Shadow Work October

After a month without challenges I felt like participating with the "Shadow Work October Challenge" by Mnomquah on Instagram. She has come up with a question or assignment for each day of October, related to working with shadow parts of ourselves. We start with checking in with ourselves by making a mandala: “who Am I” at October 1th  and evaluating the challenge by making another mandala “Who have I become”. At the end of the month.

Who am I

Making  the first mandala felt so great. It has been a long time since I have created something with my watercolors.

Of course everyone can do this challenge for himself and you don’t need to be on IG to participate.  Mnomquah even insisted on the following:

“If you feel like any of the questions/tasks are pretentious, triggering in an unbearably negative way or too personal -- feel free to stop at any time into the process; share publically as little/much as you feel comfortable with.”

Reading this made me feel very comfortable to join in. I feels less obligated to finish this challenge or to post a picture each day on IG. I am planning on posting parts of this challenge on my blog and if you want to see more of it please check my Instagram widget in the right upper corner

Taking a pause and be grateful for where you are right now.

Today’s card is “The perfection of your life” from the Sacred Rebels Oracle. 

Initially I thought what a “Woo Woo” card. My life is everything but perfect. I’ve got lots of mundane problems and worrying on my mind.  And on top of that I feel spiritually lost in the woods……Maybe it is the woods in this depiction where I am wandering. Trying so hard to find my way out. Being such a problem solver, this must be a piece of cake Then I notice the mandala in the earth: a flower of life, a source of life-giving  energy which is working its way up to nourish the forest and every living creature therein. See how the trees draw this energy in and all the way up until they are brimming with life.

And then I ask what do I have to do to experience this caring loving energy. And I pull The Chariot of The Wild Unknown Tarot and I feel I have to read this card as a challenge. Today this card is asking me to stop right here and now and to take care of my sweating dead-tired horse. We both need some downtime and nourishment from that mandala . What better way to show my gratitude for this gift than to appreciate the course of my life. For it has brought me here and now and there is no place I would rather be.

And now I am going to treat myself with coffee and chocolate in my garden. The sun is shining, the airs is crisp, birds are singing and that is perfect enough for me today.

Learn how to feel No and to discover your Yes

My card for today is Judgement from the Tarot of the Wild Unknown:

Living in the shadows. Overcome by doubt and not knowing. Being one of many. "Act like everybody else, then all will be fine", I hear in the back of my head. In the dark you often bump your head: Against thick walls or social agreements.

How long before I realize that there is a way out, into the light. A way to freedom and to the memory of who I wanted to be in the first place. To escape the pressure of always being nice and wanting to do everyone a favor expect myself. When will my wings be strong enough to carry me up and when will I know who I really want to be?

And then I pulled: “She feels, she knows”, from the Sacred Rebels Oracle:

This card ensures us we already know deep down inside who we are supposed to be. It tells us it is of the utmost importance to feel what you truly want; to listen to the signals of your body and your mind if you are being pushed aside by the blackbirds in the first card. Listen to the No in your muscles and learn to recognize your Yes in your breathing out. 
How long has it been since I've wondered what I really want. What will make me happy and filled with joy? I feel that at the same time of my spiritual Tower experience I’ve been starting to question many other aspects of my life too. I see this as a huge and rare opportunity to "discover" myself all over again. To find out what makes my true self sing.

Recently I started meditating again. That feels really good. I also want to dwell more on the things I'm thankful for and which make me happy. Not just writing down items to fill my gratitude list. Among others things I've been enjoying working more with my crystals and taking little naps when I feel tired. 

And so I continue on my path like everyone else, day by day and moment by moment.
Hugs

Resting in No-Thingness and trusting the Adventure

Today I asked my Osho Zen Tarot to tell me who God is for me right now. I hoped for No-thingness and I got No-Thingness. Don’t you just love it when that happens. 

This card is all about darkness, emptiness; Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction. It is isn’t negative, nothing to be afraid of. In absolute darkness there are no shadows. This is the place between death and rebirth: The  gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. It is like the dark soil where a seed lies dormant until the spring.

So again I asked what would be a helpful attitude towards  this Nothingness and I pulled the Page of Rainbows - Adventure. Here we see a child who moves from the darkness into the rainbow of light, led by her sense of wonder and her innocence. Just moving forward without an agenda or a map. Trusting that all is well and letting go of all expectations. She is just moving forward step by step, moment by moment

For now I feel nurtured by the darkness of Nothingness and I am not in a hurry yet to go on an adventure but it is good to know that from here out there will be Something to discover  if I keep an open mind. And perhaps I am already on this adventure without being actual aware of it….?

