King of Swords - He is not so bad after all

I really felt like blogging this morning so I picked up my trusted Original Rider Waite and pulled …oh no, not him… The King of Swords. My earlier enthusiasm dropped in an instant. What to do now? Pick another card? Chose another deck? Often when resistance towards a card is so strong it says more about us then about the card itself.

So what feeling is he stirring within me when he looks at me with piercing eyes, while sitting on this throne, holding his sword firmly in his hand?

The strict teacher, always being judged, never being good enough, a warning finger, criticism, he sometimes feels like a nightmare version of Santa.

Just yesterday I thought that a gentle reminder list could be more efficient for me than a todo list with boxes to tick off. But today it almost feels like he doesn’t  agree with this at all. But then I realized this king is a part of my personality: My inner critical Ellen. Always on the lookout to find something I messed up or failed to do.

Luckily like all tarot cards this King has also positive traits, So for today I am going to list as many as I can think of or find in my reference books:

The first few: Quick decision making, committed,  abiding by self imposed rules, has his way with words, writer, diplomatic, problem solver, unbiased,  ethical….. etc etc etc

Perhaps I was too quick to judge (neg. king again) and maybe he is not such a bad guy after all

New Moon in March

For this new moon I wanted to pull one card from the Dreams of Gaia Tarot as to what energy  I should embrace during the time until the Full Moon in April. Instead this one jumped right into my face while shuffling and when I turned  it over I knew it was the perfect card for me: The Seven of Earth. Some of its keywords are grounding, meditation and connection.

In this card we see a meditating figure who chakras a perfectly balanced.  He is one with himself,  the physical world around him and the all permeating spiritual realm. Yes he even fully understands that all these aspects of being spring from the same source  and are all equally important. 

Painting my oracle deck has brought me a great deal of healing but now I want to take it up a notch and take up things I feel less comfortable with.

So for the coming time I want to focus on doing things outside and also pick up my meditation practice (again). This morning I’ve combined the two and meditated in my garden. It is some getting used to because while I meditated other people were talking loudly and someone was working with a sander.

Also I want to go out for walks more regularly again. I know it will bring me peace  and calm but just like meditating I tend to “forget” it too often. Sometimes I think I suffer from spiritual amnsesia J

So lots of ideas and to tackle my forgetfulness I am going to list them  in my planner. Mind you, it won’t be a “todo” list but a gentle “remind” me list of options

The Singer of healing – Start Hummmmmming

Today’s card is The Singer of Healing from The Faeries’ Oracle.  This card is all about healing of body mind and spirit. Much like a holistic healer this singer sings his song over every part of our being, to heal our injuries and restore our balance. But before he can sing for us we have to accept there is something amiss.  The next step is to be willing to receive healing. To open ourselves up; to ask for help. Perhaps this is the most difficult part of a healing process; admitting we need help.

Sometimes we aren’t even aware we do need help. We have become so proficient in hiding, denying or numbing our pain to a point that we have become unaware that there is something wrong .

I have discovered that accepting I need healing  in an early stage of my affliction is definitely speeding things up  for the better. I am more susceptible for advice and suggestions on how to move forward and away from my feelings of depression.

This time around I have been (at first reluctantly)participating in an IG challenge to create your own oracle deck. by Kristen from @otmoraclecards

It was  a bit scary because I hadn’t painted in months. Then it became almost addictive and I painted several cards a day. Now things are settling down again and I feel  so much more confident and less downhearted.  Again, I had to make the decision get better, to start painting  but after that The Singer of Healing started to hummmmm….

Indi – But, what if……?

Today’s card is Indi from the Faeries’ Oracle. This fearie is finding it very difficult to make up his mind, to choose and to commit.  His mind races back and forth, from left to right and up and down, gathering every “what if’” he can find. When you look at this card, you can only feel sorry for him, because he isn’t going anywhere. He is afraid of making the right choice,of making a mistake and it is making him question his own self worth over and over again.

One thing I have learned over the years is, if you don’t make a decision by yourself, someone or some situation is bound to make it for you.  The only way to avoid becoming a victim of circumstances is to take matters into your own hand. Is this difficult for me? Oh, yeah! But I know how it feels otherwise.   

So for today Indi will remind me to make my own decisions; probable about the little things in life like what to do, to eat, to say…  Yes,even making these minor, more insignificant decisions will definitely add to our own sense of self confidence. And for the major ones? We always can reach out for help but in the end we are responsible for our every decision we make.

The Sage - Pay a visit to your inner Wise One

Today’s card is The Sage from the Faeries’ Oracle by Brian Froud. He is the Wise One from this deck. The hermit, the teacher, the shaman. And he is also old; very old. He is painted with the colors of the many seasons he has witnessed. And from every experience he has been through, he has absorbed  a spark of insight.  He has one blind eye which allows him to see into the other worlds and to turn a blind eye towards mistakes and failures. Those are better met with compassion than with harsh judgment.

I usually look for this kind of wisdom in all kinds of books and online articles about religion, philosophy etc. but today it seems The  Sage is asking me to turn inwards and look for wisdom there.  I have seen many seasons too, but I don’t  consider myself as wise. Maybe a tad wiser than before, but Wise with a capital W no, not nearly.

Maybe it is time to turn a blind eye to my fearful insecurity and stop  berating myself and expecting too much of myself. Yes, maybe it is time to embrace the silent Witness within and sit and chat with her for a while.  Perhaps, when I give her space and time, she has more to share than I give her credit for…..

Five of Earth - When the rain comes

Today’s card is the Five of Earth from the Gaian Tarot. In this card we see someone taking shelter under a makeshift  little hut made from whatever the forest provided at the time.

