From complacency to fiery enthusiam with Eihwaz

For today another a combination of my runes and The wild Unknown Tarot. They fit so seamlessly together as if it was meant to be. I really am enjoying working with both of them.

My rune for today is Eihwaz. 

This is the rune of death and transformation, much like the Death card in tarot. It urges us to release what is stopping us from moving forward and from spiritual growth. Often this can be hard and even painful but most of the time the rewards are worth the effort

So what do I have to let go of? The World. 

Although the world it a very positive card and is all about completion and fulfillment, it also can be a very tempting place to stick around. We have so much energy spend to get there. Why should we leave this wonderful feeling about ourselves and our accomplishments behind? Why should we move away from this haven of admiration and pride? Because  else we would only move in circles instead of forward and we would probable become complacent.

So if I was to let go of The World energy what could be out there for me? The Daughter of Wands.

She is moving like a lemniscate looking at her blossoming wand from every angle possible. She is the free spirit who gets excited about almost everything new. She wants to try and experience new things or revive old projects with  renewed enthusiasm.

So in short: Experiencing the energy of The World is wonderful and we should enjoy it as long as we don’t forget to jump of that cliff and start again with something new.  

Berkano and the Nine of Pentacles - Time to leave the nest?

Today’s Rune is Berkano, the equivalent of The Empress. This is the rune of abundance, creativity, fertility, nurtering, and of course the symbol of the Divine Feminine. My card for today is the Nine of Pentacles from the Wild Unknown Tarot.  Immediately I  felt so safe when I saw this depiciton: nine pentacles are symmetrically arranged in a diamond shaped nest. They are shielded from the outside world with white soft feathers. These feathers give  a very motherly feel to the nest.  The Nine of Pentacles is all about being content with what you have achieved and received so far. It is a card of accomlishment and gratitude. This card is related to the Hermit. Al the nines share an energy of solitude and reflection; of discovering who we truly are. But they also encourage us not to stay to long here but to move forward in life and trust we will have the tools and the wisdom to do so.

Personally for me today this means I want to trust and embrace my ability to make art. Considering my nine pentacles in the nest, this is not a strange thing to do. I’ve come to this Nine of Pentacles  through a lot of practice (Eight of Pentacles) but after having ""reveled in my success" it is time to spread my wings and leave the nest.

What is helping me a lot to move forward lately, is the notion that I don't have to be super creative all the time. Copying pictures is a very good practice and a lot of fun too. It is also a good way to warm up our creative muscle. The results are rewarding and it is very relaxing thing to do. 

Affirmation: Today I am grateful for the gift of creative abundance

P.S  I've added yesterdays drawing of a little gnome. M. noticed it looked like The Hermit. Now I like it even more. J

Nauthiz and the Knight of Cups - No need to walk on water

For today I have pulled the rune Nauthiz two times:  First on my Rune app and then, because it didn’t feel “real” enough, another  one from my rune pouch. Maybe apps are quite capable to tune into our energy field???

Anyway Nauthiz is the rune of troubles and poverty and of the need and strength to turn the tide. And that is when the Knight of Cups from the Shadowscapes Tarot starts riding the waves. His mount is a white unicorn, symbol of his purest intentions. The undines and sylphs are beckoning him towards the shining gold cup; his holy grail.

This is an admirable quality of this Knight but perhaps also his downfall. He might feel  the urge to keep on riding, searching, until he can hold this perfect Cup in his hands. The elementals are seemingly helping him but maybe they are also leading him away from his true purpose: to live in and enjoy the present moment.

This strive for perfection is an eternal ongoing quest and this might be blocking him from experiencing his daily small but also very significant accomplishments.

Today I will enjoy the present moment and receive the abundance of this day.

