered with goodies and gifts from a group of very close friends. Sometimes when you do exercises like this you get to know your cards on a slightly different level. Which in turn can add another layer to you regular readings

A few examples:

* I am fully present in this moment to receive the gift of  Nine of Swords which is the strength to look upwards to see the hearts in the tree

* I am fully present in this moment to receive the gift of  Four of swords which is to go within and put my worries aside

* I am fully present in this moment to receive the gift of  Nine of Cups which is to wish for my heart’s desire

* I am fully present in this moment to receive the gift of  The Devil which is The awareness of having scissors to cut my cords

As you've noticed it doesn't matter if the cards are “good or bad”. Every card can be interpreted as a gift. Of course you can alter the sentence at your own discretion. It is the idea of receiving gifts that counts. For me it was an encouraging experience J

Sometimes you just have to be told over and over again!

Sometimes you draw a card and you feel like you've been hit in the stomach: Not again the nine of Swords. A little bit more than a week ago I drew the Nine of Air from the Angeltarot. 

This depiction was a lot more gentle than the rendition of the Druidcraft Tarot which follows neatly the Rider Waite imagery: a woman in despair holding her head in her hands in hands, unable to sleep.

She is obviously at a loss, sad and depressed. Often when I get a card more often then usual it is clear to me I haven’t got the message  yet. So I asked the cards what should a I do to solve the problems represented by this card and I drew the Eight of Cups. This is also a card I get a lot in personal readings. It is like the tarot is screaming: “wake up woman”, which would sound less cynical if  the woman in the nine of swords wasn't having sleepless nights. J

It looks like she was able to get out of her bed and has dressed herself in her red sheet and blue blanket. She is leaving all her empty dried up cups behind and she is following the path uphill beside the stream of fresh cool water. She is searching for the its source, which holds the promise of healing,  intuition and Love

It just struck me this figure is climbing yesterdays mountain!

Nine of air – Please be quiet!

My daily draw is the Nine of Air from the Angel Tarot. Instead of an anxious woman in her bed with nine swords hanging above her head, we see a clearing in the forest were eight unicorns are sleeping while one isn't able to do so. I wonder what thoughts could trouble a Unicorn?

I am glad I've chosen this deck because  its nine of air is less scary and hopeless then the R.W based decks’ nine of sword cards. This card is very timely for me for lately I worry a lot more than usual. Whenever I´m doing nothing and try to relax, the voices are starting to mumble and if I cannot shut them up they get louder and louder. Sometimes reading a book  isn't even possible. I would be so grateful for some peace of mind and to be able to finish a book. Blogging is working quite nice just as watching a movie. But I don’t want to spend my entire day behind a screen. I know the best remedy is to stay busy, but sometimes I wish it stopped so I could sit in my garden close my eyes and enjoy the warmth of the sun. How can I ever learn to listen to my inner (intuitive) voice when the screamers don’t shut up!
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere” Erma Bombeck

A tarot spread for the New Year

Yesterday I've stumbled upon a great spread for the new year. It was created by Kate from Daily TarotGirl and she has made a video about it too.  It’s not a twelve month spread but more an overall view for the coming year. I liked it so much, I've done this reading for my daughters as well as for myself. We were all amazed about the accuracy of the readings. Whether it was the spread, the deck or our own awesomeness, It was a great experience to do this together.J

I've used the Druidcraft Tarot (just as Kate did) because I am very fond of this deck and I tend to use it for larger spreads. Now that I've trimmed the borders the colors of all the cards together are so beautiful 

Druidcraft Tarot

1 The overall message of the reading:  - The Lovers

For me this is a card of feeling whole. A synergy of male and female; mind and heart. This card also urges me to really, fully connect to the things I want to accomplish and to go for it; to be passionate about it.

2 Your goals and dreams for 2014 and how do you make things happen? - Nine of Swords.
I want to let go of my anxiety and worries and to learn to trust in myself and in the future. No more long negative spiraling into the black hole!

3 What actions are needed to be successful?- Three of Swords.

I still have to process parts of my grief, pain and sadness to be able to move forward

4 What do you leave behind in 2013? -  Four of Swords.

I've been resting long enough! Now it’s time to pick myself up and make things happen

5 The theme of 2014 : -Two of Wands.

I was indecisive and insecure. I knew my current situation was solid and save. But I felt like there had to be more, only I was too afraid to make the next move.  Now is the time to step over the threshold and make a the first step

6 Where  will 2014 lead us? -  Three of Pentacles.

YAY! My creativity card. I am starting to feel more relaxed already when I am drawing and I want to improve that by drawing (or painting , writing, collage etc) more often and to really be thankful and happy with the things I will create in 2014

7 Obstacles for 2014: - Five of Cups.

I have to be careful not to be overwhelmed by feeling sorry for myself when I am feeling sad or anxious. It’s better to focus on what is still there than on what I've lost

8 Gifts and talents for 2014: -  Ace of Swords.

 I am developing a new, more positive way of thinking. My gifts are my mind, my words, my writing; Those are the gifts I can use to find clarity, new idea’s and insights.

9 Message from your guides before you step into the new year: -  The world.

Wow! What a beautiful message: “You are already whole: You are who you are supposed to be at this very moment. Everything is okay. Just take the next step and your path will unfold itself into the new year.”

I wish everybody to be able to take that next step into 2014

Happy New Year!