As you all
know, I haven’t been feeling so well lately. Also I have been considering to
take a short hiatus from blogging and social media all together. Some days it feels like I am just going through
the motions and ticking of my daily boxes.
The last two days I have been pampering myself and it felt really good: listening
to music, reading books, drinking coffee, nibbling on biscuits, taking long
showers and so forth. But even pampering
gets boring, although I am still not
there yet. So I asked my cards for advice on where to go from here.
The
Three of Pentacles came up: Creativity shared with friends. No Hermit or Four
of Swords, which are my go-to cards in a situation like this. The other card
which came up was the Ace of Wands: A budding wand, filled with so much potential.
But be careful not to nip all these juicy ideas in the bud. Choose one and cherish is like a new born child.
So here I am
again with another blog post thanks to my “cardboard therapist” and it actually
feels good to write this; sharing how
it is right now and not pretending to be something I am not. Feeling like this
often fills me with shame and/or guilt, because how can I permit myself these feelings when
so many live in much more dire circumstances than I do. But it is what it is
and I know from experience I will get better, probable sooner than later, because I’ve learned to recognize the signs early on.
Feeling like
this confronts me with difficult lesson in self love. It is so easy to love and embrace who we are when all is well and life is on the
upside but this lesson is about the hardest part: loving ourselves when we are faced
with parts of ourselves we don’t like at all and are often embarrassed about.
“I will be gentle with myself and I will only
go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go” Karin Drucker
Consider this (that I learned from my teachers): When I gently acknowledge those parts of myself I don't like (without shame) and see what kind of chain reactions they can set off in me, I can look outward at others and compassionately view them in the same way. You are not alone. :) Chodron would advocate doing something different, outside of you habitual pattern, so you don't get sucked down by the darkness you feel. (((Ellen)))
ReplyDeleteThank you so much my dear friend for your and your teachers' wisdom. I am trying to pick up my Art journaling, which has been put aside since my neck hernia last October. It is a very low key form of making art and ever so relaxing to do. :)
DeleteHopefully that Ace of Wands will bring some much needed enthusiasm and get you going again. When we slip into neutral sometimes it is challenging to gain that forward momentum.
ReplyDeleteI am sure it will Carolyn. Your are right; neutral can be quite a danger zone.
DeleteOur sorrow or joy in no way detracts or adds to anyone else. The 'look at someone else who has it worse' only helps when having a pity party. embrace the things you love, fling from you the actions that do not enrich your life.
ReplyDeleteSharyn that is really great advice. I will quote you on that one day. I do that comparison thing with myself and others and with others to try and shore them up. I will rethink that in the future.
DeleteThank you Sharyn,I will. Art journaling has always been a lifesaver for me and I am positive it will do the trick this time around as well. One day I will become a pro in beating depression :)
DeleteI have been planting seeds getting ready for Spring...because it's coming! We had a huge snow storm here and are getting another Monday. But I'm not bothered...I refuse! Take heart Ellen you certainly are not alone and it is true what you say, it's always easier to feel self love when we are feeling good about ourselves. Embracing my dark side that's were the lesson lies for me. It's easy to get myopic in our vision so I have to try and get out of my own mind! Some would tell me that's not hard for me to do, lol. But sometimes it is and takes effort.
ReplyDeleteMy neighbour just finished plowing out the four feet of snow that I've been feeling buried under!
BIG HUGS to you Ellen <3
Here's lyrics by Buffy Saint Marie to her song, Carry It On. It's very inspiring and uplifting. I hope it helps you, like it does me.
Carry It On
© Words & Music Buffy Sainte-Marie.
Hold your head up
Lift the top of your mind
Put your eyes on the Earth
Lift your heart to your own home planet
What do you see?
What is your attitude
Are you here to improve or damn it
Look right now and you will see
we’re only here by the skin of our teeth as it is
so take heart and take care of your link with Life and
Oh carry it on – We’re saying
Oh carry it on – Keep playing
Oh carry it on – And praying
It ain’t money that makes the world go round
That’s only temporary confusion
It ain’t governments that make the people strong
It’s the opposite illusion
Look right now and you will see
they’re only here by the skin of our teeth as it is
so take heart and take care of your link with Life
Oh carry it on – Keep saying
Oh carry it on – And playing
Oh carry it on – And praying
Look right now and you will see
we’re only here by the skin of our teeth as it is
so take heart and take care of your link with
Life is beautiful
if you got the sense to take care of your source of perfection
Mother Nature She’s the daughter of God and the source of all protection
Look right now
and you will see she’s only here by the skin of her teeth as it is
so take heart and take care of your link with Life
Oh carry it on – Keep saying
Oh carry it on – And playing
Oh carry it on – Keep on praying
Thank you so much my Catherine for these beautiful lyrics. I've listened to it as well and it is a very empowering and uplifting song
DeletePS Thank God/dess for neighbors! :)
Gentle hugs to you, my dear.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rose!
Delete"It is so easy to love and embrace who we are when all is well and life is on the upside but this lesson is about the hardest part: loving ourselves when we are faced with parts of ourselves we don’t like at all and are often embarrassed about." So true. What true self-love is really all about, right?
ReplyDeleteI, too, sometimes feel like I'm just ticking off some boxes. I often wonder how can everyone stay up on everyone's blogs/IGs/youtubes and still create/pull/rest for myself? So, it's all in finding the balance, I tell myself. It has to be. Cut out where we can - less TV perhaps? (I tend to watch a lot of netflix) and as much as I love my sleep, pushing myself to move once I feel rested. Then, we can fill that white space with what we desire, and then the boxes will feel less like ticks and more like creative flow (I hope).
Anyway, well wishes to you Ellen <3
Thank you so much for your sharing your thoughts on the matter Alaina. And of course for wishing me well :)
DeleteFinding balance and keeping it, is a lifelong endeavor
I've definitely been in tickbox mode, myself. Today, I'm doing something different, refusing to tick those boxes just because. Maybe it'll work, maybe I'll decide not to tick those boxes again, or go back to them, or find other boxes to tick. Ah, the possibilities in that Ace of Wands :D
ReplyDeleteThen you know this doesn't feel good. Choosing which boxes to tick is permitting ourselves to say no to the things which don't bring us joy. This is not always possible but sometimes we have to set our priorities straight and chose us (especially today 14-2)
DeleteI just experienced this. I had been on a roll painting, writing, and then..thud! back to earth. This weekend I could barely make it off the couch.. Then came the guilt and shame for not creating and wasting time...but then I checked my journal and saw the pattern..so I stayed in and embraced it. Yes took many long showers and baths...This morning I did my tarot cards..the 3 of pentacles and the Ace of wands, which brought me here
ReplyDelete.I'm not alone. That's enough for me. To know that I'm not alone in this struggle. Hmmm... Now I feel like pulling out the sketch pad. Thanks in ways you might never know.
Thank you for you comment. It is for me also good to realize I am not the only one to experience this. Often when we are feeling like this it seems like it will never end. And then we suddenly we find support in unknown places
DeleteThank you so much for stopping by and leaving me this upliftingcomment