P.S. This afternoon I've been practicing with my new pens without the need of making a perfect drawing. I've just copied a picture from a fairy tale book and I had a lot of fun  doing so. And that is what matters the most

Divination 3x3x3 Tag: Tarot, Oracle, and other forms of Divination

A few days ago Chloe from Inner whispers posted a video on Youtube which was called: Divination 3x3x3 Tag. In this video she shared with us her three favorite Tarot decks, Oracle decks and other forms of divination. At first I thought this is not for me, since I don’t like to talk in English and especially not on YouTube. Writing on my blog feels entirely different, much less vulnerable.  So then I thought why not make some pictures of my favorite decks and share them here:

Because it was already extremely difficult to pick three decks from each category, the decks I will show you are in random order.

My 3 favorite Tarot decks:

The Original Rider Waite Tarot by A. E. Waite, Pamela Colman-Smith

I had to pick an RW because it  has the imagery I can always fall back to. It is the system with which I’ve start out my tarot journey. This version appeals to me the most. Not only for its color scheme but also for the feel and smell of the cardstock.

The Druidcraft tarot by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm and artist Will Worthington

After a long period without tarot this is the deck that brought me back to this deep felt passion of mine. I love the West European feel of it. It feels close to home for me. And of course the art is amazing, as all will’s art is.

The Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Krans. 

Although I own this deck for only about fourteen I already am so in love with this deck. It reads very intuitively and I am sure we will bond perfectly together

My 3 favorite Oracle decks:

The Tao Oracle by by Ma Deva Padma

I’ve bought this oracle because I was already in love with the Osho Zen tarot but these cards exceeded my expectations. The images are so beautiful and diverse. The deck covers every aspect of life; the dark and light. For now I use it only as an oracle but you can also chose to read it according to the I Ching system which I am not familiar with (yet).

The Sacred Rebels Oracle by Alana Fairchild, Autumn Sky Morrison

This is my favorite Oracle deck ever. It somehow makes me feel as if this deck is made especially for me. It came to me in a period I needed this deck very much and it has given me already so many wonderful messages

The Goddess Inspiration Oracle by Kris Waldherr

I love the fact this deck has 80 cards: so many aspects of the Divine Feminine in one deck. It is an easy deck to work with: just pull a card and you will get an empowering affirmation from one of the many goddesses from all over the world. I use this deck very often.

My 3 favorite other forms of divination

My DIY runes

These 24 pebbles are my doorway to the realm of divination. They have opened doors for me I never knew existed. Recently I’ve start using them again and  I love the honest and raw energy they have.

The Celtic Lenormand by Chloe McCracken, Will Worthington

I’ve waited so long for this deck to be published and now I am so happy it is finally home with me. Besides using it for divination it has already become my main deck for creating magic. I love it how the images, as small as they are, really draw you in.

The Enchanted Lenormand Oracle by Caitlin Matthews, Virginia Lee

While waiting for the Celtic Lenormand this lovely deck came to my attention and it has become one of my favorites to. The images are lovely and solely based on the symbol. So a good counterpart for the more intuitive Celtic Lenormand.

I hoped you enjoyed my take on this 3x3x3 tag. 

What are you favorite decks? Please share or leave the link to your participation to this tag in the comments. 

Runes, Druidcraft Tarot, and Celtic Lenormand in one reading

Today I’ve done what I’ve been dreaming of ever since I've heard that Will Worthington was doing the artwork for the Celtic Lenormand by Chloe McCracken: Combining this deck with the Druidcraft Tarot from the same artist. And of course I had to include my beloved Runes. Recently I've found a second hand wooden set of Runes on the online thrift store in the Netherlands. I thought it would be nice to combine them with these two decks. 

I pulled one rune for the general energy of the day: Ingwaz. This is the rune of fertility. Not so much the creative fiery action but more the peaceful slumber afterwards. The quietness of the sown land; patiently waiting for the first sprouts to appear. This requires a harmonious balance and inner piece.

Very promising indeed but how do I really feel about all this? This answer was given to me by the Ten of Wands from The Druidcraft Tarot: “Not so good. So much to do, so many responsibilities, no time to rest or to be quiet. Always busy.”  Mind you, this is about feelings; not about the actual situation. Often our minds are so busy and chaotic it seems like we have too much going on and so little time to accomplish everything. This feeling can be so overwhelming, we have to fight the urge to throw away all the wands from our back, sit down and do nothing at all.

