New Moon in April

A new moon is all about new beginnings and leaving behind that what serves us no longer. This particularly new moon is a very special new beginning for me and my family. Yesterday afternoon we have received a phone call from the hospital which informed us that M her swelling is benign. The fog we have been living in for weeks finally cleared and the world looks so much more colorful today.

After a short  meditation  I drew as usual two cards from the Osho Zen tarot. They couldn't have been more apt for this coming lunation

Release: No-Thingness

The first thing that came to mind was us leaving Limbo, where time stands still and nothing is certain anymore. Where slowly  the energy  is sucked out of you. A black hole. I gladly release this waiting game

The guidebook has a more nuanced interpretation:  “Being "in the gap" can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.”

I know it is my mind which attaches labels of good and bad to a situation. Everything just is. From Nothing always come Something. But I am glad it has turned out this way for us.

Embrace: Knight of Fire

The same card as I've pulled for my daily draw this morning from the Joie the Vivre Tarot!

Now there is definitely room for some action. The future is looking so much brighter again. Tomorrow is Beltane, the beginning of summer and I am looking forward to it. I want to be strong and confident and move forward with enthusiasm.

This card from the Osho Zen also emphasizes the importance of not only moving forward with intensity but experience the present moment with that same state of mind and level of energy.

“The figure in this card has taken on the shape of an arrow, moving with the single-pointed focus of one who knows precisely where he is going. He is moving so fast that he has become almost pure energy. But his intensity should not be mistaken for the manic energy that makes people drive their cars at top speed to get from point A to point B. That kind of intensity belongs to the horizontal world of space and time.

The intensity represented by the Knight of Fire belongs to the vertical world of the present moment--a recognition that now is the only moment there is, and here is the only space.” 

I love how these cards fit my current situation and how this deck always gives me some valuable guidance for the next four weeks.

Beltane Contemplation with The Wildwood Tarot

Time is flying too fast for me. Beltane is already the beginning of Summer. Where did Spring go? This is a time of fertility for the animal and plant kingdom. Animals are procreating and flowers are pollinated so they can bear seeds and fruits. It is a lusty season for the wild and the free.

In the Wildwood we move from the period of the Arrows to the period of the Bows. This is a time of high energy levels which will reach their peak at midsummer. Bows represent willpower, creativity, spiritual pursuits and other “fiery” aspects of life J

The two Major Arcana cards which are representative for Beltane are The Forest Lovers (The Lovers) and Balance (Temperance).

We are invited to the handfasting of the Forest Lovers. They are speaking their vows and begin their commitment to each other. A new relationship is born. From two energies a third one comes into play, whether it is their child or the energy of this constant fluctuating togetherness. It is giving and taking, again and again; always changing, never the same. Each moment the Forest Lovers are creating their relationship over and over again. They are continuously seeking Balance which is the second card of this post.

Here we see two snakes intertwined. They’re coming together but they’re keeping their own identity/color. Always seeking the balance of life always moving and adjusting.  Together they look like the shape of the double helix of human DNA, the building block of life. The face carved in the rock at the bottom of the tree reminds us that in order for light to shine there has to be darkness to. In this darkness our greatest treasures are hidden which will restore the balance once again.

For me personal The Forest Lovers also represent the balance between the masculine and femine energies in every human being and in the Divine as a whole. Jung explains it as follows: “In the unconscious of the male, this archetype finds expression as a feminine inner personality: anima; equivalently, in the unconscious of the female it is expressed as a masculine inner personality: animus. The anima and animus can be identified as the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a male possesses or the masculine ones possessed by the female, respectively”.

Maybe this year Beltane for me will be all about acknowledging and embracing my masculine aspects: my animus. Besides that I also want to create a more balanced image of my Gddess: to affirm She is feminine, masculine and probable so much more which I don’t know yet J

Abeona – opening doors

For today I've drawn a card from my Goddess Inspiration Oracle by Kris Waldherr. This is the same artist who has created the Goddess tarot.

The card shows us Abeona, the Roman Goddess of departures. The caption says: Beyond your home is a world to be discovered. Explore it.

Abeona is the Roman Goddess of Outward Journeys, who watches over a child's steps and protects travelers. She is likely an old Italic Goddess who was later considered an aspect of Juno, the Roman Goddess of Mothers, Women, and their Children.

Abeona's name comes from the Latin verb abeo, "to depart, go away, or go forth". She was believed to especially guard children as they took their first steps away from home to explore the world, an anxious time for parents, perhaps reflected in the fact that abeo carries the added meaning of "to die, disappear, or be changed". Abeona watched over any "first steps", whether literal or metaphoric.

I like this oracle a lot.  It contains a lot of goddesses I've never heard of. (like this one) and each one covers an aspect of our daily experiences. For me it is always difficult to leave my house and expose myself to the “dangers” of the world. Years ago I've had a few traumatic experiences which has caused  a lot of fear and anxiety. Although things aren't still what they used to be, nowadays it is going so much better and  I am increasingly enjoying to go out on my own.. Knowing that guardianship is also an aspect of the Goddess, might give me a gentle nudge to expand my boundaries a bit more. Look how beautiful and tempting the world looks behind the walls of our own confinement.

The Emperor – Freedom within Rules

Sometimes it looks like the tarot is playing games with me: for today I've drawn the Emperor, the ultimate masculine energy in the deck. This is the third post in a row about masculinity. And besides that, it is the first time I've pulled this card for my blog. So what does The Emperor has to tell me? It used to be no more than an archetypal image of a father for me. Very much  like my own father: a structured fair man who took care of and provided for his family. A loving and supportive father whose memory I hold dear to my heart. As easy as I have assigned The Empress card as a symbol for the Goddess, The Emperor has never left the earthly realm. In most depictions he is sitting on a concrete throne and it looks as if he has never left his seat.