Although I am feeling better and Spring has arrived over here, it is still raining inside me from time to time. This card highlights our ability to survive whenever storm  blows in; accompanied by heavy rainfall. Then we have to make do with what we have and what we are capable of.

The  little shelter in the card represents the times when I have been able to lift up my spirit and to chase away the dark clouds. This could have been as easy as taking a little stroll, painting intuitively with watercolors, watching series etc. Just as with making this shelter, it doesn’t matter what you use or how you do, it as long as it is fit for purpose.

Several years of therapy have equipped me with some really helpful tools and insights for whenever the weather might change. Although I still suffer from depressions, I am grateful that lately it is not as scary and dark anymore as it used to be. 

Child of Earth – Every apple tastes differently

Today’s card is Child of Earth from the Gaian Tarot. The child is holding an apple in his hand. He is looking at it, he is smelling it, it is making his mouth water.  Almost all his senses but one, are  satisfied. “Taste me”, the apple seems to insist. “Take a bite. You know you want it”

The apple has always been an alluring fruit. Perhaps because it holds the mystery of the universe in its core.

Since the child is curious and eager to experience something new, we can almost be certain he will take that bite in the end. With this attitude he will remain open and flexible towards his environment. He will learn new things and will be able to adjust his opinion about the things he thought he knew for sure.

Questions:

What can I learn today? How can I shift my attitude from narrowness to openness. How can I stay young and playful at heart?

It doesn’t have to be complicated like learning a new language. No, it can be as simple as taking an other route for your walk,  buying a different loaf of bread or even wearing something other than what you always wear.

I am curious what you would do to take  a childlike approach today…..

Guardian of Water - Rest in my embrace

After having been mothering my mother for a couple of days because she isn’t feeling all too well, the Guardian of Water from the Gaian Tarot is a very welcome card to receive for this weekend. When our mothers aren’t capable of mothering anymore, it is up to us to find an other source of this energy to replenish our Inner Child’s cup from time to time. Today this Guardian invites me to join her in the water, to rest in her soft motherly embrace. She nurtures us with compassion, love and intuitive knowing. Her siren song to unburden our sorrows and anxieties is alluring. It is so easy to confide in her because she always forgives our wrongdoings and unkind thoughts.

God(dess) knows I need this today. I had lots of plan for when I got home again but that was a bit too optimistic. This weekend is for  rest and self-care which involves writing this post, reading, meditating, walking, drinking coffee, …. Oh no, that sound like making plans again. This weekend I am going to try to take it moment by moment and really trying to listen to what I need right here and now.

I hope you all will have a wonderful weekend too!

Queen of Wands - To Life!

This morning I got up a bit earlier than usual with the intention to meditate, draw a tarot card and journal about it. I even lit a candle for the occasion. And what a wonderful way to start the day it was. I wonder if I will be able to remember this until tomorrow morning. Just kidding! Since I am not a long distant runner and terrible with challenges, I will try to do this morning “routine”  for a week from today and I promise myself not to beat myself up if I skip a day.

My card for today is the Queen of wands from the Tarot of the Hidden Realm. Look at her cheeky smile as if she is saying: “I told you so, everything will be okay. Even if you don’t feel my warmth and my fiery energy for a while, it doesn’t mean I have abandoned you. I am always on your side. Together we can accomplish anything, even a a nagging and paralyzing depression. So smile my dearest, take a walk, create, dance, write, cook, anything will do as long as you do something, even if it  seems you are only pretending. Action is the way of out of sadness. So go for it girl and life!"

Somehow the cards in this deck are so talkative. I used to find them very hard to read with but nowadays they word so perfectly what I need to hear.

Six of Wands – Ignite your fire

Today’s card is the Six of Wands from the Tarot of The Hidden Realm. Traditionally this is the card of victory and success. Although this card often relates to experiencing a successful completion of a project, today I feel it is more about an internal victory. Sometimes, often without knowing, we lock ourselves in a mental stronghold, which seems impossible to break out of. The only tools to escape we have left are our inner resources, how scarce they may be. When the day comes we begin to feel restricted and imprisoned instead of safe and protected, we will have to ignite a tiny spark of courage inside us and feed it with brave and fiery kindle. It is okay to be afraid, this is in no means a sign of cowardice. Still your mind and nurture your flame so it will grow stronger with each breath you take. This fire inside you will forge the key to freedom. Nothing will be able to hold you back when you tap in to this fire.

And as we can see in this card, fire attracts fire(flies). So our inner fire will keep feeding itself with everything we do and with whatever makes us happy!

“Courage isn’t a lack of fear, it’s being afraid and doing something anyway” (guidebook).

Year Ahead Spread March - Ehwaz and Daughter of Pentacles

My Rune for March is Ehwaz (horse), which is a rune of fast movement and rapid progress. It encourages us to have confidence, to broaden our horizons and to be open to new elements in our life. The tarot card for this month is the Daughter of Pentacles from the Wild Unknown Tarot. This is a more gentle and cautious energy than Ehwaz. Imagine a horse running wild, mane waving in the wind, trampling the soil beneath his feet, foaming at the  mouth  from excitement: such a difference from the gentle fawn  in the Daughter of Pentacles.

I feel like the Daughter of Pentacles will help me to rein the sometimes unbridled energy of Ehwaz. We all know that feeling when the winds are changing, the earth is quickening and Spring is just around the corner. We seem to be able to tap into an unlimited source of energy but, yes there is always a but, for me this is a very familiar pitfall: Spending too much energy at once which will leave me depleted afterwards.

I am looking forward to the abundant energy of Ehwaz this month but I am also grateful for the prudence and sensibility of The Daughter of Pentacles. She will encourage me to slow down when needed and she also will show me how to seek out the most delicious herb and grasses between the weeds. That ways I can preserve my energy and also enjoy life to the fullest.