Although this last option can be very  tempting it is not the most healthy thing to do. So what can we do now in order to feel the peacefulness of Ingwaz and heal our emotional overload?

I pulled two cards from the Celtic Lenormand and they couldn’t have been more fitting: Child + Heart.

We could try to engage in one thing with the openness and trust of a child. Putting in all our love and devotion to this task or project and really feel connected to what we are doing.

Yes, this is a difficult one, when you feel like the Ten of Wands. But when you look at this little boy playing with his boat in the trough, you can almost feel how his heart is traveling  to the ocean where one day he will sail his own ship to far away shores. This intent is patiently waiting, gently growing stronger….. this too is Ingwaz .

So for today I will do one thing, choose one Wand and I will love what I do with all my heart. This way I will experience inner peace, patience and quietness.

Getting reacquainted with the Tarot of the Hidden Realm

Sometimes without knowing a well beloved deck gets forgotten while other decks, especially newer ones get all the attention.  I saw in the archives of my blog that is was October last year since I've used the Tarot of the Hidden Realm.

lost and found drawer

Why? For no particularly reason. So this morning I went outside with a cup of coffee and flipped through the entire deck, naming one thing per card which stood out for me and get reacquainted with this beautiful Fae deck. Then I shuffled the deck and pulled three cards. No spread, no positions, no question and….no guidebook. The last one was the most scary part because this deck is somewhat difficult to read for me and such a long time has past since I worked with this deck

In the box of the Wild unknown Tarot there is a message printed which says: "You'll find no wrongs or rights inside this box, only mirrors for reflection. open your mind, draw a card, & have fun on your journey". This wisdom is of course valid for working with any deck.

 I think tapping into our intuition is the key for a balanced reading. Because without it our personal interpretation of the cards a reading would soon become lifeless and boring. Usually when I read for myself I will get flashes of insight of what a card means to me and sometimes this has nothing to do with the intended meaning of this card. Often I check if my ideas correlate with what the guidebook says but for today I just wanted to follow and acknowledge the messages of my intuition.

For today I've drawn:

King of Pentacles - Instead of identifying with this king it feels like I am the little Fae girl who is sitting on his lap and it feels so safe and warm, nurtured and cared for. This king represents my home, my family, my books etc. and lots of coffee. It feels like home to me but I have to be careful not to get to comfortable there because I do want to keep building on my self-reliance and self-confidence. But for the here and now it is a good place to be. Resting, enjoying his stories, and regaining my strength to get on with my life.

Six of Swords - This is quite another energy. This woman is following the eagles in the sky; higher and higher into the far away mountains. She is leaving everything known to her behind to find truth and clarity and a new way of looking at life. Often our minds are clouded with assumptions, so it is good to step away,breath in some fresh air, filled with new ideas and gain some broader perspectives.

Temperance - a great card to find between the previous two. Neither of both energies are meant to stay the same for a long time. This card promotes to dance through life harmoniously and take the lessons and joy from each and every situation. She seems to pour her fluids effortlessly, moving the energies, like the flow of the river behind her. But when we look closely to her face, we see her concentration because she doesn't want to spill one drop of it. So live life and choose joy!

Honestly, I loved doing this. It felt like free writing; Just going with the flow. Not at all as scary as I thought it would be.J

New Crystal friends

Yesterday I went shopping with M. to our local New Age Shop. I felt in the mood to look for one or two crystals as an addition to my Crystal Family. I do have quite a nice collection of crystals. Some tumbled, some rough and some bracelets and pendants  but just like collecting tarot decks, there is always room for another addition. 

A while ago I was so clumsy to break my Rose Quartz donut and I really missed having a smooth larger piece of Rose Quartz. It is my go to stone for Self Love.

The other crystal I've been  looking for was a Snowflake Obsidian. This is a crystal which is great for shadow work and balancing the darker en lighter aspects of yourself. This stone is softer and more gentle to work with than a Black Obsidian. 