But not this emperor. He has climbed the mountain on his own accord. He is determined to show me that he is worthy to rise above his physical empire. He wants to be reunited with his Empress, so they will  become One again: masculine and feminine, equal and inseparable. This season is of course  is the perfect timing for me to finally understand this. The background of  this depiction symbolizes beautifully his fiery nature. I love the eagle in this card. A symbol of flying fearless, aiming high and being free. But also a symbol of vision and decisiveness;of what has to be done in order to be the protective guardian of the empire.

On a more personal level this cards advises me to be more structured in my daily living. Too much time is wasted with trivial diversions like zapping, surfing, etc. I would like to become the emperor of my own life again. There is so much more I want to do in a day and I get so easily distracted.  So I am going to trust and depend upon my own power and I am going to make some kind of structure for myself with enough room to play around. 

Woad - a taste of freedom

For today I've drawn Woad from the Druid Plant Oracle. The keywords are: freedom, Bardistry and Warriorhood

In the picture we see a fully grown Woad plant. The leaves were used  to extract a blue dye which the Picts, the ancient British warriors, used to paint themselves with before going to war. This was very clever indeed it because besides frightening the enemy, it also prevented wounds to bleed to severely because Woad has styptic properties. It was also used for dying cloth. Nowadays Druids use it to dye their Bardic robes.

The spear and the boar are both representative of warriorhood.

When you look outside at the clear blue sky you will often sense a feeling of freedom. How wonderful it would be to just fly away. This is the same shade of blue as the dye made from Woad leaves. To obtain this sense of freedom our inner Bard, our creative self, urges us to express our creativity. Not only to think about it but to really put yourself out there. Whatever you create is worth the effort because it is yours. You have to fight for your freedom; to aim for what makes you happy and fulfilled.  Without the desire to achieve what you really want, it is possible you’ll put your own need to create aside for the needs of everybody else. Or maybe worse, you will hide your true creative self behind needless chores, afraid to fail or perhaps to succeed? So put on you warrior paint and pick up your pen. pencil, brush or flute and  aim for  what makes your heart sing!

Lately I've noticed how I can feel totally free when I'm writing. Time seems to fly. I love to puzzle with words and sentences or to freewrite and accept everything what is pouring out of my pen, I am less afraid to fail than with my drawing and painting. Not only do I write daily for this blog but I also write in Dutch, just for myself. It is something I've always done but lately I enjoy it so much more. I think the combination of writing and tarot really has opened countless doors for me.

Beltane Issues

The Lovers

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the Divine again, after reading a blogpost by Kerry from Neopagan Priestess about incorporating the male aspect of divinity into your practice. 

Although the God of my childhood is a Father, nowadays in my spiritual practice God is Feminine; a Mother. But sometimes I wonder if perhaps I am forgetting or neglecting a major part of my God(dess).

Since it is almost Beltane I am not surprised this subject is asking my attention now. I've always struggled with this Sabbat, because I never knew what to do with a god and goddess in love. It feels strange to me,  although I  know it’s just a myth, but still ….

How could I research this aspect of the Divine in a creative way without diving to deep in all sorts of mythologies, which can be ever so confusing. Although I love to read them, in my opinion the gods are described often as being too human, to really satisfy my quest for understanding Divinity on a more spiritual level.

The Hermit

I had suggested Kerry to name the masculine aspect of the Divine using the tarot, the same way as I have done with the femine aspect.

Trying this out for myself I came to the conclusion it didn't really matter which personal pronoun I would use in these naming exercises. Even if the character in the depiction was male or female; it didn't make any difference for me:

The Hermit: The Keeper of Knowledge, who comes to me in silence and sheds his/her light over my hidden wisdom

or

The Light Bearer, who takes me by the hand and illuminates my way in the darkness

Strength:The One who perseveres and is strongly committed to protect those who are in need

or

The Patient One, who teaches me to reach deep within for my own inner strength 

Strength

God can be as nurturing, gentle and creative as Goddess and Goddess can be as fierce, militant and lustful as god. They are all the same. Every Goddess is an aspect of the Divine and every God is an aspect of the same Divine too. Since I don’t feel comfortable with aggressive warlike Gods, I turn to Kali or Sekhmet who are both fierce goddesses to defend and protect me in times of need. So we are free to reach out to the Divine in whatever form we feel comfortable with. Recently I've started calling Her Amma (thank you Sycamore). With this name, which sounds a lot like “mama” (Dutch for mom) I can see Her as all encompassing and at the same time very approachable to build a personal relationship with. She is every God and Goddess for me. She is Spirit. She is Nature, She is Everything. I just choose to call upon Her as female instead of male

For me this was another step closer to what I belief to be God(dess). More and more I come to realize that All is One and the freedom which emerges from this is so liberating.

I am even looking forward to Beltane now J

(The cards are from the Druidcraft Tarot by Philip Carr-Gomm and Will Worthington)

Ten of Wands - Overloaded

I couldn't have drawn a more fitting card for today: the Ten of Wands from the Original Rider Waite Tarot. After all the anxiety of the last week and everything that had to be done because life just goes on (although you would love to be able to push the pause button), I am so to speak dog-tired.

The guy in the picture is carrying his ten wands home. He doesn't watch where he is going anymore. He is just putting one foot in front of the other and is stumbling forward. But in the distance we can see his house; he is almost there. I hope he will make it. I am sure I will make it. I am sort of a workhorse and when I smell my stable,  I tend to run a bit faster; determent to get home even though I am already exhausted. So when I do get home, there is not much energy left. Perhaps just enough to make some coffee J

The advice for me today is to unload my wands at the doorstep, go inside, sit down, relax and restore my energy, because I think I have deserved it.