Playing with watercolors

Nothing is a soothing for a restless agitated mind than playing with my drawing pens and watercolors. I am so grateful to have remembered this when I needed it the most.
The Divine Feminine in her aspect of Mother Mary keeps inspiring me and for that I am also truly thankful.

Listen to the Hermit…

Today’s cards are the Eight of Pentacles and The Hermit from the Anna K Tarot.  The Hermit is showing up very regularly for me and also other cards which are conveying his message, like the King of Cups from the same deck who is enjoying some quiet time, reading a book by his fireplace. They all seem to want me to take some time for myself. 

It has been quite a hectic week so far. Last weekend I went to visit my mother and how much  I love to see her and spent time with her, it still always a very  energy consuming event. So when I returned home I was more than willing to follow the advice of The Hermit. But life has its own agenda and Monday morning we’ve received some very thrilling news: My SIL has found a job very near to our home town so S and he will be moving out soon but they will be living close by. He has applied for jobs all over the country, so this job is an answer to many of my prayers. But the thrill of excitement has changed S into a small indoor tornado. Chatting about moving out, houses, furniture, color schemes has left me with hardly room for my own hermity ways whatsoever. And because I do love to be included in her eager anticipation to move out, you can imagine how difficult it is for me to find some balance.

The Eight of Pentacles is my cloaked temptation to keep control over my daily life. As long as I am cooking, cleaning, doing groceries, meditating, drawing my cards, leaving comments, posting pictures on IG, writing in my journal and uploading a blogpost now and then, I will have the reins of my life in both my clenched fists. (p.s. let’s not forget the upcoming holiday preparations :D)

Look how strict and severe the master is checking the work of his pupil. This is my inner parent who hates it when I slack. I guess he is never really satisfied and how much effort I put into it, it is hardly ever enough. I can always do better and more.
So today I am going to embrace my inner Hermit. Like a wise and friendly elder he will guide me into a more quiet and peaceful state of mind. He will be able to convince me to let go of all my to-do lists even the “spiritual” ones and to listen carefully to that soft inner voice which will tell me what it is I  really need in this moment.

I am even considering to take week off from my digital life and spend some real quality time with Me. So if you don't hear from me for a couple of days you will understand why and what it is I am up to: No-Thing :)

What does Tarot mean to me?

Today I had an interesting conversation with M about which place Tarot has in my life. Words as hobby, interest, obsession, collecting or hoarding, were mentioned. Recently I have shared with you my craving for new stuff etc.  I still think it is not healthy to give in to every budding desire but sometimes there are decks out there you just can’t say no too. For me this is the Ravens prophecy tarot By Maggie Stiefvater. So this afternoon after long consideration I pushed the buy button and I honestly feel so good about it.

To shed some light over the question: “What does tarot mean to me” I pulled three cards from the Anna K Tarot:

Three of Pentacles. My all time creativity card. Tarot opens for me the door to the creative part of my mind. With each  drawn card there is a question asked and an answer needed. Each time a different answer is required, depending on the question, the surrounding cards or the mood of the reader. Tarot is for me the  Book  of Life made of 78 cards and it’s never finished. 

The other beautiful aspect of this card is the sharing of this creative outlet with other likeminded people and to learn from one another and enjoy each other’s work.

Four of Swords  This card is all about the stories we can create with the cards to tell ourselves when we are troubled. These stories mirror our deepest thoughts and fears. They unlock our unconscious and reveal what is hidden in the abyss. Eventually this will bring us healing and peace of mind.

Four of Pentacles  when I pulled this card I had to laugh out loud. My deck couldn’t have overlooked this aspect. This card urges me to walk the fine line between hoarding and selective collecting

I enjoy playing with my decks a lot. Holding them, shuffling them, flipping through them. Al these things are very relaxing for me. So reading this card more positively I would say I really do enjoy having a physical deck collection.

Seeing the two fours here also made me realize how much support and stability Tarot has brought into my life especially during life’s (inevitable) challenges.

What does tarot mean to you?

My Painting of Mother Mary and her Child

As some of you might already know, lately I have been working a lot with the Mother Mary Oracle by Alan Fairchild and this has inspired me to create my own rendition of Mary with several different media. Her presence in my life has opened the door again to connect to the Divine Feminine. For me she is a very familiar representation of the Mother of all things. She is gentle and loving and her being a mother, I suspect her to be strong and protective too. The Mother Mary oracle highlights so many more different aspects of her, which I am very eager to explore.

During my shadow work in October I’ve come to embrace the creative fire of my inner Knight of Wands and this has resulted in picking up a large canvas and painting Mother Mary and her Child. It took me quite some time to finish it because when you create something, fear is always looking over your shoulder…

(inspired by peggy apl seeds) 

New Moon in November

Today’s cards are picked by myself from the Anna K Tarot to represent my intention for the coming lunation.

Release - The seven of cups.

Lately I feel the desire more than usual to buy stuff on an impulse. YouTube is a very powerful enabler. Lots of gorgeous decks are unboxed, revealed, and reviewed. Besides that I feel the urge to smoke a cigarette more often and more intense. And don’t get me started about milk chocolate with hazelnuts. I know giving in to these cravings only will give short time fulfillment but none the less I feel them so intense.