It reminds me of the Goddess Holle, a Germanic Mother goddess who encompasses an all round image of the Feminine Divine: from Spring goddess to death goddess and everything in between. Her memory is  kept alive in the fairy tale of mother Holle who shakes her feather bed to let it snow on earth.

I did find both of these crystals which made me so very happy. Last night I let them sit on my altar in an Abalone shell with a few Citrine tumbled rocks and Clear Quartz chips to cleanse them . So today they are really mine and all ready to be making their first appearance on my blog.

I've found a lovely little wooden treasure chest where they fit in together perfectly. Our little gnome is taking his task to protect them very seriously.....

New Moon in May – Taking my time and be gentle with myself

After having played almost exclusively with both my new birthday decks, I felt it was time to pick up my beloved Original Rider Waite deck. Beside the fact I love the color scheme of this deck and of course the  well-known artwork, I am totally smitten by the physical feeling and smell of these cards. No deck feels as good for me as this one does. It was love at first site and I never got over it. J

For this New Moon I've drawn as usual two cards. The first one for the energy I am going to release and the second one for the energy which is beneficial for me to embrace and I drew:

1 Release -  Nine of Swords – well this is as good as it can get. After my emotional set back since the end of April  and the healing I’ve done; the lessons I’ve learned, the time is  right  to let go of my anxiety and sadness for now. I know they will always be in the shadows waiting for another opportunity to get hold of me but for now I am free and I feel good. So let’s keep it this way.

2  Embrace – Seven of Pentacles – This is a card I didn’t know right away what to do with. I often get a kick in the butt of my cards to get going but now they want me so take a pause and reflect on my status quo. While I am writing this it sounds as the most healthy thing to do.  Instead of getting back on my horse again it is better to recuperate  a while longer and rejoice the fact I am up and about again. It is better to be gentle and patient  with myself then to rush into things full steam ahead and overstep my own boundaries (again)

Another thing I get from this card is to pick up my gratitude practice again. This guy is watching his pentacles and is astounded by their beauty. It is only a matter of time when he can harvest his crop. There is so much to be grateful for

Celtic lenormand - Line of Five

Besides using it for spellwork this gorgeous lenormand deck: The Celtic Lenormand By Chloe McCracken and Will Worthington has already become  my most favorite lenormand reading deck. This deck suprises me time and again with its clear and indepth readings. The additional cards has proven their worth to me on many occasions. Besides reading Lenormand cards sometimes for daily advice, I do like to read the cards mostly for spiritual guidance and personal empowerment. And this deck lends itself for either approach perfectly.

Yesterday I have pulled five cards after I had taken down my healing spell. The question was: “Where do I go from here?”  The middle card is the main focus of the reading and the other four cards will give me additional clarification and advice.

The cards are: Path(22) + Lady(29) + Stars(16) + Dog(18) + Fish(34)

Stars, as the main answer to my question, speaks to me of following my dream, my true North: to follow my Star. Then I will find my inspiration to create again.

Dog + Lady:  A, or a few good female friend(s) will help me along the way or the Lady is the Goddess from my Healing Spell and She will protect me as my loyal guide  on this journey

Path + Fish. These trusted friends/guide will help me chose the road to flowing abundance and spiritual growth;  to feelings of having enough, of being content  and connected  to my intuition

Path +Lady : Lady of the crossroads….She will ask me to choose at some point

Dog + Fish : A wealthy friend????  Or rather somebody who can bring a wealth of experience and wisdom to the table….

I loved doing this reading and again I was very pleased with what this deck had to share with me

Celtic Lenormand Healing Spell – Update

The last full moon on May 4, I have created a Healing spell for myself with the CelticLenormand by Chloe McCracken and Will Worthington. Today when the moon is almost dark and we are about to enter another moon cycle, I wanted to share with you my experiences and some alterations I've made.

