You don’t have to keep it al together

Osho Zen Tarot

This morning I drove my daughter to an appointment in a village nearby. I had to wait in the car a while until she would return. In the meantime I took this opportunity to meditate and write a bit and to draw a card from my free app of the Osho Zen tarot. I made a promise to myself that this card would be my daily draw. The fun thing is, with this app you can actually move the cards over the screen and pick the one you want. Please don’t laugh; I picked the Nine of Fire aka Exhaustion. When you think the nine of wands it a pity party, it is nothing compared to this card. I immediately felt sorry for the guy and of course at the same time for myself. Some parts of our Christmas have been very stressful. I won’t go into details but it was very difficult for me to accept some situations which were completely out of my control. It made me anxious and even more uptight than I already was. And I wasn’t the only one. Happily the day after Christmas things went more smoothly, which was mainly because the three of us were able to share our feelings about the first day. We managed to be more relaxed and to see things in a different perspective.

“He has been so busy "keeping it all together" and "making sure everything runs smoothly", that he has forgotten to really rest. No doubt he can't allow himself to be playful.”

“The message of this card is not just about being a workaholic, though. It is about all the ways in which we set up safe but unnatural routines for ourselves and, by doing so, keep the chaotic and spontaneous away from our doors. Life isn't a business to be managed, it's a mystery to be lived. It's time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory, and take a little trip into the uncharted. Your work can flow more smoothly from a relaxed state of mind.”  (From the Guidebook)

I do want to be more relaxed but I am so tired (exhausted) now and I find it again difficult to let my guard down because there is also the last day of the year which might cause more stress. I so desperately don’t want to be anxious for that day but the desperation in itself is a part of this guy contraption; my own pitfall

So the only thing I can do is be kind and caring to myself, recover, rest and relax and trust everything will turn out right in the end. As I've said more than once: Let go and Let God(dess)