For this new
moon I’ve pulled one card from the Wildwood
Tarot as to what energy I should embrace during the time until the Full Moon in March.
I got the Seven of Vessels – Mourning. Perhaps you can imagine my initial reaction
to this card. My first thoughts were: how could this be a focal point right now, when I am so trying to find some emotional balance again? But then I knew: We are often talking
about releasing and letting go to make room for the new but we
tend to forget the work we have to do prior of letting go. Mourning is hard work and calls for a great
deal of effort and endurance. It is only through mourning we can become soft
and fluid again because when we hold on to grief, often without knowing, we
tighten, both mentally and physically. We hold on to our sadness, our loss, in
our stomach, our muscles and we bury it deep in the shadow of our soul. This
way it can fester and eventually make us depressed. We can’t escape mourning so
we’d better get to it.
Usually we
are better at mourning our greater losses, the ones we can’t hide away: the
death of loved ones, losing a great love etc. We often mourn these losses in the
circle of our family and friends. But this card also encourage us to look at
the smaller losses, the seemingly insignificant ones.
What immediately
came to mind, when I saw this card is how I never have acknowledged my sadness
over the loss of my ability to play the piano. I have had piano lessons for more
than seven years and it gave me such joy to play this instrument. But due to my
nerve damage in my hand I won’t be able
play again. It hurts too much. Just as we
have to be grateful for achieving “small victories” I believe it can be very healing
to recognize what we have lost along the way and to say our goodbyes; perhaps with
a little ritual, while being grateful for the good memories which we will always keep close to our heart.
“This will
allow our emotions to flow again; to rise and fall naturally and bring a sense of closure, completion and peace”
(guidebook)
With gratitude for what was and grief for its passing, I agree with the wisdom in your post 100%. It is a process, sometimes a long one, but impossible to be fulfilled with the new until the old is laid to rest with thought and compassion.
ReplyDeleteYou've described it beautifully. Thank you my dear friend.
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss. Beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sharyn, it is not an easy subject to put into words (especially in English :))
DeleteLoss transform us. Hopefully you can find a new way to bring music into your home. Do you listen to any piano concertos? You can still let the piano stir your soul and fill your cups.
ReplyDeleteI find some of my most difficult days are when I find myself wishing I did not suffer the trauma. I am not that gal anymore and to wish for something that cannot be, is like picking the scab off the wound. 5years for me and I still pick.
Thankfully I do enjoy listening to music a lot.
DeleteI can relate tot the wishing part. My husband and I had so many plans together which will never come to pass due to his stroke and my chronic depression. It is not easy to live our life without picking the wound (twelve years and counting) Mourning is an ongoing process when there is no physical death. You are still you, I am still me and my husband is still here and life goes on...
Gentle hug
Beautifully written thought provoking post. Reminds me of when I lost someone I loved to serious mental illness. No recognisable ending, funeral or condolences just lonely grief with no outlet.
DeleteI'm sorry you cannot play any more and for your plans
Thanks you so much on both accounts Laylah. It is indeed a similar mourning process, one without ending and being reminded on what you have lost on a daily basis.
DeleteThat must be hard. Hugs.
DeleteWhen I worked as a bereavement counsellor, we were always reminded that loss can come in so many sometimes unexpected ways. And that mourning has its own patterns and cycles. For instance, you might think you have come to terms with something, and then there is a small reminder, a smell, a sound, an anniversary. And suddenly, there is pain again. Yes, mourning can be hard work. And yet, as you say, if you want to be soft and fluid again, sometimes you need to spend the time and energy on it. Good luck, dear Ellen. I hope you find a ritual or something to help you say your goodbyes :)
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear Chloe. Yes mourning comes in waves. Even the "little losses" demand grieving more than once. I doubt if there will ever come a time we are able to say our final goodbyes. Maybe mourning is a continuous ever changing process.
DeleteI can't underestimate or minimize small kindnesses or small losses. They are all a very significant part of who I am.
ReplyDeleteSpending a large part of my life stuffing my feelings because of loss and not morning, crippled me emotionally. Recently coming to terms with, understanding and accepting that I have PTSD has been difficult but freeing and has helped me to forgive myself for the behaviours I exhibited as a result.
Big hug to you Ellen <3
We do need to accept who we are and what are strengths and weaknesses are. It is hard realize we are broken somehow but on the other hand this knowledge give us freedom from always having to search for the why and the how.
DeleteForgiving ourselves for not being perfect is so essential
Big Hug to you too my dear