First of all I am happy to say I feel a lot better than two weeks ago. The sun has certainly began to shine more regularly for me and since I have been mediating again, I do feel more calm and peaceful. I won’t comment on how much this has to do with my spell but I can say with certainty it did help a lot.  Every time when I went to my room I was reminded by the cards of my intent to enter the burial mound to face my fears and come out stronger, more confident and happier. During these two weeks I noticed it was hard for me to do so. It was almost as I was lingering before the entrance of this burial mound. So I strengthened my Spell with some crystals. I picked one for each “bridge” card: Black obsidian for dealing with my fears and grief, Rose Quartz for the love I want to give myself and others and Amethyst  for the wisdom I need to grow and move forward in life. 

And still it wasn't enough. Fear can be suffocating and grief can cause large stumbling blocks. That's when I decided  to turn to Deity. To represent the fierce aspect of the Goddess I choose the Lady card with her spear in her hand and shield in the background. I blended the entrance of her house with the entrance of  the  Burial Mound.  She would be there to give me courage and protect me when I would enter the into the darkness.  I also added a bindrune which is the combination or Nauthiz ( the strength to persevere) and Uruz (vitality and willpower). Especially the woman card was helpful for me. It gave me the feeling I didn't have to do the scary part all on my own.

As you can see I have added quite a bit. For me magic is like cooking: adding ingredients and spices to a dish until I feel the recipe is finished. I also think it keeps the spell's energy moving. 

Tonight I am going to take down my spell and give thanks for the  positive changes in my life.

( and maybe be cook up a new one……)

The Chariot and Othala – I am going Home

For today I’ve drawn the Rune Othala (home, destination) as an indication of the energy and focus of this day and The Chariot from the Wild Unknown Tarot  to elaborate on how to manifest  this Othala feeling.

Coincidentally this morning I've read a great reading by Zanna fromt Tarot Notes about where and what home is.

Often Home is not a place but  more a feeling of contentment either being with yourself or with the people you love. We are social beings and how much some of us (including me) like to be alone we do need the interaction with other people.  Othala is the last Rune from the Futhark. Just like The World is from the Major Arcana. Having a secure home, a family, a place to live together , to grow old was the ultimate goal of the old tribes. It secured the people of food, safety and a place to raise their children. While  Fehu (first Rune) is more  about the possession of a house;the physical building, Othala  is more about what is going inside: the emotional and spiritual well-being of the inhabitants

Nowadays we still think of our Home as more than a place to live in; we have to feel safe and comfortable there, This is the place where we can be our truest self. Here we can take of our masks we wear in the outside world.

So how do we get to this place, this  feeling and this state of mind we call Home? There comes The Chariot. We have to mount our horse and go on our quest with a strong will and determination to reach our goal. Or perhaps we have to be this horse. This powerful independent creature who knows intuitively where it is heading where the stable is. In this card we see only one horse which speaks to me of certainty and of knowing my way Home

Personally I think Othala is not a place to be found but only to be experienced as a sense of safety in community, a sense of belonging and being at peace. And when this feeling  fleets we mount our horse again; always on our way, always learning , changing and growing

Son of Pentacles and Sowilo – Dedication as a road to success

From the Wild Unknown Tarot, I drew this morning the Son of Pentacles. He is known for his dedication and his loyalty to his duties. For this young male deer a life full of responsibilities is lying ahead. To live this kind of life requires practice al lot of practice. The moon is waning, cradling a pentacle which could become his crown, if he is up to the task. He feels a bit said melancholic maybe; remembering his childhood when life was easy and not as demanding. But this son is dedicated and will put all his energy into the job. He will not boast or be needy of praise. He only then will step forward if his time is ripe and then he will amaze the herd.

When we put all our effort and dedication into a project, determined to see it to the finish, we can be assured of success, which brings me to the rune of today which is Sowilo. This is the rune of vitality, energy, motivation and success. This rune will add the spark of fiery passion to the sometimes a bit predictable nature of the Son of Pentacles. When he feels this energy sparkle inside him, he will know his time has come to step out of the dark shadows and into the light; to claim his birthright and to become the strongest buck of the herd.