Embrace - Strength. This card beautifully represents for me the practice of “Feeding your Demons” developed by Lama Tsultrim Allione which Bev  introduced me to.

The woman in this depiction of Strength is facing her inner lion, her untamed self, the sum of  her intense emotions and burning desires. She asks her what it is she really needs because it isn’t chocolate, the next new deck or a cigarette. And gently her lion puts her paw on the woman’s lap and looks at her with her deep brown eyes and she knows: Her lion needs to be loved, comforted, held, cared for, listened to, and so many other things that money just can’t buy. When all of her needs are met she can unfasten the collar and sit with her quietly.

I love it that in this depiction the lion is female too, which highlights the fact that the woman and the lion are on and the same.

This month I am going to focus on tending to my lions needs and to be compassionate with every part of myself when things get difficult. I also want to focus more on being grateful for what I have.   

Gratitude: Today I am grateful for seeing through the illusion that things will give me what I really need and for the inner strength to change my behavior patterns    

Knight of Cups - Searching, searching forever searching

For today I’ve drawn the Knight of Cups from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. The ultimate seeker for emotional and spiritual fulfillment; for Love.

It feels like he has his destiny, his holy grail in sight. He is no longer “lost in the woods”. The landscape is open and inviting. The only thing what prevents him from going on is a small river. His horse lifts his leg willing to cross it but the knight hesitates. I wonder why. The stream is obviously shallow. The knight looks at his cup. Maybe he is fearful of finding his grail because then the quest is over and he doesn’t know what to do next.

So what is waiting for him on the other side of the river. What is he longing for? And I drew The Empress. If he only knew he would be held in her arms. He would be nurtured and cared for because She has been waiting for him all this time. Yes if he only knew he would spur his horse and jump over the stream because She is where he needs to be and from Her many paths will come within sight

The King of Swords needs to loosen up

My card for today is the King of Swords from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. It is not the first time this week the King of Swords is passing by. But today I finally understood why it is he is paying me a visit so frequently. 

Lately there are so many things on my mind; so many choices to be made. And don’t fret, nothing life threatening or life changing is going on, it is just me and my constant need for control who wants to organize and structure her life. Questions like: what journal do I use, do I type or write by hand? Do I paint in my small art journal or in my larger one? Do I meditate in the morning or in the evening etc etc etc. All those questions prevent me from doing something. 

So I pulled another card and I got the three of wands. Oh what a wonderful solution. Standing on a hill top watching the ships go by. For now he has nothing to do, the choices he has made in the Two of Wands are the right ones. Being confident about the decisions he has made is paying off. Maybe the ships are sailing to far away countries or maybe they are returning to the harbor, but either way there is movement in this card which is lacking in the depiction of the King of Swords.  So movement, flexibility in thinking and deciding is what I will focus on today. Nothing what I will decide today will be set in stone forever. So letting go of the need to structure (control)my life will give me a sense of ease and a freedom to listen to the whispering of my intuition telling what is good for me right now!

And then... and then.. and then…..

Storytelling with tarot is something I really love to do. Mostly when my card of the day is not quite what I expected or hoped for, I start asking questions and drawing more cards until the story unfolds and the message becomes clear to me.

Today I started out with the Eight of Cups from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot. Usually I love pulling this card. It gives me permission to leave everything behind and to spend some quality alone time but today it felt a bit challenging so soon after all the shadow work I have been doing last month. My initial reactions was: "Oh no, not again!"  So I pulled the Four of Cups, where a man is longing for the cup in the sky and doesn’t see the beautiful ones in the grass. This card tells me how I felt in the beginning of October. I had all those grand ideas of how I would spiritually grow and  although I did grow/change,  it was so entirely different than I expected it to be. And the Three of Coins is showing me how different it all was. I found my creative fire again and the courage to do something with it. Up until now the cards haven’t told me anything new. It all feels like a big intro to the main plot: the Six of Swords. This card is all about a journey again. I think it is about taking all the ideas of how finding creativity has been my “salvation” under consideration and asking myself questions like: “Why do want to create? How do I feel when I create? What part of me do I share with others when I create? Etc. Making a painting is not the destination of the journey it is the beginning of a new journey. And then I pulled the last card: Judgment which is to me the call to an authentic life; when we step out of the box of who we thought we were and  to sing the song of our soul of who we really are. 

Taking a moment…

After the intense experiences of last month it is time to settle down a bit. To let my feelings simmer and to try to blend my rekindled inner fire into the watery aspects of my personality. For today I've drawn one card from  Soul Cards 2 and from the Wild Unknown Tarot I got the Son of Wands.

These two cards represent this need perfectly. For today I identify with the person in the middle. Although she isn’t looking at the Son of Wands, she can clearly feel his warmth and energy buzzing behind her. Her eyes are focused. on the lovely woman before her, who I see as a depiction of the Divine Feminine. Their hands  are touching and the same energy as in the Son of Wands card is now flowing directly into the woman in the middle.  Where the Son of Wands is sending out his energy to wherever it wants to go, the flow of the Divine Feminine is more controlled and gentle. Just now I noticed how the red and the yellow are actually blending with the blue hues of the woman in the middle into purples and greens…

This tells me that when I take time to really embrace my fire it will not only give me the courage to create and step out of the box but also a new found inner wisdom (purple) and compassion towards others (green)