The Sun - How to get real

Since yesterday I have been thinking a lot about how to become more authentic and true to who I really am. This was brought about by several events during the day: reading Carolyn’s post about the Inner Child, reaching the chapter about Authenticity in  “The gifts of imperfection” by Brene Brown and becoming painfully aware of my “obligation” to be creative.

All this is strongly encouraging me to find out what it is I really want, as opposed to what I think I should want. Life can be so much more than ticking of boxes, even if they represent enjoyable activities.

 I have to admit I do find it a bit scary; maybe I don’t want to know what I really want or who I really am but then again I don’t like this feeling either.  

One thing which is in my opinion crucial to touch on this deeper layer is to live more mindfully and to make a full stop when a choice has to be made. This way we have the time to listen to our inner wisdom and to our inner child. I strongly belief that both of them are beyond pleasing and pretending.

Also I think tarot can be a great tool to trigger deeper buried desires and needs, especially when you read  the cards purely intuitively. So I have pulled two cards for today:

What do I think I want? Queen of Wands

I think I want to be a passionate, outgoing, confident and creative woman. I want to speak up and to be heard. I want to be unafraid of failure as well as of success. I want tot breath fire with my words. 

As lovely and juicy this all may  sound maybe this is not really who I am at this moment and also not who I aspire to be for now.

What do I really want? The Sun

I do like the become more self aware and to shed some light over the shadowy parts of my personality. My inner child seems to be in dire need of some sunshine lately. I want to learn more about who I am and to see this as the beginning of a journey within, which will bring me more wisdom, joy and happiness than pretending to be something I am not. Also I want to keep safe everything I learn along the way safe and protect it from old habitual thinking patterns. So I will keep the light of the Sun close to my heart and let it illuminate my way.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are” Brene Brown

Id ,Ego and Superego Tarot spread

Today I did the assigned spread for the Shadow Work October challenge by @mnomquah 

I’ve used the Tarot of Vampyres by Ian Daniels for this one. We were advised only to use the Major Arcana but in no means we had to go against our intuition so I decided to pull a Minor to accompany each Minor in this spread.

The positions are:

1 Id - Primal desires – your “wild” child

Strength - My inner child is wilder and stronger then I realize. She is totally in sync with her wild side. She powerful, willful and resourceful. She is so eager to be heard and I love her!

+ Prince of Knives – This card emphasizes she can use her wits to get what she wants and she is not afraid to think out of the box

2 Ego – Your practical “grown up” self; reason and self control

High Priestess - Not so practical, this one. I have been doing the practical thing my whole adult life. Let people cross my boundaries. Put everyone problems  before my own. Now it is time to listen to my intuition. Take care of me first. This phase of my life has a very inward focus. Searching for what I really want, need, love; reclaiming bit by bit who I am supposed to be.

+ Nine of Scepters This was such a welcome card. It feels like my “wild” child is surfacing and she is helping me to protect my boundaries, while I am doing this inner work of bringing all parts of me back together again

3 Superego - Your philosophical and spiritual ideals, the "Quest for Perfection"

Justice – Always seeking for balance, finding my center, meaning and purpose. Trying to be fair and just to everyone and now also to myself. Finding  a spiritual path which will keep me balanced when challenges arise

+ Four of Skulls – I have to be mindful not to get caught up in other peoples rules and dogma’s. I have to be my own guide. It is easy to be tempted to follow a set path but I know I am too much of a Hermit to belong to any group or to endorse a religion.

It was a very illuminating reading for me especially about the part of the “wild” child and how she appears as the Nine of Scepters in my daily life. At the end of the reading it struck  me how the subdued energy of the High Priestess is surrounded by much more vibrant cards 

I guess there is a whole lot more going on under the surface then I realized. I do enjoy this Challenge so much! 

Struggling with the Knight of Wands

Day 5 My least favorite card. Why? What does it say about me?

For now I would say this is mostly the Knight of Wands. I find his enthusiasm and high spirited nature annoying. It is often too much and for me too impulsive and exaggerated. People like him tend too draw a lot of attention and not always in a positive; they are loud, bragging and taking unnecessary risks. I know he has a lot of good qualities too but these are the ones that get to me.
Why? probable jealousy, wanting to have the courage to do my own thing no matter what others might think of it. I am often lacking the energy to "go for it" I have a lot of ideas in my mind but too often they stay there gathering dust..
To scared to get on that horse and just ride with my hairs dancing in the wind....

Laguz and the Hermit – Follow your bliss

The question for my Daily was: what can I do to follow my bliss and live authentically?

The rune to show me the way is Laguz (Water) this is the rune of intuition, our unconscious, emotions and feelings, introspection….all the attributes we assign to the element of water.

A very appropriate rune to pull because introspection is a doorway to our true self. When we are opening  up to what we feel and being brave enough to fully embrace who are, we might find our hearts desire on the bottom of our inner lake. Meditating, walking in nature; spending quality time with ourselves is the perfect way to discover what make us really happy.

When I drew my tarot card from The Original Rider Waite Tarot I felt like I've just got a beautiful gift from my deck. I think you all know the feeling when you pull a card and it is almost too good to be true.

The Hermit will be our guide to our inner realm. He will shine his light over all the parts of ourselves we have forgotten, neglected  and/or denied for so long. Let’s go on a treasure hunt with the Hermit. Dust of those beautiful, unique aspects of ourselves and shine our light over them to see how gorgeous we truly are.

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”  ~Joseph Campbell