Afraid in the dark spread – Be brave

For my daily draw, I am doing a two card spread. I hope it will clarify some doubts I have about my healing process. I feel there is still a lot of anxiety blocking me from going forward. I will use my runes for the first position and the Wild Unknown Tarot for the second one

The spread is called: “Afraid in the dark spread”.  I've found it somewhere on the internet a long time ago:

1 What am I afraid of? – Mannaz - self

A well-known self confidence issue I guess. When do I stop apologizing for being me? When do I start believing in the wonderful me that  I am. And when do I stop hiding this woman for the rest of the world. It is so hard to live an authentic life. To embrace both the light and the dark aspects of myself. I don’t have to be perfect;  I just have to be brave enough to be me

2 What will turn the light on - Ten of Swords

Well this is definitely not the card I wished for. I would have preferred something like the Ace of Cups. But fate has decided otherwise. Ten swords are sticking in this massive bull. The last sword has even blinded him. This is a low as a person can go: Beaten down by his outdated and ridged thought patterns and fears. Before we can move on, our stubborn like a bull of an ego has to hit rock bottom and has to let go of everything he believed in including his melodramatic stories of “poor me”.

Today is new day and we can build up our Self, our Mannaz, one step at the time, filling it with confidence and inner strength: with ideas  and stories  which will empower instead of crush us.

So in the end this card was a appropriate gift for today. A gift which heralds change and a bright future ( look how the upper half of this card is more bright than the lower half)

(NB. Rereading this post and my previous one, it seems that the issue of self confidence  is a reoccurring theme in my daily draws)

Judgement and Nauthiz - It’s a new day, it’s a new life and I am feeling good…

Today's card is Judgement from the Wild Unknown Tarot and the rune for today is Nauthiz. What a feeling of freedom I get when I look at this depiction of Judgement: A dove is flying high with wide spread wings, bursting free from darkness and heading towards the light. He is leaving behind the flock of dark black birds as a symbol of leaving behind our past mistakes, our fears and our harsh self-judging thoughts. The time has come for forgiveness. Not only for  the ones who have wronged us but most of all for ourselves. It is time to treat ourselves with  the same gentle and forgiving kindness we often give so abundantly to others in need.

This brings us to  the Rune Nauthiz which means literally means need. It urges us to identify with this white dove. It is time to let go of those dark brooding thoughts and to fly high to that place where is no need for anything but Love and to leave all the mental and physical obstacles behind. It stresses us to live in the present moment, being less needy and to be content with what is. This is a powerful Rune. When used for Rune magic it stands for the strength to cope with difficult situations and feelings of material or spiritual poverty.

For today I am going to be extra gentle with myself and I am going tot be mindful of how I address myself. I want my inner talk to be more empowering and loving.  Time for hiding in the dark is over: It time to embrace the true me; my inner white dove  :)

The World and Fehu - completion and new beginnings

What and extraordinary couple this is: The World from the Wild Unknown Tarot and Fehu from my runes. The World is everything Fehu is not; It is the last card from the Major Arcana. It signifies an harmonious successful ending, completion, transcendence and feeling one with Spirit. In this card we don’t see the dancing figure like in many other World versions but a couple of concentric circles which give me the impression of entering some kind of vortex. Like if we  are drawn in to that white burst of light and energy. The first circle is like a rainbow. This is how we feel when we are on top of the World. Deeply fulfilled and content. Then it is time to shed our skin, leave our material attachment behind and enter into the next cycle….

That is when Fehu comes into play. Fehu is the beginning of the Elder Futhark. It is the rune of possessions, of material wealth.  Not only how to obtain this but also how to be a good steward of your property and how to use your skills to protect it. Material wealth is the main source of survival not only in the past but also still nowadays. Only after having obtained a material security, we can focus on other things in life like love and happiness and creativity

For me each day brings World experiences and Fehu challenges. These two bring up a lot of questions for me. How do I chose what really fulfills me and enriches my spirit?  Do the things I own make me truly happy? What can I live without? How does protecting and caring for my stuff distract me from more spiritual matters? Is spirituality the opposite of Fehu’s attributes or is that merely something we have made up ourselves?  Is that why I often judge myself for wanting stuff to play with or just to collect?

So many questions. Maybe that is what card reading is all about: to learn how to ask questions instead of seeking for answers.

