Since yesterday
I have been thinking a lot about how to become more authentic and true to who I really am.
This was brought about by several events during the day: reading Carolyn’s post about the Inner Child, reaching
the chapter about Authenticity in “The
gifts of imperfection” by Brene Brown and becoming painfully aware of my “obligation”
to be creative.
All this
is strongly encouraging me to find out what it is I really want, as
opposed to what I think I should want. Life can be so much more than ticking of boxes, even if they represent enjoyable activities.
I have to admit I do find it a bit scary;
maybe I don’t want to know what I really want or who I really am but then again
I don’t like this feeling either.
One thing
which is in my opinion crucial to touch on this deeper layer is to live more
mindfully and to make a full stop when a choice has to be made. This way we
have the time to listen to our inner wisdom and to our inner child. I strongly belief
that both of them are beyond pleasing and pretending.
Also I
think tarot can be a great tool to trigger deeper buried desires and needs, especially
when you read the cards purely intuitively.
So I have pulled two cards for today:
What do I think I want? Queen of Wands
I think I want to
be a passionate, outgoing, confident and creative woman. I want to speak up and to be heard. I
want to be unafraid of failure as well as of success. I want tot breath fire
with my words.
As lovely and juicy this all may sound maybe this is not really who I am at this
moment and also not who I aspire to be for now.
What do I really want? The Sun
I do like
the become more self aware and to shed some light over the shadowy parts of my
personality. My inner child seems to be in dire need of some sunshine lately. I
want to learn more about who I am and to see this as the beginning of a journey within, which will bring me more
wisdom, joy and happiness than pretending to be something I am not. Also I want to keep safe everything I learn along the way safe and protect it from old habitual thinking patterns. So I will keep the light of the Sun close to my heart and let it illuminate my way.
“Authenticity
is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and
embracing who we are” Brene Brown
That's such a good question. And perfect for asking insight from the cards. I think I also fall in the trap of following what I think I want. But in truth...sometimes what I think I want doesn't even make me happy.
ReplyDeleteThat was for me the sign that what I was doing had to change. I hope you'll find your happy place soon :)
Deletethat queen of Wands makes me think of all the times I've spoke without thinking.
ReplyDeleteI don't think she ever thinks twice before she says something :)
DeleteWhat a triggering (in a good way!) post. I've been struggling with such thoughts myself lately. Thank you for sharing, I'll definitely try these questions out.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you get something out of this. I was not quite sure if I should share this feeling of mine but now I am glad I did :)
DeleteWow, those two cards say a lot! The Queen of Wands is so full of energy and a need to fulfill a purpose, the Sun (especially the RWS version) seems to be simply about finding joy and clarity.
ReplyDeleteThe sun card energy is so much more relaxed in comparison to this passionate queen. It feels like I have been given the opportunity to shed her skin and breath out :)
DeleteMore Wand energy and a double jolt of expresso with The Sun. Ellen I think something truly wonderful is about to burst forth in your Life. So much energy, have lots of fun with it. With all those Queens lately, your guardian circle of feminine energy will help you find your way. It is you time of year. Brene Brown really cuts to the heart of things. I really enjoy reading her books.
ReplyDeleteI love the image of a guardian circle. For me this is is the first book of her I am reading and it is truly amazing
DeleteWhich queen do you most identify with? Is HRH wands the queen of artists? You post reminds me of the presence of an absence. I don't think I've ever drawn Queen Cups which is strange because she is probably the one that is least like me.
ReplyDeleteI am more a Queen of Swords and Cups. I think when you are like HRH Wands creating will come more naturally. Often I have to overcome my inner critic and feelings of insecurity. The presence of an absence: beautifully said !!
DeleteI almost never draw the Queen of Cups either :D
The images make me think of nurturing your inner flame tenderly and carefully, rather than exposing it to others. Maybe that's something I need to do right now... :)
ReplyDeleteYes those two hands have a very protective vibe!
DeleteLet's mother our little inner spark for the rest of the week ☺