Today’s
question is: "How can I let go of self doubt?" and I pulled
the Four of Swords. As you know this is one of my “sigh” cards; my permission to
let go and quiet down the mind from anxiety and those
nagging critical inner voices. After having
completed my oracle challenge on IG, I am experiencing waves of self doubt again.
Afraid of putting something on the page which is less “pretty“ than my DIY
deck. Even in my art journal, where I try
to play more freely and experiment with my art supplies, I feel the urge to create
something “beautiful” and with “beautiful” I mean worthy to show other people.
This feeling has made it crystal clear
to me my that Inner Critic is holding the reins (again)
So this morning
I decided to take up my habit of writing 750 Words a day, before doing anything
else. This is the digital equivalent of writing morning pages. For me it is a
perfect way to clear my mind and to get those creative juices flowing again. This
way I will be able to create room to relax and to do whatever fills me with
joy, without any result oriented expectations. This could be just as simple as allowing myself to
take a nap, a walk or perhaps filling up a (new)
page in my art journal just for the fun
of it. And no, I am not obliged to finish the last page and make it more “pretty”. Maybe it is even better to fill up some loose
leave pages first. Just putting a few
collage elements, some paint and some scribbles on them to overcome my fear and
to loosen up a bit. The only rule is to keep it abstract!
All and all
a very timely question for me today.
I've never seen anything you've done that wasn't amazing or beautiful. But who is this for actually - you or someone else? I think most of what I create is for myself; it allows a bit of freedom, insight and spaciousness that comes with expressing myself. Hope you can give yourself some extra space (and put your critic out of the way and in a corner). :)
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear friend. I've just finished my first page and I love it: messy raw and real
DeleteI create mostly for myself too but that voice keeps hammering me te quit because there are so many better artist around
That inner critic can be quite a beast at times! I am happy to hear that you are developing a strategy to ease its pressure on you. And I have a hunch that the artwork that you think isn't worthy of showing, would in truth be quite delightful to your audience ;) Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYour hunch might be right but for now my IC disagrees :)
DeleteI just made my first "therapeutic" page and I loved it
Hugs
euu, morning pages. I wrote so fast I couldn't read the writing. Just as well, there was much flotsam and jetsam there. Once I 'got it', that is didn't need to make sense, that it didn't need to be neat, that it was ok to pick up a pen and GO...no thought required. Probably where the seed of my blog was born. :) Just type, it doesn't have to make sense to me or anyone else.
ReplyDeleteIt is mostly a purging process. Writing so much by hand isn't possible for me so I am glad this website exists. I also won't have to be afraid anyone might read it because you have to log in
DeleteA time out is always a good thing.
ReplyDeleteIt sure is!
DeleteI got the same card today for the #crazyapriltarot, I am in need of some time to slow down and rest. I hope to manage this weekend nicely to have my "me time".
ReplyDeleteI like your idea for 750 words, I try to journal, but I never know how much is enough :)
I love 750 words for that reason too. It is just long enough to get a free flow in your writing . When you write by hand about 3 pages will do
DeleteHopefully you wil have a peacefull Easter weekend
Dear Ellen, I´m following your blog for 2 month now. You are such an Inspiration. I love your readings, especially with the Dreams of Gaia Tarot. Thanks for sharing. Julia
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you so much for your kind words Julia. I am sure I will pick up the Dreams of Gaia Tarot again in the near future. It is a much too stunning deck to sit on the shelf for too long. :)
DeleteDear Ellen,
ReplyDeletePlease know you are not alone! One of the biggest challenges artists/creatives have is we all struggle with focus.
We also struggle with self-confidence. It comes and goes ebbs and flows. Every person has focus and confidence issues during their lives, in one way or another.
What I've learned is this. Confidence is earned by focused action.
Focused action yield results.
Results yield confidence.
I write everyday morning pages. Much is stream of consciousness, and some just gobbledygook, but I know it's important for me to do it because it keeps that creative flow going and helps me to focus and eventually I do get some results and my inner critic takes a hike and gives me a break!
Thank you so much for you encouraging words my dear friend. It feels good to know we are both writing our pages in the morning. I am glad I've picked up this habit again. It feels like I am giving myself a vary valuable present before taking care of my daily chores :)
DeleteYou're very welcome! It feels great to know we all can encourage one another!
DeleteYes you are very right it is a gift we give to ourselves!It can seem like work that we rather not do but things start growing in our souls! Speaking of growing, I've been spending the past few weeks and days outside doing yard work, getting my gardens cleaned up and ready for planting in May. It is work and good exercise, but I've been pacing myself, not taking on too much just one day at a time, like doing my morning pages...good for my soul!
After some serious soul searching, especially over the past few years I've come to poignantly realize that doing the physical activities no matter what they are so helps to connect the path between my brain and my heart, which seems to be the longest road!
I agree. That is why I go for walks regularly. Gardening is more M's departement because it stresses my neck too much. As long as we are taking care of our souls we will be okay I guess :)
DeleteI'm always amazed at the power of that Inner Critic. So many of us struggle with it so often! I noticed mine yesterday, too :/ I really hope your 750 words gets you flowing and enjoying the colour and the movement :) For myself, I have promised to get dressed in something that shows my curves today, even if they are curvier than I would like :D
ReplyDeleteGood for you Chloe! You are braver than I am. I always wear sweatpants and large T-shirts and even large cardigans when I am at home :D When I go out the sweatpants get swapped with jeans
DeleteHaving known a fair few artists it strikes me the greater the talent the harsher the self critique and then there are those with not much talent and hardly any qualms...
ReplyDeleteI think your work really wonderful and I hope picking up this practice again brings you pleasure :)
That is so sweet of you to say laylah! I hope so too and if not I hope I will remember your kind words :)
DeleteIt's always amazing to me to hear how much power the inner critic has, or that we give her. Your work is wonderful, not just the 'pretty' stuff, or the 'finished' stuff, but the process that is felt beneath it. That's what comes through so beautifully. And I know that every one of us who commented would say the same. Hugs to you, my dear. Keep moving, no feeling is final. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you my dear Rose, your comment means a lot to me. The IC come sand goes always without a warning. Moving; creating is the best way to keep him (yes, it is a him for me) at bay. As soon as I start humming I can't hear him anymore.
DeleteHope your writing moved you away from the doubt monster. Your question inspired me to ask the question of myself. I got the Sun. Enjoy life, go find something fun to do.
ReplyDeleteThanks Cher! it is indeed very helpful for me and poisonous from my IC
DeleteThe Sun is a great card to answer this question. I hope you found something fun for Easter :)