Healing spell with the Celtic Lenormand

Yesterday was the day of the full moon and inspired by Chloe from Inner Whispers, I decided this would the perfect time to create a healing spell for myself with the Celtic Lenormand by Chloe McCracken and Will Worthington. 

Chloe has been talking and writing about how to implement magic into our daily life. Her approach is very down to earth but with lots of room for mystery and enchantment. After having read about her ideas about magic and watched her video’s, I thought performing this spell  would be a beneficial and proactive approach to my current situation. For me a Spell is something between a prayer with props to focus on and an affirmation made visual. I believe there is something magical about intention combined with ritual, words and representations of the intent.

Before I started creating my spell I first performed my own little ritual to break in a brand new deck. First I set  up sacred space with a few items to represent the elements and then I divided the deck in nine stacks and put it back together again. I repeated this three times while thinking of my intent for the usage of these cards.

Then I flipped through the deck to find  some appropriate cards for my healing spell:

Situation (left) – Mountain (21) and Clouds (6)

As of late I am feeling depressed and weighed down. It is very difficult  for me to move from this clouded and obstructed place

What do I want? (right)- Sun (31)and Lily (30)

I want to life a happy life; to feel  more confident and good about myself ; to let my inner light shine . Also I seek inner peace and harmony

How do I bridge this gap? (middle)– Heart (24),Burial Mound (8) and Owls (12)

With lots of Love (including self love)and inner wisdom I will enter that dark place to learn what is hidden and let go what no longer serves me.  I will come out more compassionate, happy, loving  and a lot wiser

I will leave this spell on my altar until the dark moon when I shall revisit it, see how I’m doing and maybe make some changes for the new moon.

A wonderful Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday! No, I am not  going to tell you how old I am. J  M was so kind to take some pictures I could share with you.

Our preparation started on Saturday when M and I had baked our traditional birthday apple crumble pie

 Together my girls surprised me with a  beautiful Carnation bouquet in  a variety of colors. These are my most favorite flowers

 Presents!!!!

I am so happy with each and every one of these gifts:

Of course there were chocolates mmmm. No celebration can do without them. A Kate Spade clip for my planner. A book about the social and cultural changes in our country in the last fifty years which has brought back so many memories. A book about Goddess Holle  and how she has changed from a greatly worshiped Germanic deity in to a fairy tale figure (Mother Holle). She is a goddess I feel very connected to. And not to forget two of my most desired decks : the Wild Unknown Tarot  By Kim Krans and the Celtic Lenormand by Chloe McCracken and Will Worthington

Later in the afternoon my husband came to visit and gifted me some art supplies  He loves to paint himself too so last week we went shopping together in a art supply store.

He bought me a watercolor sketchbook, some water-resistant drawing pens and a tear off palette to use when I paint with acrylics. 

“no gifts for me?”

Al together it was a perfect day.

What do you feel? - What do I Feel?

 

It has been some days since I pulled a card for myself. But somehow I needed an angle on how to write this post so I picked up my Sacred Rebels Oracle and pulled:  “What do you feel” Without looking in the guidebook this card sums up quite nicely what is going on and it is a great follow up on my last post. The card is painted in black and white expect for her juggling items (apple, Earth and orange) She seems totally absorbed by keeping her balls in the air and she cannot chose which ones to let go in order to move forward. This feeling is paralyzing but also the opportunity, the door to healing. The choice has to be hers alone. She has to feel good about it. Only  then will she regain her true colors

The reason I haven’t been blogging much is that lately I feel depleted, depressed and sad. I didn't want to mention this on my blog because feeling like this is always accompanied by feelings of shame and failure.  My depression is chronic but due to medication very manageable but sometimes it flares up intensely and that frightens  me.  I do have the skills and tools not to fall back into that  deep pitch-black hole but still it scares me when I feel like this again. The reason I am writing about this, is that I want to stop feeling myself guilty ashamed and unworthy because I am suffering from a chronic depression.  It is time to get real: this is who I am and this is how I feel today.

The apple blossom in the  photo I took  is a promise that this too will pass.