Hopeful Past-Present-Future reading

Usually I use tarot primarily for daily draws. That way the cards can empower me, guide me or help me to approach a situation with a new point view. I hardly never do actual readings for myself but today I felt like doing a Past Present Future spread. Just three cards nothing, more nothing less. And I got:

Past: Eight of Pentacles

This is me doing my daily “chores” ( meditating, gratitude journal, making art, etc:) ticking of boxes day in day out in the hope things will get better….

Present: Five of wands. 

A lot of inner conflict, knowing that just pointing out a winner isn’t the solution. Every part of me has to agree and make compromises. How can I shape and form my path in a way which will fulfill me completely?

Future: The Star

Yes, that is a hopeful card.  And so beautifully timed after my last post about the Tower. She is naked and vulnerable, brave and strong enough to expose herself to Love.

The Tower - My House of Cards (updated)

This post is long overdue. I haven’t been writing anything for about two weeks now and I wanted to share with you what the reason is for my absence.  For me my tarot practice was partly a way to express my spirituality, as was meditation and practicing gratitude. But the most important tool for me was tarot as a way for me to access my intuition and to receive guidance of my higher self and/or God(des). As you all know my spiritual path is a spiraling one, with its lows and highs. Sometimes it feels like I am back at square one, only to discover a more in depth truth later on. But now it seems like my entire spiritual belief system has collapsed like a house of cards. It feels like I have been building my beliefs and practices on a unstable fantasy foundation and now the whole Tower came tumbling down on me and left me shattered with nothing but the memory of better times and a lot of debris. It might be possible this brokenness and inner loneliness is just a very big winding of my spiral path. I honestly hope it is, but I doubt it. It feels like I have to rediscover who God is to me all over again. If god is really out there, or just in me, or where ever, or nowhere at all... It would be so easy to just pick myself up and rebuild my Tower but I know that this would be postponing the inevitable: another collapse.

So now I have to make new stones and mortar and build a new strong foundation for the house of my soul. I don’t think it will be a Tower again. I think it will be more solid, a one story spacious house with open doors and windows so the air will remain fresh and it will be inviting for the Light to enter

Please know I am still visiting your blogs and enjoying your posts although I don’t always have something worth while to comment. I hope to be back soon and post my daily draws again or anything else which I would  like to share with you

Hugs

Update: I want to thank you all for your kind and warm comments. It makes me feel so loved and appreciated. Honestly I have hesitated to write this post but now I am ever so glad I did. Writing this and then reading your kind and encouraging comments has made a very deep impression on me.
So thank you all

Queen of Knives – dispelling the shadows

After the my last post about the Five of Knives, today I drew a card from the Tarot of Vampyres with the following question: What do I need to dispel the shadow; who will wake me up from this dreamy, unconscious state of mind?

And then there she is: The Queen of Knives, my most favorite ally in a tarot deck and the representation of that part of me which can deal with almost everything. She is the one who takes over when somebody in my family needs my complete attention, support and problem solving skills. And now she is here for me. How often do we forget to apply our strengths to help ourselves. 

This Queen is the embodiment of consciousness and intelligence with a intuitive and caring nature, She is a queen after all. She is intelligent and empathetic, honest and wise and although she  can be painfully truthful, she never intends to hurt us. I always think of her as woman who has experienced the entire suit of Swords, so she knows what problems we are dealing with when we come to her for help. She is determined  to shine her light over our clouded minds. She uncovers our fears and our detrimental defense mechanisms. She allows our true self to shine. She separates our mind from our unconscious, hardly impenetrable, swamp and in doing so she enables us to a see our fears for what they really are. And this can be the first step to embrace our shadow instead of fearing it. The most important lesson she will teach us today is to be honest.  And being totally honest to ourselves is maybe the most difficult  aspect of honesty there is.

Five of Knives – There’s a shadow hanging over me...

After the challenge of the Five of Scepters, today we have the Five of Knives from the Tarot of Vampyres. We see a young woman sleeping, while a dark winged vampire is crouching beside her. As with a lot of other versions of the five of Swords, the first question we have to ask ourselves is: who do we identify with? The girl, dominated by irrational fears or the vampire who manipulates and controls his victim by feeding these fears?  As you might have suspected, I feel more related to the young woman. She is sleeping, unaware of the malicious influence of the vampire, the symbol of our most primal fears of loss, abandonment, unworthiness etc. But all is not lost, She only has to wake up from her dreaming state and use her mind, the knife in the foreground, to cut through the deceit of the vampire and see life for what it really is. Too often nothing is as bad and scary as we fear it might be. Again when are able to wake up and face the vampire, then we can set free so much energy to put to use for our own personal development and transformation. Then we can climb the stairs in the background to a deeper understanding of who we really are.

Five of Scepters - Feel the fear and do it anyway

Today’s card is the Five of Scepters from the Tarot of Vampyres by Ian Daniels. This card is all about  the power of will, determination, struggle and defiance

Being truthful to yourself and getting real is often scary but, facing your fears and deepest doubts and worries can be life changing. They  can teach you where you strength is hidden and possible leaking away. Imagine what you could do if you would challenge your fears and overcome them.  So much energy could be directed to more positive aspects of your life: compassion, love, creativity etc.

Yesterday I’ve posted a picture on Instagram of this deck and expressed my belated enthusiasm for it. I have this deck in my collection for almost a year now and never could feel any connection with it, until now. Although I wanted to save it for October, last weekend I couldn’t resist the urge to pick it up and try to work with it again. Then, totally unexpected, both the cards and the guidebook really hit home with me.  Simultaneously I hesitated to blog about my draws because I felt I was not familiar enough with the deck to give my two cents about the cards. And what if people thought it was the “wrong” season? What would my readers think about an older woman with an vampire deck?  Is it perhaps too sensual for my blog?? So much insecurity welled  from within. I recognized an old ugly inner kobold. He is called: “What would people think of me?” And then, looking at this card, suddenly I knew...This is what this deck all about: Feeling the fear and do it anyway.

The Ace of Cups - Drinking from the Well of Love

For today I’ve drawn the Ace of Cups from The Anna K Tarot. I love how the colors in this card are so well chosen: blue for intuition and deep feelings, white for purity and yellow for heartfelt decisions how to use the potential of this wonderful Ace. We see a lovely young woman filling her cup with water from a deep blue well. The earth is still covered with snow but we already see the first signs of Spring: There are sprouting leaves on the Birch and  bulbs are waking up beneath the snow. This is a time full of potential and new beginnings.

The Ace of Cups is all about Love with a capital L. The purest deepest positive emotion we can feel.  But we have to be willing to reach deep down into ourselves to find this Love which is the, often unconsciousness, instigator of our daily acts of kindness, our intuitive love for our family , the sensual love for our partner and so many more expressions of this wonderful feeling.  In my opinion Love is energy which holds everything together. As we were created out of Love  so do we create out of love too. Every time we pass love on in whatever way or form, we create more love. So the well in this Ace never runs dry. Sometimes when we are weary it is good to sit near the well and let the healing water run over our wrists and then we can fill our cup again, sip from it and feel restored by Love