A few day few day ago I’ve made a vision board which turned out to be focused around my spiritual journey into the unknown. It has become an open, peaceful and spacious collage. The texts say:

Intuition as your compass

Go your own way (literally: Go your own wise way )

Change and Awareness

Change and Awareness

Once again, I got “X Change” from the Osho Zen Tarot as my card of the day. This card has been popping up a lot for me the last couple of days. 

In this depiction we see a large spinning wheel filled with all kinds of universal symbolism.

“It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. If you cling to the edge of the wheel you can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.”

When I asked my cards what would be a helpful attitude towards Change, I pulled “VII Awareness”, where we see the face of a childlike Buddha looking trough the veil of illusion, which is torn away by awareness. This awareness, which is growing softly inside each of us, is getting stronger and more confident each day without strive or struggle on our part. It teaches us to behave like a witness and to respond to a situation instead of reacting instinctively to every change presented to us.

This attitude will let us observe the changes without being overwhelmed by them.

Working with the Osho Zen tarot

The last couple of days I have been solely working with the Osho Zen Tarot. I have been alternately carrying it with me or keeping it on my altar but one way or the other, always accessible to draw from it whenever I feel like it. I have drawn so many cards already today that I don’t  even remember what my card of the day actually was. The cards I draw aren’t jotted down anywhere. I just look at them,  notice how I react to them, ponder sometimes a bit longer about them, put them for a while on my altar or just back in their bag and then I go about my business until I feel the need to draw another one or perhaps a few to tell me a story together. Sometimes I’ll  ask questions, sometimes I won’t . For now I am so enjoying the energy of this deck. It is as if it is calming me down with every card it shows me. The energy is so soft and gentle and at the same time so strong and truthful. I love the fact that it encourages me to live mindfully and to embrace the present moment in whatever form it may present itself to me. This moment is what it is and it is oke…
The deck doesn’t need me to belief in anything but what is here and now and yet it feels highly spiritual. It encourages me to feel connected; to be loving, kind and compassionate to myself and to others and in doing so it is carefully puts the door ajar to the Unnamable. But that is for another post.

The card which has come up for me a lot lately is the Ace of Rainbows – Maturity.  This card confirms to me that all my life experiences together are forming my inner light which will always be with me and will lead me the way.  

The Courage to take it slow

Today’s card is Courage from the Osho Zen tarot.  A small flower has faced the challenge of the rocks and stones. It has found its way towards the sunlight. And it has become a gorgeous flower in its simplicity: This tiny flower has no need to compare itself to a Rose or an Orchid because it is its own kind of beautiful.

To be kind and gentle for myself on this particularly part of my journey is asking for this kind of courage. The courage and strength to accept and to love myself even if I want to be somewhere else. even if I don’t feel happy and fulfilled, even if I don’t blog regularly or my house isn’t as clean as it should be. It takes courage not to compare myself with other flowers  who seem to be so much more attractive. But hey, they too will wither and die one day…

So today this little flower will help me to embrace every part of me and cherish it for no other reason than because it is a part of me.  Slowly and  carefully  I will guide myself out of the shadows  and into the light because that is where I am meant to be.

Lately I love journaling by hand again about my COTD. No worries about spelling, grammar or if others would understand what I mean etc. Just write word for word what comes to mind and enjoy the process and the little gems which sometimes may appear...

To be free in September

Since the beginning  of July I have been regularly posting pictures on Instagram and I am really enjoying it. Sometimes I make pictures of my daily draws, of Jofee, of my dinner:  just random snippets of my life. But to be honest the reason for making my IG account public was the ttjulychallenge by Steve from @tiferettarot. Then August came and I participated in the Listersgottalist Challenge. And although I didn’t feel that great, I thought it could be healing to do something creative every day. Well I didn’t finish it because it was too much pressure to create something "perfect"on a daily base but I was highly tempted to join one or two of the several tarot challenges for September on IG and then I realized I was fooling myself. I was diverting myself from what is my main priority right now: regaining my spiritual and emotional balance. So why would I invite intentionally more stress and anxiety into my life. Now is the time for self love, for going within with compassion and kindness and hoping to rekindle that flickering light of faith in, and connection with God

And then I saw the YouTube video of Kelly Ann from The Four Queens about Self love September.  Again I was tempted to commit myself to this project. To buy a new journal, to find myself a “reminder item”, watch the videos, read the blog posts and do the assignments like "a good girl". 

And then I got it. I really am tempted to fill my life with “noise”, even with “spiritual cloaked” noise but altogether it is still noise for me right now.

The best gift of self love I can give myself this month is to post pictures on IG if I want to, to write blog posts if I have something to say and to love myself with every breath I take and with everything I do or say.

And to be FREE!

"Do not follow the ideas of others but learn to listen to the voice within yourself." (Dogen)