Friday, May 1, 2015

What do you feel? - What do I Feel?

 Sacred Rebels Oracle What do you feel Alana Fairchild
It has been some days since I pulled a card for myself. But somehow I needed an angle on how to write this post so I picked up my Sacred Rebels Oracle and pulled:  “What do you feel” Without looking in the guidebook this card sums up quite nicely what is going on and it is a great follow up on my last post. The card is painted in black and white expect for her juggling items (apple, Earth and orange) She seems totally absorbed by keeping her balls in the air and she cannot chose which ones to let go in order to move forward. This feeling is paralyzing but also the opportunity, the door to healing. The choice has to be hers alone. She has to feel good about it. Only  then will she regain her true colors
The reason I haven’t been blogging much is that lately I feel depleted, depressed and sad. I didn't want to mention this on my blog because feeling like this is always accompanied by feelings of shame and failure.  My depression is chronic but due to medication very manageable but sometimes it flares up intensely and that frightens  me.  I do have the skills and tools not to fall back into that  deep pitch-black hole but still it scares me when I feel like this again. The reason I am writing about this, is that I want to stop feeling myself guilty ashamed and unworthy because I am suffering from a chronic depression.  It is time to get real: this is who I am and this is how I feel today.
The apple blossom in the  photo I took  is a promise that this too will pass.

13 comments:

  1. Being honest and admitting how you feel is the first step in getting better! I was watching a show the other day (Orphan Black), and one of the characters said to the other, "Oh, you're gay?" The scientist she said it too replied, "Yes, but that's not the most interesting thing about me." Who you are is defined by so much more than just one label! Hugs to you my friend; may you walk out of the darkness soon.

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    1. Thank you Bev I am sure I will. I am glad it is not all black. There are still good times. Tomorrow M and I are going to bake my Birthday cake (apple pie) These little rays of sunshine do help just as your thoughtful comment does
      Hugs

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  2. Oh gosh...I know that feeling of being depleted and wouldn't wish it on anyone. It just sucks the life out of you.

    I must admit...ever since I posted about the 10 of Swords I can sense it hovering nearby. Job hunting is so draining and I've been doing my best to keep my chin up about it. I guess it is a good thing I have two upbeat oracle decks to help give me a boost when I need it.

    Wishing you some positive energy to help you along your way!

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    1. Thank you. The most valuable lesson I've learned from all this is that everything always changes.Storm will come but it will pass over too and YAY for tarot and oracle decks; our cardboard therapists

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    2. ha ha. "Cardboard therapists". Love that! Too true.

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    3. Cheapest therapy I've ever paid for! :D

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    4. This justifies my great amount of decks beautifully!

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  3. Yes, it is important to understand that it will pass, Ellen. I can sympathize and empathize with you on this. For me, medication can and does help such feelings move along rather than settling around me like a shroud with no relief in sight. But it is still unpleasant to know these feelings are lurking, always ready to blanket my spirit in fatigue and hopelessness. Find something that lifts your spirits and indulge yourself (within reason). (smile)

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    1. Thank you so much Zanna, for your personal comment. It means a lot to me to be affirmed I am not alone in this. Sometimes it does feel that way because I don't share this easily. I am happy to hear you too have a way to cope with these feelings. Tomorrow is my birthday and my girls have already bought me a beautiful carnation bouquet. Tomorrow we have homemade apple pie :D So all that is bound to lift my spirit.:)
      Big Hug

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  4. Hi my dear friend, clouds will pass, all of us have pains and troubles, unfortunately are part of our lives but we have positive achievements and happiness too, I' m sure these weighs much more in your scales! You are a nice and very good person and very positive, always helping and uplifting your friends. I wish from my heart you are well soon. Big kiss and Stars will guide you!

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    1. Thank you so much LM for your kind words. Let's hope the Spring breeze will dissipate these dark clouds very soon
      Hugs

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  5. This is a very interesting and beautiful oracle, I haven't heard of it! I'm sorry you've been feeling worn down and sad of late. I know what you mean about not really feeling like blogging about it or blogging at all! But I'm glad you are anyway, and that this card has given you something to focus on. I find the cards are a saving grace at those difficult moments, and can be a really wonderful tool for gaining perspective and giving hope. I'm glad that the apple blossom spoke to you so clearly :) Peace and hugs.

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    1. Thank you my friend. I know this too will pass and yes the cards do give me clarity on how to proceed and where to put my focus on. They show me options which I otherwise wouldn't have come up with

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