It has been some days since I pulled a card for myself. But somehow I needed an angle on how to write this post so I picked up my Sacred Rebels Oracle and pulled: “What do you feel” Without looking in the guidebook this card sums up quite nicely what is going on and it is a great follow up on my last post. The card is painted in black and white expect for her juggling items (apple, Earth and orange) She seems totally absorbed by keeping her balls in the air and she cannot chose which ones to let go in order to move forward. This feeling is paralyzing but also the opportunity, the door to healing. The choice has to be hers alone. She has to feel good about it. Only then will she regain her true colors
The reason I haven’t been blogging much is that lately I feel depleted, depressed and sad. I didn't want to mention this on my blog because feeling like this is always accompanied by feelings of shame and failure. My depression is chronic but due to medication very manageable but sometimes it flares up intensely and that frightens me. I do have the skills and tools not to fall back into that deep pitch-black hole but still it scares me when I feel like this again. The reason I am writing about this, is that I want to stop feeling myself guilty ashamed and unworthy because I am suffering from a chronic depression. It is time to get real: this is who I am and this is how I feel today.
The apple blossom in the photo I took is a promise that this too will pass.