Yesterday I
came home from a visit to my mother and it made me very happy she’s had a
lovely time. There is probable in each woman’s life a time when we have to
acknowledge our mother is past mothering and when we visit her we give our love
and time freely and patiently without the expectation of feeling nurtured
and being fully accepted for who we are today.
Being free from expectation is hard, so when I returned home I felt rather tired. This morning I didn't feel like doing anything but just sit and rest. But my
mind kept churning over my experiences from the last couple of days and since I
didn't want to sulk and pity myself any longer, I pulled a card for some comfort and
support and I pulled the Queen of Wands from the Shadowscapes Tarot. Here we see
the queen playing on her living harp. All the denizens of the forest gather
around to listen to her uplifting tunes. Curling leaves are unfolding. The earth
is moving in spirals, inwards and outward .Nobody and nothing in her presence
can muck about and pout while her fingers are dancing across the
strings. I cannot identify with this queen,not yet but she is a great inspiration
to follow the humming energy of my creativity which always makes me happy. So
now I am going upstairs to work on a painting: adding some layers of paint and pastels.
And I am sure I can shake this feeling of disillusion.Monday, April 20, 2015
Queen of Wands - getting back into the swing of things
Yesterday I
came home from a visit to my mother and it made me very happy she’s had a
lovely time. There is probable in each woman’s life a time when we have to
acknowledge our mother is past mothering and when we visit her we give our love
and time freely and patiently without the expectation of feeling nurtured
and being fully accepted for who we are today.
Being free from expectation is hard, so when I returned home I felt rather tired. This morning I didn't feel like doing anything but just sit and rest. But my
mind kept churning over my experiences from the last couple of days and since I
didn't want to sulk and pity myself any longer, I pulled a card for some comfort and
support and I pulled the Queen of Wands from the Shadowscapes Tarot. Here we see
the queen playing on her living harp. All the denizens of the forest gather
around to listen to her uplifting tunes. Curling leaves are unfolding. The earth
is moving in spirals, inwards and outward .Nobody and nothing in her presence
can muck about and pout while her fingers are dancing across the
strings. I cannot identify with this queen,not yet but she is a great inspiration
to follow the humming energy of my creativity which always makes me happy. So
now I am going upstairs to work on a painting: adding some layers of paint and pastels.
And I am sure I can shake this feeling of disillusion.
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So true, so often, mothers become children and children become their mother. Probably because we are all living so much longer.
ReplyDeleteYou have experienced this so intensely so you know how sad this can be
DeleteThat day has not come yet for my mother and I, but I do see it whenever we visit my grandparents. Time sure does fly though...things will change before I know it. I hope you enjoy your creative time...it is certainly a good way to cheer up.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy this real togetherness while you can. Luckily I do have a lot of good memories. And yes paining did cheer me up :D
Delete"Playing on a living harp" - now that sent my mind scurrying in all sorts of directions! Makes me think of doing something or being with someone instead of just thinking about it. Glad you had a good visit - I'm sure your mom appreciated it!
ReplyDeleteShe sure did!
DeleteIt was with some sadness and relief to get to a place in life and my heart, where if we could feel deep compassion toward our mother and father like I did toward others I was unrelated to directly. To be able to see them as flawed with character defects and love them just as they are not just in spite of but because of.
ReplyDeleteWe are not our parents but we can't deny we are their children, and they are our parents who are people first and foremost. I think we learn how to detach with love and relearn how to connect with love.
If it wasn't for love I couldn't bare it but now love can give strength beyond imagination
DeleteI can't imagine what it's like to visit a mother who no longer mothers you - but I'm sure that day will come eventually. How beautiful that after all your mother has given you, thanklessly perhaps, now you can give something back. I wonder if the Queen of Wands is a reminder of the person your mother has been in her life, how passionately or creatively she has lived, and what she has passed down to you, even if she is in a different phase now. Or maybe a simple reminder to process through creativity, just as you did.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this very private moment Ellen xxxxxx
I haven't looked at it that way but you might be right. My mother was a very lively person when she was younger. and yes somehow creativity always brings comfort and healing. Painting is such a completely absorbing activity that everything else just fades away...
DeleteHugs